Fifty Shades of Depressed
by Christine Wood
Summary: Ana tells Christian she is pregnant, but what if instead of coming back, he doesn't, what if Ana realises that she was right all along and she isn't enough to change him, and what if instead of just getting drunk he did the unthinkable and returned to his dark side ? COULD HE CHEAT, WOULD HE CHEAT, DID HE CHEAT? Not everything is black and white, there are many shades of gray...
1. Chapter 1

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD: FEATURES IN THIS STORY IT IS A SAD FACT THAT MOST MOTHERS SUFFER, SOME IN SILENCE SOME SEEK OUT HELP.

Please be aware this is not a simple case of baby blues this is not, its about the tough unspeakable topic of postpartum depression, the first couple of chapters are harsh, but there is help and if it touches you or your family get help, its not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

* * *

This is a one shot discovery story and as word is in there yes there was an incident and so if you don't want to read it don't, but don't leave a troll comment if you don't like the cheating, there are many shades of gray betwix black and white, read first judge later chapter three is a killer lol...

All rights to the fifty branding are applied; this is my story using some of EL James's characters.

* * *

Chapter One: Nothingness...

"Doctor, oh God help me, this is argh, oh hells bells Christian." I screamed for Christian, but nobody came...

"Mrs Grey, your baby is on his way?" I screamed again, as the doctor tried to calm me down. "This will all be worth it in the end."

Why would it be worth? I didn't want the baby that had taken Christian away from me. However his son, like him was doing it his own way, I am ten days overdue and he refuses to budge. Just like his father, Baby Grey had been on his way for the last twenty two hours. I looked so fetching, with my legs akimbo, in stirrups, I'd been poked at, bloods taken and things and people are just sent in to annoy me, it's not at all comfortable and it is so embarrassing having people stare at my lady bits, bring on the C-section please. Why did I not do as other moms do and have the elective C-section? God it hurts, I am tired, a tad cranky and God so depressed, why am I here alone, why did I run, why do I think I can do this alone? Because he left me alone, I remember that and get the courage and then more anger takes over and finally my will power hits home, I need to see this through.

"Mrs Grey, you're in the last stages now, you've done really well, your ten centimeters and will be feeling the urge to push, we are here, so when you get your next contraction push down into your bottom, breathe in the gas and air it will ease the pain." I felt another contraction and grit my teeth and pushed down, screaming through my clenched teeth, that I will have Christian's bollocks served to me on a platter when I divorce the arrogant bastard. I let out a gasp of air and screamed more abuse at Christian.

My poor first time nurse had a sore hand and her ears were ringing with the amount of times, I had screamed at her to go away and leave me alone, if only everyone would leave me alone. I had thrown too many temper tantrums and refusing to give any contact details when I came in wasn't helping the matters, because I had nobody I wanted near me when I do this, I want to do this alone and I want to do it my way.

Why now of all the times possible did I decide to get my fight on, when did I decide this was my fight and it was one I would win?

"Mrs Grey are you sure there is nobody you want here with you I have my phone, I can call the father?"

"No... No... No I don't want that cheating son of a bitch anywhere near me or my baby..."

"Who is the father, I'm sure he would come?"

"No, I said, now leave me alone. Doctor does she have to be here? I made you all aware of my wish for privacy when I paid your clinics very high fees, for no questions no phone calls and no telling me what to do." As I said, the Ana having the tantrums and acting like a spoilt arrogant bitch is in the room at the moment.

"Very well Mrs Grey, Nurse Shaw, please calm down and respect Mrs Grey's wishes." She put her phone away.

She then held my hand as I apologised, the I screamed again, she mopped my fevered brow, I was angry, sick and doing this alone, and this was not how I envisaged this ending, the fairytale dream life had turned into a nightmare, and I am living it alone, by choice, this was my decision and mine alone .

"Argh shit, nurse help me this hurts, and I'm never having any more children. I hate you Grey; I really hate you...! I pushed down and Christ this was hurting, I was oh godding and not in a good way, bummer it hurts, it hurts, it bloody well hurts.

"Good girl, I can see baby's head." Another contraction, I'd been at this all day, I was so tired, easy she got it wrong the first nurse, my god this was bloody hard work and painful.

"Arg. Oh Christ shit that hurts." I pushed again, and it was the strangest feeling ever and Nurse Annoying was smiling. Then I let out the loudest scream ever, and shook wow did that hurt, it was a strange and very weird feeling.

"I can see his head, he has hair and curls, and oh there are lots of curls."

"Right Mrs Grey, hold back from pushing on the next contraction and pant through it. We need to turn your baby." I did I was told, our baby would be here with the next contraction.

"Oh crap he's coming damn it nurse; argh shit help me." The nurse, Sandra Shaw, I think she is called, she has been here all day helping me through our first delivery, both hers and mine, she was ecstatic and then he was out, my sheer relief that it was over was evident as I, oh godded, in a good way. It was a pain like no other. I cried, laughed, shook, and really began thanking God that it was over. That was not bloody easy at all, that first nurse lied and Nurse Annoying was crying like a soppy baby.

"He's beautiful." They all said. I cried as he cried, my baby was crying and alive and I wanted to die. I was shaking, cold and exhausted. Of course he is beautiful, have you seen his father, no you haven't Nurse Smiley Face, but if you had, it would be my husband you would be smiling at, not our baby, I thought as they offered me the child, I turned away and cried, I didn't sign up for this, I can't do this alone and I do not want to ask him for help. He lost that right when he left me alone and alone is how I am feeling right now...

"Oh my God that was amazing, Mrs Grey, he is beautiful, thank you Mrs Grey, for allowing me to witness his birth, my first baby, what is he going to be called?" He was being examined and weighed all whilst he made those baby crying noises. I ignored her him and the room full of well wishers who didn't know me, and I continued to brood, because I felt nothing.

"He is 8 lbs 5 oz.'s well done and he's a really good weight too." He was wrapped, and passed to me to hold and feed. I again turned away from him, they looked at me like I had three heads and spoke in a foreign tongue, had they not read the notes, I didn't want to hold my child I didn't want my child, he was possibly being adopted. The doctor asked me for the baby's name.

"Baby Grey for now, I haven't decided, and you nurse, thank you for staying, but can you go now I want to be alone?" She had a last look at the baby and scowled at me as she left, I heard her call me a bitch, so what, I am one, and I am a thoughtless selfish bitch, his last words to me as he left Escala that night were now ringing true...

 _ **Flashback...**_

When he hadn't returned two days later and Taylor refused to tell me where his boss was, instead he relayed a message a cold heartless message, he told me "Mr Grey will see you in a week, he is away on business", and that was a lie too, he would have been with him and as Christian didn't answer his phone, so after Taylor left, I packed a bag of simple clothes, went to the safe took out all the money, placed my rings and my jewellery in and left a note...

 ** _'Fuck you Christian Grey... Once a cheat always a cheat, next time you cheat though, it won't be cheating, because you can't cheat if I divorce you, and don't deny your adultery, I have the voice mail your girlfriend left, and there are plenty of grounds for divorce, a word of warning Christian don't have your fuck buddy drunk call me from your phone, whist she rides you. You are a Bastard, try to find me and I go public with your fucked up past, a past I knew you couldn't leave behind. I always knew I wasn't enough, that point was proven the night you left. I am taking care of the problem as you suggested and taking myself away from the poison you brought into my life, remember don't follow me, I don't want you any more, I didn't walk away either you pushed me Christian, remember that, you did this not me.. "_**

I left Escala by the service elevator, took my car and left it in the local grocery store car park, along with my phone. I went to the bank, and withdrew all the money we had in our joint account, after showing him my identification, I was shown to a room where the manager was sat, he handed me the phone and the bastard had called Christian, of course he had, I was taking a million dollars out of an account owned by the banks biggest client, yes that would arouse suspicion.

"Ana, was it always about the money, did you trap me with the baby, for the money?"

"Fuck you Christian Grey, and if it makes you feel better then yes, I did it all for money."

"Ana..."

"The time for talking was last week; I hope the business trip went well and it was worth it. I am leaving, you can go back to the place you call home I have left and I will never be coming back."

"Ana..."

"Christian, good bye..." I gave the arrogant ass of a manger back the phone, he had words and I was allowed the money. He piled it in a bag and I headed out on foot, aware that he knew where I was and knowing that I went back to the hotel room and I waited for him to come. He didn't...

I washed and dressed and went to my bank, then after making sure the money was put into my own account, I figured it would be safer than walking around with a million dollars. I headed out on my awfully lonely adventure. I hired a classy car using my credit card, a car that could be tracked. I made a quick visit to my dad's, where I picked up my paperwork and said goodbye to my father telling him I was heading home. Obviously, Christian hadn't been in touch with Ray or he would have said something. I then went and bought more normal clothes from Wal-Mart, the old Ana loved it in here. I had kept my bank account in my original name of Anastasia Steele; I know he will trace me and right now I'm a little confused and winging it, I am not the spy or nor do I employ spies, he does and they will follow me, if only to make sure I don't talk, he did that before I had even agreed to try and be his submissive, ha, I knew I wasn't enough, but he made me believe I was. I didn't care now whether I was or wasn't good enough for Christian, I would fight that battle another day with him. That day never came, he never came looking and that was when I broke down... I'd waited in plain sight for two weeks for him to come and apologise and to talk, and he never did. That's when I decided to make a clean break and leave my past behind me. After two weeks of hiding in plain sight didn't evoke a response, and I was failing miserably my road trip to forget, I headed off to Jamaica for some sunshine and sea, I figured I could be happy in the sun, wrong...

I flew to Jamaica first, and money talks and there I managed to get a new identity, I left Ana there in the posh rented villa, with security keeping all callers away, if he chose to come he would think I was still there, I doubt he would he had already made it clear I was not enough, and then I flew to England, I lived in a very cute village in Haworth in Yorkshire, where the Bronte's lived and wrote their famous novels. A village not far from Bradford, in the heart of West Yorkshire, it is so far off Christian's posh radar that he won't even think of looking for me here, and here I am, and here I am know as Gemma Burton, and as Gemma, I had a job in a small publishing house as a copy editor. I rented a small apartment, I ate properly and for all intense and purposes I carried on, I kept myself to myself and worked, ate, slept, did the doctor checkups and existed in the dark space that was now me. I was all ready depressed, but living here alone, made things worse. Then seven months later and here alone, I had our baby...

 _ **Flashback ends...**_

As I lay in the hospital bed looking at the ceiling, I hear a whimpering in the baby thing they have my son in, my son really, I have a son. I want to love him, I am supposed to love him, I loved his father and I got hurt. He, this tiny little thing will break my heart like his father did. I couldn't think straight, I knew I didn't want him, but I knew of a woman who would love him like her own... I was allowed home later that day, and I drove home, with his child. I had the basics for him back at the apartment. I fed him formula and the thing didn't stop crying, he knew I hated him, I wanted to love him, I really did, and on some level I must have. I cared for him and I had put off registering him, but I think that's what finally tipped me over the edge, getting back from filling my little man's birth certificate out. I had had him as Anastasia Grey, so that as me I could have Christian on his birth certificate, However when I put down his father's name a wall came up, a wall of sheer frustration and hate, anger and loathing for the man who had abandoned us, and what for, a woman with a whip and way to keep him amused, in a way it seems I couldn't?

I went home and when he slept, which wasn't for long, I was able to grab a little sleep, but no sleep my paranoia and my depression hit home and hard. I was in England illegally too, that didn't help, every knock at the door every stranger I saw, where they immigration or where they Christian's men? So I locked myself away with the child from hell, which was a mistake I would live to regret. I had been to see the doctor and what I am suffering from is severe postnatal depression, mood swings and a chemical imbalance are to blame, right, because nobody swings a mood like Christian Grey...

After three weeks of screaming and crying, and that was not just the baby, I did as much crying as he did. I thank god too, that one neighbour was deaf and the other out of the country or I think I would have had him taken off me. I sort of smiled at that and wondered would that have been a bad thing? It was my intention of having him adopted, at first, but I think deep down Christian being adopted sort of stopped me doing it to his son. Either that or below all this hatred and depression the old fun loving Ana is still there, I have to hope so, which in deed proved to be the point...

Three weeks after my son's birth, I reached that breaking point, a point where I finally accepted that I need the help of a good woman and my son had to be in safe hands, so with Theodore Raymond Grey, I am heading to Seattle, luckily for me his passport came through just in time, or I'd have been in prison on a murder charge. Yes I'd snapped, and I nearly smothered him a couple of nights ago, as he wouldn't stop screaming, I'd had enough, in my desperation for my peace and in an attempt to gain my sanity back, I did the worst thing ever, me Anastasia Steele, I nearly killed my son, why, because I was tired, alone and depressed. Suddenly something stopped me, and calm Ana was back, she took over and as she did I stopped, threw the pillow away and packed our things, ended my life in England as Gemma and we headed to the airport...

Getting to Seattle was a long and fraught flight, he was not a quiet baby at the best of times and this proved to be the case on the plane, I was in first class and in the bar most of the flight, as it seems his crying not only annoyed me, but most of first class too, he drank water and settled, and though I tried to sleep I was worried about what I would find when I get back, what would the reception be and what would the family and he do? I jumped in a cab and headed to a place I knew I would I hope be welcomed, and if I wasn't, I had to hope their grandson would be.

"Grace I need help, please help me... I am outside your house..." I didn't have too long to wait, before they opened the gate; the taxi drives up towards the house... Her smiling face greeted me and Carrick was by her side. As I stepped out of the car, she hugged me. Then she heard the cries of her grandson.

"Ana, you kept the baby?"

"I did, why would you think I hadn't?"

"Christian said you left, after he told you to abort it, the baby, his child, your child."

"I wouldn't do that Grace, but I do need help, can we stay here without him knowing we are here, not that he has bothered contacting me?"

"Ana he has searched high and low for you."

"I have been hiding out Grace. I been living in England, your grandson is British, and I did something I am deeply ashamed of..."

"Come in out of the cold, Ana you had Grace and I so worried darling. Come in, my grandson is definitely his father's boy, he likes the sound of his own voice, what's the matter little one?"Tell me about it... I gave the taxi driver a hunk of money, the poor man had had to listen to my child all the way from Sea-Tac...

"I know, Grace I went to the doctors several days ago, I have severe postpartum depression, DPP, I think the doctor called it? I had severe depression before I had him and suffered sleepless night for most of my pregnancy and stupidly after I had him I thought it would go away, however it got worse and I have been to hell and back and I can't get out of it Grace I need help, I need you to help, I need you to take Teddy and raise him for me, until I can. I want to love him, but I can't not after what his father did..." I sobbed into Carrick's shoulder and then passed out...

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This story is a story about discovery, so don't hate me before you read it all. Lol thick skinned writer that I am, but give it your best shot and don't go all huffy on Ana and depression it really can be that bad, I have got the tee shirt folks... She did the best thing, and has not hurt the baby at all... so put your metaphoric pen down before you write she is a bad mum or Mom... read review and leave the negative if you wish after one chapter then do so, it is just a short possible ten chapter story...


	2. Chapter 2

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD: FEATURES IN THIS STORY IT IS A SAD FACT THAT MOST MOTHERS SUFFER, SOME IN SILENCE BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEM: SOME ARE LUCKY AND REALISE AND THEY SEEK OUT HELP.

Please be aware this is not a simple case of baby blues this is not, it's about the tough unspeakable topic of postpartum depression, the first couple of chapters are harsh, but there is help and if it touches you or your family members see they get help, it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

* * *

This is a short would be cheat story and as the word is in there yes there was an incident and so if you don't want to read it don't, and don't leave a troll comment if you don't like the theme of cheating, but please remember there are many sides to Fifty, cheating isn't one hint hint... All rights to the fifty branding are applied; this is my story using some of EL James's characters.

* * *

Chapter Two: Where have you been?

I wake up in Christian's old room, way to go Grace. I'd had a few happy times in this room, and she thought to put me here? I looked at the clock and decided to see if they had kept the promise and had not called him. I showered and changed and made myself look as good as I could, just in case he had been allowed in, I must admit the sleep had made me feel better. Not hearing Teddy cry was a strange thing too, for three weeks he has been like a mini shitting screaming tornado, after three hectic weeks and doing everything to calm him, see to him and try to placate him, all done with very little food, I have though lost the pregnancy paunch and I know I am lucky, because nobody would know I'd had a baby to look at me. Thank god I inherited my mother's genes and my body had snapped back into place, aside from the few tiny stretch marks, I am back to being pre pregnant me, but without Christian.

As I walk down the stairs, I hear two very distinct happy voices and one very lacking sound, there is no baby screaming. He must really have hated me. I look over at Carrick and Grace as they fuss over a very happy Teddy.

"How did you stop him from crying?"

"He was allergic to the formula and he had touch of croup, he is fine now. How are you, you have been out of it for two days. Food and drink, you need to eat Ana you need to keep your own strength up now."

"I have what; I have slept for two days, how?"

"You needed it, you were exhausted. Do you want to tell us where you have been and what caused you to run away?"

"I only gave him the milk the hospital gave me, why did I not think it was a simple thing as stupid milk?"

"Babies don't come with an instruction manual Ana, unless you are a doctor or nurse; even then each baby is a different as the next. Did you not want to breast feed him, that could have helped you bond Ana?"

"No, I didn't even want him near me, and touching me there was... No, it was too much, it was just the milk, really, he didn't hate me, he was really only allergic to the formula that the hospital had told me to put him on Grace?" Grace nodded, and yes my heart broke knowing I had been hurting him simply by feeding him the wrong milk. I didn't want him touching my breasts knowing what a feeling it gave me when Christian did it, I didn't want his son near me, how crazy was that, my milk could have helped him, instead I was killing him with crappy formula. He was better, he looked normal and happy, yes happy, because in the couple of days we have been here, he has been a happier baby and now I see him for what he is, a beautiful baby made from love, we were in love and I feel sad all over again, for what he has put me through, but I am now dwelling on it. I think the pills are working too, or perhaps because I have slept well here and had help, the world looks better, I am brought back to the room and I know the dreaded conversation is coming, they have to know why I left, obviously, he hasn't said anything, other than lie to his parents and told them he had looked for me.

"No, Ana, he doesn't hate you, babies can feel all manner of stress my darling girl, and you have everything to be stressed about. Talking about stress, Christian, what did he do, all he says is that he fucked up, his words are not my chosen ones." Carrick and Grace look at me for answers.

"He left me after I told him about the baby, about Teddy, he left me to go to her. He didn't come back and for the next few weeks he ignored me totally, I'd had enough of waiting around, so I withdrew money from our account, and he asked did I do it just for the money, trap him into fatherhood, he thought I did it for money. I'd taken it to set myself and our baby up, and decided on renting the villa in Jamaica, after all why suffer in the shity weather, why not do it in paradise. Anyway, after he didn't bother following me, I figured he didn't want me, so I ran to England, using a fake identification and false name, because I wanted a clean break, it turns out it was the worst thing I ever did, I should have stopped in paradise." I can joke now, but at the time, I was mad at him and mad at myself for being used.

"Carrick did I ask you to make an appointment to see him, Christian, I think I remember doing that?" He smiled as he played with Teddies tiny feet.

"You did, and its set for later today, as is your appointment to go into therapy." I thought I dreamed that, good to know I did good as I slept.

"Ana, you look wonderfully relaxed; do you want to try holding Teddy? He has been fed and changed?" Grace smiles and tries to help me bond with my baby.

"I don't want to hurt him Grace, please you keep hold of him for me, he's happy with you. Please, can we just get this over with; he is expecting you isn't he, Christian?" I want to hold him and love him, but I am ashamed of what I did, and what I could have done and as I stare at him, he smiles, Grace assures me it is wind, but he still smiled.

"Yes, but not for an hour yet, are you sure this is the route you want to take Ana?" Carrick is reading through my paperwork. I assume you have all the evidence to back up your case for divorce, should this go that far?"

"I do, I really do, Carrick do you want to listen to the recording that was sent to my phone that night?" I press play and he listens. Grace is getting Teddy ready for our trip to see daddy dearest.

"He told us he looked for you; he told us you couldn't be found?" It wasn't good listening I know it's what I have tormented myself over and over with for months.

"Can we just go; they won't turn you away, not the both of you surely? I want to get this over with and get my life back on track."

"Yes, we can go earlier; he will see us. He actually said he is looking forward to our visit. I will drive us there; your bags are in the car, after we have finished Grace and I will drive you to Calming Waters. For now though, let's sort out my son. Here are the papers, are they as you wanted Ana?" I looked through them, and yes they were great.

"Yes they look perfect, and all the clauses are in place, the ones that state should that woman come anywhere near my son, or any of the other women he is seeing, he loses all the rights to see him, yes?"

"Yes, as you say he has a lot to lose; Ana are you sure, this is what you want. He will want Teddy."

"He can want all he likes, until he proves to you and Grace he has changed, you get to keep him, hopefully, I will get better and be back to get him, you do promise you are only looking out for him until I am better, yes?"

"Yes, a boy needs his Mommy and Teddy needs you better..."

We head off and I am in the back with Grace and Teddy, I look at him and wonder where the devil spawn is that screamed all the time for me? He is so very beautiful; his copper flecked curls are like his fathers, uncontrollable. He has the sweetest button nose and rosebud lips. He has my eyes, but everything else is Christian. I touch his face, and his mouth comes towards my finger and he sucks on it. I cry a silent tear and it falls as Grace gives me a tissue.

"He knows you love him Ana, just get better and back to us, well and in a better place, that's all we ask. Now okay we are here. Do you want me to carry him or Cary?"

"I will hold the seat, for now if that all right?"

"Of course it is." She smiles at Carrick as we pull into one of Christian's spaces, he is there, because Luke is in the car, as he looks at me he smiles.

"Sawyer, you are not to warn our son Ana is here, do I make myself clear?"

"Sir, he will be so relieved you are here Ana, so relieved, he has been out of his mind looking for you." He showed us up to the tenth floor and then in Christian's elevator to the twentieth floor. "I should warn you he has a visitor, Ana, Mr and Mrs Grey and you are not going to like it, he wasn't expecting you so soon, because Mrs Lincoln is in with him discussing the salons. As it is, he will probably dismiss me for not telling him you are here?"

"Well Luke, I will hire you back as Teddy's CPO. I'd trust you with my son's life, I trusted you with mine." I am beyond angry that the reason that our marriage is over, is in the same room as my husband. I hand the seat to Luke, who smiles as he looks in and sees Teddy.

"Wow, he is like his father, Ana are you going to be okay, once these doors open..."

"...I am ready, Grace, Carrick I told you she was back."

"I know, but not for long." Grace was angrier than I was. As the doors pinged open, Taylor was standing by Olivia, her face was a picture and she smiled. Taylor looked in shock.

"Mrs Grey, you are back, Mr Grey is busy. Please take a seat, Luke, you and I will be having words later."

"Taylor that is a no to both of those things; Luke is now Teddy's CPO, so no words are necessary. I won't wait around like one of his submissives and I won't wait until he finishes his 'chat' with his old whore friend, so unless you want to forcibly stop me, step aside I have my lawyer here and we are serving him papers, as you know I own fifty percent of this place and pay your wages, so move. Olivia keep your finger off that buzzer, or lose your job." He stepped aside and smiled.

"This way Mrs Grey and good luck..." I took a deep breath and walked into the room. His face was hard to describe, but hers was full of hate and disgust, suck it up bitch I'm back...

"Anastasia, what, you, you are here, where the fuck have you fucking been hiding. Welch has been looking high and low for you, I couldn't find you, where have you been, how are you Baby, were you hurt, we checked all the hospitals daily, where the fuck did you go?"

"Now you show concern Christian, how touching, but all done with your whore sat in the same room... What exactly is that slut doing here?" She was about to protest. "Elena, shut your fucking mouth before I personally throw you down the fire escape, you may leave this doesn't concern you. I have business of a personal nature to discuss with Christian! There is no doubt in my mind that he will run straight to you afterwards, and then he will tell you everything I have said, like the good little boy he was when you took his virginity and beat him senseless. Goodbye Mrs Lincoln, are you deaf as well as a deviant?" I may be running on bravado, but she doesn't know this.

"My, oh my, hasn't the little girl grown a pair, speak to me like that again and I will be the one throwing you out." I rounded up on her and rose to her level, my shoulders are squared and I take up my dominant stance. Actually, it's just plain old Angry Ana, well to the more well informed it is.

"Why, Mrs Lincoln? Do you own fifty percent of this company? No... But I do, now move your botoxed ass out of my sight, as I said your whipping boy here, he will come and tell his mistress everything, as he always does, but for now I have asked you nicely to move, the next time I won't be as nice..." She turned for help from her whipping boy, her now grinning boy toy.

"Christian are you going to allow her to talk to me like this, and what does she mean fifty percent of this building?"

"Oh no, you got that so wrong, I own not just the building darling, I owe fifty percent of GEH, and I own twenty five percent of Esclava, seeing as Christian owns fifty percent of that and as such, darling, my accountant will need to see the books, to work out just how much I am due for my shares? Are you still here Elena, as you can see Christian hasn't stuck up for you? Opps did that just cost him a few more lashes of the cane?"

"That's enough Anastasia, Elena leave, she is right she does own fifty percent of everything, and yes, that's including all your salons, so as she said I will be in touch later."

"Christian, Christian you can't be serious, she waltzes in after abandoning you and now she's back what for?" Grace now had hold of Teddy.

"To show him his son and heir, Luke keep hold of him, I have the trash to take out and my son to sort out. Elena, I warned you after my party, I would ruin you, and I am now going to do that, you messed with my son and have had him in your web too long, now it's my turn. Get out of my sight Mrs Lincoln, Taylor see this trash is taken out now..." Taylor did Grace's bidding.

"Ma'am please walk this way, Mr Grey has asked you to leave, as have both Mrs Greys, please..."

"I am going, and Christian, ask for a DNA test, he looks nothing like you." Luke had hidden Teddy from her view, and as she craned her turkey neck for a look, he held Teddy away from her prying eyes.

"Ma'am, as well as being old are you in need of a hearing aid, as it seems you are clearly deaf because my boss asked you to leave, do you need glasses too, he is clearly Mr Grey's son, and as sure as you are a bottled blonde botoxed has been old hooker, he and his son look alike. Oh and I have another job Mr Grey, so don't bother dismissing me, I will be leaving as soon as Mrs Grey and Teddy are ready to leave." Wow, I knew Luke and Taylor hated her, but not how much...

"Thank you Sawyer, please take a seat outside, it seems my wife has someone she wants me to see?" He takes the carrier from Luke. "Mother, stand down, Elena was merely here for our annual six monthly reviews of the Esclava books as you can see here Andrea is here taking notes." He points to the chair in the corner, wow I didn't see Andrea and her note pad camped out in the corner. "Now Ana, do you want to explain what this party is in aid of all, when all you had to do was call me, and I would have come for you. Instead, all I had were the crappy emails you sent?" I swayed a little as he spoke to me and looked at our son, god he has the pull on my heart like no other. Taylor was back, what was that look that passed between Taylor and him, either way Taylor left the room with Luke?

"I never sent you anything; I never called because you didn't come and look for me, and as I had nothing to apologise for, why would I search you out? Had you wanted to find me as you claim, it should have been easy, I used my cards to pay for everything, and as you have security chase everything I do, surely my card usage was monitored? Here sign these before you and I talk, Carrick is representing Teddy and me, so sign them, unless you don't trust your father?"

"Anastasia, why did you run? Here pass me the damned forms, are they for a divorce?"

"No, they are for Grace and Carrick to take temporarily custody of Theodore Raymond Grey. You have some explaining to do. Andrea, can you too wait outside please?" She took her leave and Grace and Carrick sat on the couch. Christian looked over towards his parents, he finally looked at me and took his eyes away from his son, were those tears?

"Ana, you said you were getting rid of him, I thought you had done, Ana I haven't done anything for you to be like this, other than to leave you when you needed me, granted I fucked up, but not enough to warrant you taking him away, and leaving me, Ana I am sorry, I should have..."

"...Yes you left me alone and met up with that old whore, and if you tell me one more time she is a friend, a friend who understands you, a friend who knows your needs. then I swear I will get the other papers signed now, the ones stating your adultery with the old whore, as adultery is grounds for quick divorce, as it is I suggest you then read section five, subsection three A, she, your friend and any other of your substandard sycophants, are not to come within a foot of my son, or you lose half of your company, sign it, so we can discuss you visitation. I have to be going in an hour."

"Dad, what are these papers for do you not trust me with my own son?" I cut Carrick off from answering this is my show and tell not his.

"Your son, whom you didn't want, and thanks to that whore, one I cannot care for, sign or we leave and you get no visitation."

"Ana, what the fuck are you so angry at me for, what did I do? I went out got drunk and slept in the office for several days drinking solidly here." I passed him the USB stick and told him to play it on his laptop, on full sound, so he didn't miss anything. As he listened, his head went to his hands and he cried. So he had fucked a submissive and Elena too. He signed the papers. I went into couldn't give a damn mode, I was over the worst hurdle, and she was here so I didn't get anything wrong.

"So, your son, he is called Theodore Raymond Grey. He weighed in at 8lbs 5oz.'s, and he was born in a place called Harrogate, in Yorkshire in England, three weeks ago on the 23rd of May. He was ten days overdue, and here he is happy, healthy, and alive thanks to Grace, as I said I have to be going. He will be at your parent's home, they will be giving him the support and care he needs. Christian, you will see him only around them; you can see him whenever you want to, if you move back to Belleview, you may live with him there, at no point is he to go anywhere near that whore and nowhere near Escala and your women. I will be back when I am well again, and then we will be moving to the house on the sound."

"Ana, I have never cheated on you, I met Elena in the club that night I went for a drink, it was the only place I felt safe, I did not partake in the scene and my phone did not leave my pocket. I must have made a pocket phone call when Elena was giving instructions to the new girl she had in, one in training, the girl wanted me to do the things the other male was doing, and unusually Elena allowed her to talk to me during the scene. She asked me for my advice and as you heard, I gave it. Give me a few hours and I will have the DVD and you can see I didn't move out of the damned chair all night and I kept my hands and every other part of my body to myself, ask Taylor he rescued me, he was ordered to bring me here, and then to go and see to you, he found me slumped in my office the next morning. I have film of the lost days and it too isn't pretty, as you can see, the furniture is all new in here, because I wrecked the old place. As to my not looking for you, I beg to differ; Welch has been on it every single fucking day. It has cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and we have covered half the world looking for you, and hundreds of man hours."

"Really here are my credit cards, here in this file are all the receipts, for hotel rooms, fuel, food, clothes, rent and just about everything else I used that card for and that's the account I used to draw out the cash, I never hid from you, not in Montesano, not in Seattle and nowhere on my travels, you knew I went to Jamaica. I didn't hide on the planes, in the cars I hired; I knew you would track me, so I didn't bother to hide. I even tried to speak to you when I transferred the million out of the checking account. You put the phone down on me after accusing me of doing it for the money and on purpose."

"What I was an ass that day and wasn't very sober as it goes, but I didn't put the phone down you did." He picked up the phone, and placed it on loud speaker.

"Welch, oh hello Barney, where is Welch?"

"Boss, he got a call and he left, oh about ten minutes ago, why?"

"Who did the searching for Ana?"

"Welch, it was his own personal mission to find her. I offered to help, but he locked me out and yeah I tried on my own. I traced her cards to her father's place, back to Seattle and the flights to Jamaica. However, she never used them again. I swear he has worked damned hard to find her. I will get on it again Sir; I don't know why I pissed you off enough to want me off looking for her? Just give me a chance I know I fucked up, letting the bank authorise the bank transfer of your joint funds, but when the bank rang, if you remember I was here in this office with you but you were drinking whiskey for days, you told me to deal with it you handed me the phone after she spoke to you, you were harsh and I told you that and I figured you would want her to have the money, you passed out, but you'd talked to her for like two minutes and I just figured you meant what you said and she could have the money. You told me to leave the case alone when Welch told you I fucked up. I told him she had used her passport a couple of days ago and one for your son, did he not tell you, god he didn't, but she did, she is in Seattle sir, I will find her if you give me the chance to?"

"Well, all that is news to me, I didn't even know the money had gone, Welch said she hadn't touched any of our money I presumed you only had what was in the safe Ana? She has used the card everywhere Barney, and there is no need to look for her, she's stood here in the office and has for the past few months, Ana how long where you in Jamaica for?" He seems to be genuine, is he?

"About a month, until I figured you didn't care, I went there after a month travelling here there and everywhere else, and before I fled to England, to the home of the romantic setting for the many romance novels of the Bronte Sisters. Stop putting off the obvious Christian, the recording, I know heard what I heard Christian..." I saw some light at the end of the tunnel, but I feel light headed and nauseous, I need my medication, being in the same room as him is taking its toll on me.

"Boss, Mrs Grey, he has left his files open, which is odd, do you want me to check what he has done?"

"Yes please Barney. Taylor get over here now..." Taylor went to his side and listened as Christian bellowed out instructions, making Teddy cry. He stopped shouting and stared at his son, I saw the tears, but I didn't care they were nothing to the ones I had cried, I won the tears war, and the bitchy one it seems, my head aches, I need to get out of here, Grace sees and hands me water and my pills I thank her as Christian watches what I am doing, as he lost weight? God get over it Anastasia, my inner goddess, well that's wrong, she's now an angry shrew sat on a stone wall.

"I want you to find Welch, find out who he is with and have him watched. Barney check his financials, check to see what he did with the ten million dollars I put in the account to find Ana, you know for fees and for the damned detectives he had."

"He left, just after Mrs Lincoln Sir..."She is there again right in the damned middle and her puppet looks shocked, nothing she does shocks me, but him still believing her and dealing with her, that is a mystery I cannot fathom, her hold on him, over him, whatever hold she has on him confuses the shit out of me..

"Barney get back to me please and the detective he had on the pay roll get him for me."

"Sir, I will get right back on it..." He is still looking at Teddy and then at me

"Christian I have to be going, as intriguing as all this is, I have to be checked in, and in half an hour, are you willing to do as I ask?" He looked for permission to pick up Teddy, as I nodded my head, he picked up his son and cradled him lovingly in his arms, he had robbed me of being able to do that, he even gets to play the doting father.

"Ana, what is wrong with you, are you ill Baby?" He came towards me to hug me, with our son in his arms, months ago, I would have willingly fallen into his arms, but not now, he is burying what I know I heard and making me out to be at fault.

"I am suffering from severe PPD, and it was so bad I tried to kill my baby boy, that one you can lovingly pick up and love, well I can't bear to be near him, because he was why you left me because of him, you left me for Elena, he is the cause of all this, I can't do this Christian... Your mother knows the story, I have to be going, again Grace knows of the clinic, there are no visits for two weeks, and so it gives you two weeks to sort out the mess you caused. The paperwork is all there Christian, and I swear I will take you for every penny I can, if she or your whores go anywhere near him."

"Ana, there has been nobody near me, ask Jason. You can't leave, not now I have found you. Baby I fucking love you and our son. Ana stay here please, Mom can treat you, stop with her, Baby please stop with my mother?" I backed away from Christian and Teddy. This was too little too late. Grace stepped forward and held me, I was safe here with Grace, my tormentors were here and laughing at me. He was winning again...

"No Christian, she needs more help than I can give her. Christian, she is at the end of her tether; do you think she looks good? Well she isn't; it's all make up and bluster. She is malnourished under those baggy clothes she has on; she weighs less now I would imagine, than she did before she had Teddy, she is sleep deprived and a wreck, and she was steps away from killing her child. She knew she needed help and has sourced the best woman for the job, your father is taking her there now, how about we take Teddy home, he needs feeding?"

"No, I will take Ana, please Ana, let me drive you there, Mom and dad can come too I just can't let you go; not now you are back."

"Christian, the mood I am in right now, I could walk off a cliff and be thankful the dark has gone, I need help, and I am not coping. You think your nightmares are bad, try mine, try listening to you screw around, try hoping for the love of your life to walk through the door. Christian I stopped in plain sight waiting for you to rescue me, to come and show some remorse, to beg me to come back, and I got bitter and twisted listening to those recordings, I knew I wasn't enough. Why did you have me believe I was?"

"Ana, you are enough please come home, both of you, I will get you the best help available, please?"

"No... You all go home; he will need feeding and changing. Luke can take me to the clinic. Phone the clinic and they will tell you how I am. Prove all this crap Christian, help me get well again by proving you love me. Stop all contact with her now and get rid of everything connected with your old life, make me believe I am all you need. I am steps away from being like Ella, do you want me as crazy as her and for your son to grow up and hate me as you did her?"

"No, Ana don't go, give me a day to sort this out, and your son won't hate you, I won't let him. God what have I done, I have broken you, as I always said I would if you stopped with me. Ana please, give me some time to fix this, please wait a few days and then go in, if you still need to?"

"No, in those few days I will be getting help. Grace, please look after them both, Christian I will see you in two weeks. Luke, Luke I need you to drive me to Calming Waters. Carrick can you walk me down and get my bags from the car? Don't come down Christian, this is hard enough as it is." I walked out and went towards the elevator with Luke, Taylor and Carrick, I watched as the doors shut, and heard Christian plead with me to stay, just as I had done all those months ago. I cried as I got out.

"Taylor why did you lie and say he was away on business?" I didn't trust anyone, such was my mindset, I wanted to, but alas their past actions did nothing to make me trust any of them.

"Ana, he had to be carried out of the dungeon of that damned club, he was with Elena Lincoln that much is true, but when she got too close, I stepped in and carried him here to sleep it off. I asked Welch to get me the tapes. It seems I may have asked the wrong head of security to help. I will have Barney look for the tapes. Ana, he was incapable of walking let alone perform as the recording suggested. He then drank himself to near death for weeks; I didn't leave his side other than to grab a bag for him. He has looked for you."

"You didn't look for me, Barney looked for me, but because of Welch I was not found, did you not think it was funny I had not left a trace?"

"Mrs Grey, Ana, he got those emails from all over the world. Stating you were fine without him. He had Welch tracing those all over the world. One guy had travelled behind you so many times, only to arrive at your last email location and find he had missed you by a few hours, your picture was shown and it was you they identified."

"Well take any one of the other fifteen's photos and they could be mistaken for me too. Sort this Taylor and make sure you find out who did this to us."

"I will Mrs Grey, and I am sorry I didn't just tell you he was drunk and afraid."

"I'm unsure of anything you say any more Taylor, you lied to me before what's saying you are not lying to me now?

"Carrick thank you and tell Grace to call Charlotte, every day." He gave me a kiss and I left on my road to recovery, hopeful that this was all Mrs Robinson's doing and finally Christian could see her for what she was a manipulative old whore, who robbed him of seeing his son grow inside me and be birthed, and she and that recording turned me into a wreck, but given I got my balls back in his office, I feel the tunnel is still dark but I am sure there will be light at the end, I can't see it yet, but I know it's there...

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As I had all ten chapters on my old laptop I stupidly thought they were in my cloud, turns out they are missing in action, but the plots there and it's just a short story, based on a friends struggle with learning to love herself and her new baby, it is a personal journey and a hard one to do justice to, but PPD is a serious condition, it's not just a tired mother wanting attention nor is it always evident. If you have a friend who seems okay, but there's just something you can't place, look deeper, she could be hiding her pain behind a wall of bravado. I may have said it was a cheater because Ana thought it was, please don't write the end, before I have started lol... Thanks for the awesome reviews and your deep understanding of how overwhelming motherhood is... xxx


	3. Chapter 3

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

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Post postpartum depression:

PPD: FEATURES IN THIS STORY IT IS A SAD FACT THAT MOST MOTHERS SUFFER, SOME IN SILENCE BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEM: SOME ARE LUCKY AND REALISE AND THEY SEEK OUT HELP.

oh and on a good note, thats end of cheating theme I hope you stuck with me lol...

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Chapter 3: My son, my world, my Ana:

As the elevator doors close, I'm shocked, I'm sad, I'm confused, and I am stood holding our son and calling for Ana, I have never cheated on my wife, I have never even considered it, when I asked her to marry me it was because I loved her and that hasn't changed. My son moves and god my heart is bursting from my chest, how the hell could I have suggested for one single moment she should have rid us of him? Bastard comes to mind, selfish dark bastard. I need answers. I need to think, I think my son has made a mess in his diaper, because he stinks...

I head back into my office determined to find answers to the how, what and the why, I have a fucking good idea of who is involved in all this, and she will pay. Boy will she pay if I find she is behind this, and then I realise, what do I mean if, of course it was her doing, she has been overly attentive, she has not been pushy, she has not been Elena, wham, the lights go on, she has been manipulating me, but using Welch why him? I need Taylor on this; he brought him in as the expert. I head in to the office and place my son, my son in my arms and look for somewhere to be with him and look at him, I get a head rush and look at my mother, yeah I fucked up mother, stop with the eyes. I know dad, please stop... I think but say nothing. And that's my problem my over thinking my past.

I look at the bag my mother has and I guess that's Teddy's stuff? I head over and take the bag and my boy to the bathroom, crap, he needs a flat surface, a safe flat surface, what if he wiggles off? I go back into my office and search out a safe flat surface. My desk is immediately cleared of the clutter and I place this tiny thing on it.

"Okay Mom, are you going to help me here or do I have to figure this out on my own too?"

"I think you are doing okay, but put the mat down first." I look in the bag and then look again, damn the front of the bag is a mat, okay first hurdle over with I found the mat. I then place the little blob on it.

"Dad, what did Ana tell you?" I can do this and see to my son, I think.

"Basically what she has been doing and how you didn't look for her. You told us you did."

"I did Dad, I really did, and Taylor will be back in a minute." I press the button for Andrea. "Andrea, bring all the Ana files in please and place them on the conference table and can my parents have refreshments, Mom does Teddy need food?" I then realise what I said, "I mean a bottle or something?"

"He does, it's in there too, concentrate on one thing Christian, change his bottom first." Okay, she is enjoying this, but all the time my thoughts are with Ana, she is back, she is alive and she is alone again and its all my fault. I unhook my son from his clothes and then assemble the line up of wipes, diaper, creams and associated baby stuff from out of the bag. I look and unfasten the strips holding in my little mans junk. It is not a nice sight, I don't look up because I know they are waiting for me to fail, and I know they are grinning. First off with the diaper, and as soon as I do he pees, okay, he has an impressive aim for a three week old, next time keep on the diaper. I smile and wipe away the crud, what the hell is he being fed, this looks like alien crap. I wipe away the gunk, he is fed on milk so why is it multi coloured greens? I will not ask. I wipe and wipe until there is just pink skin and a baby kicking his little chubby legs, cream or powder? I decide both, then the diaper, okay it came off okay so I suss the way it goes on and fasten it up, I stick the tabs down, and clear away the crud and mess I made, my very expensive desk looks like a battle field. There was less damage done at Little Big Horn. I get Teddy back into the clothes he had on and silently, I am very proud of myself. Until I see their faces, what, what did I do?"

"Good job son, how many diapers did you use?" I look and see the reason for their merriment, Okay I used the whole lot, and there are masses of powder and cream everywhere. My son, Ana's son is happy clean and I look like I have been at a cream pie party, when did I touch my hair with the cream, why did they not step in to help? How did Ana do this every day for three weeks and alone?

"Mom, Dad how long have you had Ana and Teddy at the house?"

"Just two days Chris, she turned up out of the blue. She asked your mother here for help and we did. Seeing our grandson for the first time was an amazing experience I can tell you."

"I bet, is she very unhappy, the gentleness of her eyes is no longer there, she looked lost she looked nothing like the girl I fell in love with, have I done all this to her? Don't answer it was a rhetorical question, of course it was my doing, but that night was like a kick in the head, I wasn't ready for being a father, I was barley used to being a husband. I obviously fucked up, and I know I did, but I presumed she would wait around for me to get my shit together. Why though, I don't know, I mean I have been selfish in my needs and in dismissing hers, I proved I am not capable of loving her the way she needs to be loved, I failed and I don't know if I would give me a second chance, do you think she will Mom?" My mother smiles, she thinks there is hope then there must be. Ana has to come back she has to get better and she has to be well before she can even think of forgiving me, I need to see John and really discuss how I can help Ana, I know I have changed this past year, I know I need to do more, I know I have to do a major store clean out and that starts with Elena...

I take out his bottle and I sit in a comfy chair as my mom readies his little bottle, we should be at home, Ana should be here too, that's all that goes through my thick skull too. Mom gives me feeding instructions. I settle and so does Teddy. The commotion in the conference room is blocked out by Dad closing the blinds; they see too how much paper work there is. I peer down at Teddy as his tiny lips caress the nipple of his bottle; he chugs away like Elliot at a beer keg. God he is a hungry baby, my mom sits at the side of me and supervises.

"Ana has had difficulty feeding him and getting him to settle, had he been on the correct milk and feeding I doubt she would have had as many problems as she has, but Christian, she has had a lot to deal with, mainly that night. Why come here and not go home; it's not like there wasn't a guest room, Christian, why did you not come home to me, why lie to her, and why have Taylor lie to her too, do you see where you went wrong Christian, can you see why she is as she is, destroyed and broken?" My mom is angry, but it is all done in a calm voice.

"I don't know why Mom, I mean, I was upset that she had done it, I mean got pregnant, and yes I know it takes two, but all she had to do was to get her shot on time."

"Shots fail, and she did have her father to deal with. She was busy working and being a good daughter and wife at the same time; she didn't do it on purpose, but why run back to her, her of all people?"

"I didn't I went for a drink at a bar, they stopped selling it to me, so I went to my club, where they couldn't stop selling it me, I happened to be sat alone and drowning in self pity, watched by Taylor, who I had fired three times. Elena and her party used the room I was sat in and I, in my drunken haze, talked to her and advised her, I didn't engage in any of her game play, though she did beg me to, I was there to drown myself in whiskey and self pity, not have sex with someone other than my wife. I am monogamous mother and to my wife, even if she doesn't have me back and we remain married, I will never cheat on Ana.

Elena she preyed on my weakened defences and I played into her hands whilst my defences were down, no, it's not a good excuse I know, Taylor got me out of there and I refused to get in the car, here was the nearest place to dump me at whilst I sobered up, but I didn't I drank for days, I felt betrayed and so confused, so alone and so I don't know not like me at all. I didn't want to see her like that. I told Taylor to tell her I was away on business, so she didn't come and look for me. Then I got the email saying she wanted a divorce, and well I locked myself away in a hotel room after I wrecked this place.

I wrecked that room too and only stopped drinking when I finally choked on my own vomit and Taylor again saved me. I decided to come clean to Ana and ask for help, I got a text and it said she was leaving the country and she had dealt with the problem, then I get I think a call from the bank manager, but by that time I was drunk again, she'd asked for money and apparently you heard her, I accused her of all sorts of shit in my drunk ramblings and that's where the day ended I was back drinking and I returned home to Escala to stop her, only to find she had already gone and she has emptied the safes. I didn't come out of the office for days; I was a mess because I had thrown away the best thing in my life. I stopped drinking and had a couple of days to get my head together, Welch helped, because somewhere in there I remembered Barney giving her the funds to leave me. He was on my shit list until just an hour ago. I guess you little man are all full up, how do I... I mean what do I do?"

"You need to wind him he is a very colicie little baby, this was also part of Ana's inability to cope, now gently rub his back in circular motions and help him release his wind."

"You did this when you brought Mia home, I helped. I remember I helped?"

"You did, now what are you going to do about Ana?"

"Get her healthy; get her to bond with Teddy and hopefully if she will, get her to forgive me. I realise it will take time, I didn't used to be a patient man, however I have learnt whilst looking for Ana, that losing it with everyone gets me nowhere, so what do you suggest I do Mom?"

"We need to get the little one home, which is at Belleview for the time being, are you returning home with us?"

"You have to ask Dad? My place is where my son is; I mean if that's okay? Mom, is it okay?"

"Of course it is, have all this brought to the house, you are working from home for a while Christian, Taylor, can you arrange for that to happen and have Barney call at the house, we have questions that need answering." I looked at my mother and smiled, she didn't hate me as much as I thought she would. I don't deserve her loyalty, but I have it. I wish Ana had waited a little while, I am sure John could have made a house visit? I rub Teddy's back and he lets out a belch that frightens him, and makes a room full of adults turn to mush, his daddy included. Poor Ana is missing this.

The news of my son has my staff eagerly watching us, for a glimpse of him as we pass through the lobby on our way home; this amuses me and annoys me too. I have been very selfish of parting with him, much to my father's amusement, but mom though is itching to grab him. I look towards Welch's room and wonder why he has done this to me and what was in it for him? No disrespect to the man, but he isn't young enough to be Elena's type, nor is he physically fit enough to endure one of her milder sessions, if he was in fact getting paid in kind to fuck with my life. I see Barney loaded down with files, and give him a smile, he has been the only one truly looking for my wife, and for that I am thankful, had Welch not had his own agenda, then she would be here happy here with me and with our son, at least I think she would?

As we ride in the car home, well to my parent's home, as per the agreement, I signed just so Ana would speak to me, my heart dropped when I thought she was divorcing me, I still have a lot to do to make sure she doesn't place them before me. That is not happening, I love her and need her, and I am not losing it all for a momentary lapse in judgment. Okay a couple of weeks in lapsed judgments and phony emails and texts did me more harm, that was the catalyst to my drinking more, my seeing her emails saying she was leaving me and that she hated me then texting me telling me to stop texting her, that was ironic because there were days I just texted in hope of getting a reply.

When we get back I relax, it seems like forever since I have been here, Teddy is asleep. I carry him to my old room. My mother has had a crib placed in it; she knew I wouldn't want him anywhere else. She was right. I placed him in gently and removed my shoes and jacket and sat on the bed, my room smelt of Ana, I lay down for a second and hugged my pillows, the smell I had been missing for months was fresh in my nostrils, I Christian Grey wept like I had lost her all over again. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I must have because I woke when I heard the unusual cry at my side, I fell off the bed such was my surprise, it wasn't a dream, he was here and I had a son and my wife was no longer missing. I crawled over and looked in, he was punching the air and screaming, wow he has a powerful set of lungs on him for such a little baby.

I pick him up and head down, how do you shut them up, I have tried cuddles, his diaper doesn't stink, he is not wet, he just screams. I carry him into the day room and see my mother with a bottle.

"He needs this; does Grandma get a look in?" I reluctantly hand him over. "Imagine him doing that all day every day, because he is hungry and the food you are feeding him is doing him harm, then imagine being alone, in another country and then imagine being so depressed you can't think straight and then finally add in sleep deprivation." My mother says as she takes the little bawler off me.

"That's what has made Ana need specialist help?" I ask, stupid Christian, very stupid.

"I would say so and then add in the whole lot of confusion with you Christian. Now in the dining room everything is pinned on walls and in piles on the table, and Barney has been busy whilst you slept."

"He has, where's my phone?" I ask my mom.

"Turned off, she keeps ringing you."

"Ana, is she okay, does she need me to go and get her?"

"No, Elena you moron, she has your number, and she has rang and rang all afternoon, do we need to remind you what you will lose if you don't sort that Paedophile out? Because if you don't I swear I will." My mother is angry, and rightly so.

"I am on to it Mother, I mean I really am on to it. I have just a business relationship with her now, I will sever all ties in the morning and gift her the damned salons, they are losing money since you stopped using them Mother, I was suggesting that to her when Ana came in, if you look at the notes Andrea took, it was the last thing we discussed."

"Oh, you mean it?"

"Yes mother, Elena has been annoying me with her thoughts on Ana for quite a while and I have had enough, if I find out she has anything to do with this, I will ruin her and leave her with nothing though. Are you okay with Teddy if I go and see what Barney has found out?" She nods and I go in and see what if anything, has been found out.

"Hello Son, did you sleep well?"

"I did Dad, Barney what have you found out?" I ask, as I stare at Ana's pictures, photos with Teddy in a stroller and these were not taken here, what the hell?

"You are not going to like it Boss." I can see that already, these photos are of Ana in her various stages of her pregnancy; I clench my fist and pace the wall.

"Tell me who I am going to kill first Barney?"

"Well, I'd say as I sent these documents to Welch, perhaps him? When Ana, sorry Mrs Grey used her actual passport, and one for a Theodore Raymond Grey a couple of days ago. He has been texting you from her phone, and using her laptop to email you. They were locked in his file cabinet in this office, I can't tell you why, only he can tell you that, but Id say you need to be killing him first."

"Money perhaps, the fund for finding Ana, it has ten million in it, how much is left in it?"

"What fund, there is no money in any fund, as to a finding Ana and using the fund there was nobody looking into her disappearance only Welch." I sat down and Taylor looked across the table.

"I brought him in Sir, I take responsibility for this." Taylor looks like crap.

"Why, what do you know that I don't?" I ask, is it that bad? Taylor nods at Barney to continue.

"He it seems has expectations of being a billionaire and living your lifestyle, he has been insider trading for years, he invested in the companies you were looking at and you have been buying him out for years, he is wealthy, but not quite a billionaire just yet, I mean he has a lot of money. He was going to be putting in a faux kidnap plot, that's in these files here." I pay him a small fortune, he knows my secrets, and he knows all about the others, he has seen the files I kept on them, the photos. F.U.C.K...

"Is Mrs Lincoln involved in all this?" I ask, I think I know she is, even before I ask.

"No, she did though approve his acceptance into some of the clubs you attend, he was also at the club the night you went to nurse that second bottle of scotch, hearing about the impending arrival of your son he decided to use that as a catalyst to bring about your own destruction. I am sure he cloned your phone, which is easily done seeing as you trusted him, and he filmed and recorded it and sent the call to Ana."Barney has been busy.

"I didn't make the call then?" I ask stupidly.

"No, but you were still there Sir." Taylor points out the fucking obvious.

"So Elena, has she nothing to do with Ana's disappearance?"

"No, as much as it pains me not to implicate her, the only thing she has done is try her best to get you back into your old party scene." I sigh.

"Taylor have Ros gift Elena the salons, with specific instructions that once they are hers, they come at the price of her leaving me and my family alone. No, forget that, I will tell her this; just get Ros to start the process. She may not want to accept them considering the price tag attached."

"Sir..." He walks away and makes the call. I look at the photos on the wall and Ana has lost too much weight. If I thought the five days we were parted at the beginning took their toll on her, seven months have ruined her, I have ruined her. I didn't fuck up; I am the fuck up.

"Can we do anything about all this?" I ask my father.

"He did use insider information. Trading based on insider information is illegal, because it is seen as unfair to other potential investors, who do not have access to the information as Welch had; with insider information, it has potentially made him far larger profits than a typical investor could not have made, he could be prosecuted if the trading was conducted if he did so acting as your corporate officer, and he being a key employee in gathering the information for you, he used this information so legally he must report this to the regulator or publicly disclose his interest, usually within a few business days of the trade. I gather he didn't, his assets could be seized." My father ever the attorney did not gather what I meant by do something...

"Barney, _can we do something_ to get back what he stole?"

"Sir, Mr Grey senior, you may want to leave the room, what I am going to suggest is a little hickey!"

"Consider me out of the room." I laughed at my father and shook my head.

"He has transferred the fund for finding Ana, to an old expense account for the securities department; along with other payments you have made for various other purchases in the security department, including the fund to settle disagreements with the public, you know when you get a little mad, or one of the girls need extras, he also dealt with their payments. That is still live; I can simply transfer it and add in the new security codes and firewalls I have been working on, let's not forget he is good at his job and you hired him because of this?" Tell me about it Barney.

"Do it, claw back as much as you can legally and then work on a plan of ruining him too, legal would be better, but I am not above illegally making him pay for his part in Ana being as she is. I know Dad before you say it I shouldn't have gone to the bar or the club."

"Good, I think my son is learning, now where is Welch?"

"He's gone to ground, he is good at hiding and in plain sight, he still has money in accounts we have yet to find, that's the trouble Boss, you only hire the best. I have a friend who is sort of good at looking on the dark web, he is better than me in that area, and Welch used him for some of your more interesting searches and he is more advanced than Welch, he's a old in the hacking and computer tech game now, he still knows some tricks, but I know younger better people, people I trust."

"I'd say have him and whoever you get checked out, but we had Welch checked. Taylor what do you suggest?"

"Sir, the last man I suggested has robbed you and kept you from your family and even has a kidnap plot set up, and yes we have covered the centre Mrs Grey is at and doubled up here, Sawyer will be like a limpet on Master Grey. Barney get who ever you trust and I am sorry we believed everything Welch told us about you." I nod my head perhaps Barney is the right guy to head up security, now I don't think he has the pot problem as Welch had said he had...

"Say that again Taylor."

"What Sir?"

"Master Grey... It sounds wonderful. He is wonderful, as is his mother." I smile as I say it; this is so unfair that Ana is not here to witness my genuine love for our son. What was I so worried about? She said I would be a good father, why did I doubt myself, and then my phone goes and the reason I doubted myself is ringing me?

"Sir he is, and I think he is hollering again." I listen as his lungs make his presence known, wow he is loud and persistent. I don't take the call I head to see our son, Ana he means more to me than listening to her lies, please get well, please come back to me I think as I head to see my son and ask my mother what I have been too afraid to ask, what did Ana do to Teddy that made her seek out help and where is this help coming from...

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I hope you are happy with the why... lol love the reviews and pm's I am glad you like the way I am dealing with ppd, the tough chapter is about dealing with it and its coming by next I still have the other two stories to write too lol x


	4. Chapter 4

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

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Post postpartum depression:

PPD: FEATURES IN THIS STORY IT IS A SAD FACT THAT MOST MOTHERS SUFFER, SOME IN SILENCE BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEM: SOME ARE LUCKY AND REALISE AND THEY SEEK OUT HELP.

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Chapter 4: The calm before the storm:

As I pull away from Grey House, I take a last look back. My heart is in there, my world is back on the twentieth floor and hopefully he will fix what is broken and make me believe it was a mistake and that I was wrong to run. Was I wrong to run? I did what was right for me at the time. Christian looked to be telling the truth and Taylor certainly looked pained.

"Luke, did he look for me really?"

"He did Ana, he, Taylor, Welch and I spent hours going over the reports they had in on you. He has been having nightmares again and has had very little sleep; he is not the man he was, he is jumpy and very wary about people around him. Your father has had the police call on Mr Grey a few times, he has been ill too; did you not even call him?"

"I made telephone calls, to him Kate and my mother once a week short and enough to let them know I was okay and I told them I was going to be travelling the world and seeing the things I'd always wanted to. I wanted to get away from everything, including my parents. My mother was annoyed that I didn't just go to her in Savannah, and Dad well let's say he cussed a lot, but I was doing what I wanted to do. Had I told them, they would have told Christian and I couldn't take the risk. I didn't want to, if I am honest, I wanted to shut myself away. Kate hasn't said anything other than I am a selfish cow..."

"How did that go then, getting away from everyone who could have helped, did you not think to ask me for help Ana?"

"No, I didn't want anyone's help, as to how it went? It didn't go too well actually, but I got to work in a small publishing house and I wrote a book, took long walks on the moors in Yorkshire, I loved those because of my love of Heathcliff and Cathy, you know from Emily Bronte's novel Wuthering Heights?"

"I know the novel, we did it in English classics in college, but to go all the way to England, were you mad, like the lovers in her story?"

"A little yes, now Welch, has he been acting out of character since I disappeared?"

"He is always a little weird, he was in his own world most of the time, I know I worked some of the leads we got in on you, he convinced everyone you were still in the country, and when he'd sent this mystery guy to Europe to look at some leads he said he had there, I might add he was annoyed that he had to, because it was me who thought you were in Europe. Who knew you were? We did travel to Jamaica, because as you said, that was a clear paper trail left by you, one I happened across about ten weeks after you disappeared, Welch said he had checked it out and the girl looked nothing like you, but I felt it it was worth going to see, he said it was a fruitless task, but we went because it was where you last used your credit cards."

"I stopped there a month, after the weeks of waiting for him here in Seattle, it was somewhere I should have stopped thinking about it."

"We know, when we got there you had been gone about a month. After Mr Grey sobered up he wanted you found, he took the news of the baby very hard and the email you sent saying you had got rid of the baby, sent him into such a spiral and I have never seen him so lost. He blamed Barney for most of it, had you not had money you couldn't have gone anywhere. Barney fucked up giving you access to so much money, he too was desperately trying to find you, he bypassed Welch and gave me the information and I then gave it to Taylor and Mr Grey, information that you or your cards were last used in Jamaica; we flew down, the boss, Taylor and me only to find you not at home. Your stuff was all there, but you had gone. He searched the island and questioned everyone. You had arrived on the island, but never left the island, he was convinced you had killed yourself; he identified two young girls' bodies in the months after, each time thankful they were not you. He has torn hair out of that head of his and turned gray in patches too."

Oh hell, my heart broke, what did I do, though I didn't send any emails nor any texts, he wouldn't have know that? He must have been so sick identifying the girls. I realised how selfish I was when my dad ranted at me, that I was thoughtless and he was having a hard time forgiving my actions, because that wasn't the way he raised me to be, he needs time to come to terms with what I did too, surely they all know this was not what I was like, and this was out of character for me? If Welch is to blame, I want his head on a platter and his balls minced for my pet iguana to eat, when I buy one that is! I have moments of stupidity in my thoughts and supposed hilarity, and this should not be one of those moments, but my head is all over the place right now.

"I left a note, telling him why I had gone, it was with my rings?"

"Where did you leave it, we never found one?"

"In the safe and only he has access to his safe, don't tell me he never looked in the safe?"

"We checked, there was stuff missing from your jewellery safe, Mr Grey's safe and his office safe, where we found there was money missing, Mr Grey presumed you had left it open and taken the money and jewels from all three safes?"

"His confidential papers were they taken?"

"If you mean his girls stuff, no it was left, that's why he thought you had taken everything else?"

"I took the money yes and my passport and things that were mine; I left everything he bought me there, all the jewels and my wedding rings. Welch, he would have know this, Christian had the apartment wired surely, I gave you the slip once or twice, I know that much, I left my phone and laptop in the car at Wal-Mart?"

"You did what? We couldn't find your car anywhere, what's betting Welch had his men shift it, he must have been watching you in Escala and killed the feed and tracked your car, I mean Taylor needed me to help with the boss, so Welch had the others watching Escala and you? I know Barney has your phone and laptop, they were found in Welch's office earlier. The feed was cut at Escala, when you gave us the slip using the service elevator and after that Welch had new guys on the door. Mr Grey, he wrecked his office, he wrecked another hotel room after Escala, god two hotel rooms, an office, your home and his play room, Taylor ended forking out a lot of money that month in breakage fees." He had wrecked the red room of pain, really, that I would have liked to see.

"Oh... Can we not talk about this; it is making me ill, I mean the thought that some of this could have been avoided is making me ill."

"Okay we have a short drive, so settle in there Ana, Prescott is to stop within walking distance of you whilst you are there, security has been upped because of a kidnap threat they found, Mr Grey said I was to be up front and honest to show he was not hiding anything, so do not give Prescott the slip okay? The centre has allowed her the use of a staff room there, and I will be on hand if needed as I am stopping in the gate house. I have a few books to see me through the weeks. I locked and loaded my iPad and my iPod too, so I am good to stay a while, how long is a while exactly, can I ask?" Prescott is already there he is being up front and not like Christian at all. I guess he learnt from the Leila incident keeping secrets kills me. I suppose too that there must be truth in all is ramblings, after all Luke has never lied to me ever.

"As long as it takes, as long as it takes Luke. It took me eight months to get this depressed, so I figure it could take a while."

"Okay then here's to the winding road ahead of us." Amen to that I say.

"Thanks Luke. You have always been good to me."

"I consider you a friend Ana, and as your friend I can tell you he loves you Ana and as a friend I am telling you he needs you, just as much as you need him."

"Thanks, we will see. I got used to doing it my own way Luke."

"How did that work out for you Mrs Grey?"

"Point taken on board, watch the road Sawyer..."

"Ma'am..." For the first time in a long time there was light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel. I am a bad mom, because not once did I concern myself over Teddy. Just Christian, god this is going to be a long haul...

Luke and I approach Calming Waters; it's an hour away from Seattle by car, in a place called Bay View, it is by the waters of Padilla Bay, I love the sound of the water, that's why I loved the house Christian picked for us to raise our family in, funny that, funny that he picked the house, a house for a family, but didn't want a family to go in it? That should have told me something, that loving a man who told me he didn't want children was a bad idea, considering I did want a child, hell I wanted three or four kids, but Teddy will be an only child I think.

"Hello Mrs Grey, we spoke on the phone, I'm Charlotte Ward, welcome to Calming Waters. Here let me get your bag, your security has already checked out the place and your bedroom Mr Luke Sawyer is in the gate house. We will see you in due course I would think, if you are Luke?"

"You will and before should the need arise, unfortunately Miss Prescott has to be near at all times, the threat rate has been increased since we set off from Seattle, if that is a problem we can find somewhere else to stay?"

"No, Miss Prescott has done her checks and we are monitored, we are not a prison, but our security is way better than the norm here, my husband is a securities expert, so I have the best protection available for the guests safety and that of my staff, we have to be in a safe environment, for us to feel safe. Mrs Grey, do you want to say your goodbyes to Luke?"

"Yes, thank you Charlotte, or is it Dr Ward?"

"Charlotte is more than fine Ana, we are like family here. I will leave you to your farewells then, then please join me in the hall, so we can show you around and then book you in." I turn and say goodbye to Luke, he leaves me, after ensuring I see where he will be, he is at the bottom of the drive in what is like two large towers with a Juliet balcony and a bridge type of a building connecting the two, I saw one or two of these in a couple of old manor houses, on my travels around the estates of Yorkshire, and hearing that there is a bigger threat is a good thing for me to hear, it proves he is not hiding things from me. I take a last look around and wonder is the place on lock down, am I allowed out into the grounds? I know we passed through two sets of gates and there is a massive fence surrounding the place, it does look like a prison, all be it a nice looking prison. I open the door and wow, not at all clinical; it looks like it's a home not a mental hospital. I mean I am going gaga; I am a nut job, ergo I am in denial...

"Hello Ana, your bags are in your room. Let me give you the tour, it's a lot bigger than it looks, here is the main lounge, it's a quiet lounge, the second lounge room here is the library, seeing as all personal electrics are banned, I am afraid its old fashioned books for reading, when you are allowed to call your family, it is on the land line. There are no computers; so there are no emails, there are no televisions and no newspapers. We are back in the dark ages, only with lights. Through these doors are the dining room, the kitchen and through this side are the staff offices and healing rooms, by healing I mean a meditation room and a room with our salt water isolation therapy tank. We have a music room, complete with a piano, and a few other instruments, some people respond to music therapy, do you play Ana?"

"No, I wish I could, I even sing badly. I like to read, I love the thought of calming Yoga and I love to cook. I find cooking and baking very relaxing."

"Well you will be popular then, now there is a tennis court and a pool, which you are free to use, there is a gym, but you have to have a medical and we have to do a full blood work up and everything that a body and mind overhaul entails. Now, though this place is relaxed, there are strict rules to govern your well being, lights out and eating healthy are the top of the list."

"Oh, okay, I expected... Well to be honest with you I don't know what I expect?"

"Who recommended me, can I ask? You never said."

"John Flynn, my husband's guy, I rang him told him what was wrong and he recommended you, no questions asked."

"He is a good friend; I will not be discussing you when we meet up. Now Ana come and see your rooms, we only have six people here, plus you that's seven, your security has asked for them to be vetted, but as I told them and I will tell you, they are entitled to their privacy, I will say that they have all been here at least eight weeks, that was the last visitor we welcomed before you."

"I am sorry, but given who my husband is there are security concerns. Samantha, my security is she okay?"

"She is staying in the staff quarter's monitoring the security feeds with my security staff there. You are not the only high profile guest we have, nor will you be the last, three of the other guests also have their security here too."

"Okay then, do I get my own room?"

"Yes, here it is. You have an hour to unpack, your bags have been checked and all the banned substances and electrics are in our lock room. You may have them back when you leave."

"Okay, I didn't think I just read a lot and listen to music."

"We have books. Now your schedule is on your dresser, there is a journal you are to fill in daily. If you need something, pull the red cord or press the buzzer, panic attacks are not unheard of in new guests, such as yourself and until we get your medication to the correct levels, you may be prone to stress attacks. Remember we are here to help you not punish you, you will be doing enough of that to yourself."

"Oh okay, so you have my medication?"

"We do, and to be honest with you, I find British medics over proscribe, we like to start low and add in if we need to give you medication at all, but for now unpack, settle in and when you here the bells come down to the front lounge. It will be time to meet your fellow house guests." She smiled and left me to it, my door had no lock, no surprise there.

I look at the piles of clothes on the bed and wonder where my bags are? Okay, I guess I can't pack and leave either. I put away my things and check out the bathroom, its tasteful and has a deep bath and a shower a toilet and a basin, there is a mirror, but it has a clear Plexi glass cover, I suppose to stop me breaking it and slitting my wrist with the glass? It is then I notice the windows are the same, the pots and things are plastic too. Okay then I guess we will be eating with plastic cutlery too. When I have finished stowing my clothes I look out at the view, it's amazing and out to sea, or the bay, that surrounds this beautiful house anyway. I am interrupted by the bell. I head down to meet the others.

"Hello Anastasia, I am Jules, I am here to introduce you to the other guests. Some won't need introducing, but introduce you I must."

"Okay, and I am Ana, just Ana."

"Okay, I am just Jules, not Julian and I so hate my name."

"Are you a doctor or a nurse?"

"Oh god no dear, I am an inmate at the madhouse. Incurable and on a permanent vacation, darling, my uncle manages my trust fund and thinks he can cure me for being a suicidal gay guy. I like it here, so who knows I may live out my days here?"

"Oh, I didn't think you were like me and..."

"...I am here because I am queer get over it."

"I have gay friends, so stop with that; gay is not a phase nor is it a fad, it's who you are. Now that said are you supposed to tell me these things?"

"Where have you been all my life kid?"

"I would say, seeing as you are at approaching forty, so not born for nearly half of it."

"Oh my god I love you, I am fifty in the fall, love you, love you, love you."

"Okay then you are double my age, what's the secret to your youthful looks?"

"If I told you that I'd have to marry you Babe."

"I already have got a ring on it. I am twenty five, just."

"Okay, stand close the others are coming, I am Jules Gordonstone the third, by the way."

"Anastasia Grey."

"Ouch, as in married to the hottie billionaire that is Christian Grey?"

"Yes, how did you..."

"...I am gay not totally without eyes Babe, I have a room reserved here, but I am in and out, like a well, like a dick in a paid escort."

"Eww's, Jules that's too graphic..."

"I was going to say Jack in a box, but I like to shock. Hello Gabby, this is Ana, Ana this is Gobby Gabby."

"Hello, ignore the only gay in the village, he's here he's queer get used to it, oh and he is a hapless old gossip. I am Gabriella Woolwich; here for an eating disorder, what you in for?"

"PPD; postpartum depression, and basic trust issues with my husband."

"Ouch the bad baby blues? Mom had that with my sister, she was off her rocker. Has he told you he's in for being gay?"

"Yes why?"

"He is a cutter; he cuts his wrist when his partners dump his butt." Oh hell, what have I got myself into, an afternoon in a real life soap opera perhaps? "He is okay in small doses, but he has issues."

"I have bitch and they are as she says, I get let down all the time."

"Hello, here comes Betty..."

"Hello Julian, shush and go and make nice with the couch seats, there's a good boy I am not in the mood for your joyous mouth this afternoon. Hello I am..."

"... Elisabeth Monks, you are an amazing actress and were in the first play my mother ever took me too, to kill a mocking bird, off Broadway."

"I have a fan, and you who are you child?"

"Child, sorry, I am Anastasia Steele-Grey, a great fan and twenty five." God I sound like a lune, okay I am one but she is amazing, and here, I need to get over myself, nope never happening yikies...

"As I said child; I have a drink problem, you get to seventy and they worry that drinking over two thirds of my life is life threatening? Go figure they are years too late to do an intervention. Still, husband number seven, his kids want me saved, or in here so they can spend their inheritance, before I spend it on whiskey and fine wine and waste the rest."

"Hello I am George Marshal, not sure why I am here, but I am?" A man comes into the room, he looks odd.

"He was in a car wreck, and his family have him in here to get him off killing a family whilst under the influence, rich parent's spoilt kid." Umm Gabby is not his friend either. Behind him is a young girl, who looks to be overweight. Hell, she is more than a little overweight; I can guess she is in here for weight issues?

"Hello I'm Carrie Anne Linden, over weigh and over eater, so put your face straight I will not take your food I have a gastric band, so don't eat."

"No she just liquidised her meals and nearly killed herself." Crap come back Christian all is forgiven, let's hope there are no circle of friendship talks this lot will kill each other.

"At least I don't think a Tic-Tac is a day's meal and that throwing up water is a diet, in case you put on a pound or too and can't dance on your tippy toes no more."

"At least my mother cares enough to help, where's yours?"

"Probably still screwing your daddy sister dearest; and your mommy hasn't been here since she locked you in here and went to screw my father, pity she doesn't know it's my mommy that has the money, and nope she hates me too so I don't care if she never comes here."

"These two are step sisters, her mommy married her daddy and both dumped their problems in here, meet the little and large sisters." Jules tells me there back story. Gabby is sitting and sulking, okay now I need to go home. It doesn't seem anything like calming. The last person down is a man, a very quiet man.

"Hello, I am John Willis, here for depression, and no I am not getting any better, because I have to listen to the mad as March hare brigade here. I welcome you to the least of the nuttier folks here."

"Umm, and the rest of his friends will come and meet you later, there's more people in his head than Snow White had dwarfs." Jules flaunts past him.

"I do you are right, where are your seven vertically challenged minions, where is Bitchy, Itchy, Leaky, Weepy, Sleepy, Sweaty and Forgetful, the seven dwarves of your Men-o-Pause Juliet?" It seems this is a set up, and my therapy is in fact a comedy based therapy. I blasted hope so, or I am going to have a bloody headache for a long time. Just then Charlotte comes in.

"Have you all done your worst? I told you play nice with the new guests, I am sorry but they do that to all the new people. They are all here for depression of some type, you all are. Now Ana, please come with me and we will get you booked in, you lot afternoon tea on the terrace, behave or lose an hour of reading time." I am walked to the treatment rooms. Okay I can do this I need quiet time. I have a feeling they are who they say they are. I sit at her desk and see my files. She looks to have been reading them.

"Modern technology is amazing we used to have to wait weeks for patient files now at the hit of the send button I have all I need here. Now as I said I think the medication you are on is way too harsh. We like to try homeopathic remedies first we recommend a holistic approach to all health problems, we add in one to one sessions actually talking about your problems and we listen, we are very much a problem shared is already halved your problem team here. Please take what the others say with a large pinch of salt."

"I will but I think some of what they said is true, yes?"

"Most of it actually, and as they have told you their problems, I can tell you all seven of you have depression as an underlying cause of your life problems. Now, I need our arm..." We went through a plethora of tests and weights and measurements, health questions and had a small talk on my problems, she had my email with everything in front of her, it was a warts and all account of why I thought I needed her help. I am underweight so cannot workout and I am having my food monitored, I am not arguing about weigh tissues, because I know I like my food and I am neither anorexic or bulimic. I like food; I just haven't had time to eat. I am a little happier about using homeopathic remedies, as they are none addictive. I want to talk, I need to talk and to someone who doesn't know me or Christian. She knows John, but will they talk to each other, I have to hope not?

"Your first session is in the morning, I am starting you on St John's Wort, in a couple of days when the other drug is out of your system, we cannot mix the two, but for now it's going to be used with yoga and something called Guided Imagery, this is also called Visualization. It is a method of communication between body and mind that utilizes perception, vision, smell, taste, touch. Guided Imagery involves mentally seeing pictures of relaxing situations, such as a sunset on the beach, a flowing mountain waterfall, or a brilliant mountain sunrise. We quacks on the alternate spectrum, we do come up with many ways to better your mind, before we resolve to use the harder drugs available, but, believe me, if I feel you need them I will prescribe them, but only after we have exhausted all the other mediums at our disposal, when did you last do a yoga session?"

"Gosh I was in college, I did the odd session with Kate at uni, but nothing to write home about, it did relax me and focus me, that much I do remember."

"Good, we will also do a course of massage therapy and reiki massage is included in that. Stones are used in a session too, we even have a Native American sweat lodge, we use once a month, that does the soul well. We are, as I said, an alternate to the traditional in patient drug treatment centres used all around the country, we believe a problem not born of drugs can be healed without drugs, we are here for the well being and care of you, using everything we can at our disposal, to help you get yourself back to being Anastasia Rose Steele-Grey. Teddy's mom and Christian's wife, Ray and Carla's daughter and daughter to the Grey family and the best editor in Seattle, did I miss anyone?"

"Umm, better friend to Kate and Jose. I really need to add in the better friend. The others seem to have been here a long time; does it take a long time to get better?"

"Time here is best spent thinking about yourself, not others, they have issues for reasons only known to themselves, that they are keeping them in and denying they have problem, but keeping things knotted so deep inside that you can't let them out, it will not help heal them and until they realise this they can ever be fully helped, I can't say cure, because you can never cure depression, you can only hope to help yourself learn to live with it, by setting yourself up with coping strategies, to help you deal with the next would be calamity to kill your coping resolve. Right Ana, it's afternoon tea time and then afterwards can you please write a letter to your future self as your project for this afternoon, tell the future Ana what you want for her, it doesn't have to be a long winded battle plan, but if you wish it can be, I am just saying when you have finished here at Calming Waters I want you to be able to open it and say I knew I could do it if I tried, don't set the wall too high, but don't set it too low either, think about what you want most out of life."

"Okay I guess I can do that. I know what I want help with, in the next few weeks, so perhaps I can start there with wanting to..."

"...Don't tell me write it all down Ana, and Ana please don't let the others drag you into their mind games, they have been here a long time because they think this is a game and it's not, it's far from a game. See you tomorrow Ana, after your afternoon tea, report to the kitchen you are on dinner duty, cook needs a hand. I told her you looked like you liked to cook and after dinner you have an hour of reading, your journal work and then sleep, sleep deprivation is what has led you to our door. See you tomorrow Ana, and Ana, well done for taking the step and asking for help, and that is the biggest hurdle in life you will ever face, asking for help." I smiled and went to join the nuttier folks of Calming Waters on the sunny terrace. It seems like we are having an Alice in wonderland tea party. I wonder who is Alice, the dancer Gemma, the actress Betty or even the girl with the weight problem; it could even be me, the woman who can't love her baby...

* * *

I am sticking to around 5000 words that takes some doing. I hope you like the nuttier fruitcakes in Ana's group home, a group home which is more like a five star resort I bet, with homeopathy as helping tool and not drugs, and did you really think John Flynn would put Ana in anything but the best knowing who her husband was and no don't worry he doesn't even tell Christian he knows where she is...?


	5. Chapter 5

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD: FEATURES IN THIS STORY IT IS A SAD FACT THAT MOST MOTHERS SUFFER, SOME IN SILENCE BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THEM: SOME ARE LUCKY AND REALISE AND THEY SEEK OUT HELP.

* * *

Chapter 5: I need help not a three ringed circus:

After dinner, which was a loud and sometimes heated affair, I left them to their debates and went to my room to block out their madness and get on with my project. I thought I was coming to a place that would help me, apparently she, the good Doctor Charlotte, is an expert in the field of depression, because apparently, depression comes in many forms, mine is just the one of many. I figured, wrongly, that it would be a place filled with women crying over how bad a mom they were. Another wrong presumption of mine, and had I been able to log on and Google the good doctor more, perhaps I would have known this, the old Ana would have done her research. This Ana didn't. I had a hot, hot shower and slumped in the corner of the stall and cried, cried about everything and nothing, I even cried because two water drops were racing down the pane of glass and got eaten by a bigger water droplet, the two free little things were now part of a fast growing drop, busy eating everything it passed and then it sploshed into the tray, meeting with the mass of water, including my tears and escaped through the plug, off to the place all sad water goes to.

I wrapped myself in my bathrobe, wrapped my hair in a towel and sat pondering what I would write to my future self. I didn't know what I wanted now, I didn't even know if there was hope for more than to stop feeling nothing for my son and stop feeling everything for Christian. Hate and love are similar, you can hate with a passion and you can love with a passion, I am hoping he proves this was her doing, hers and Welch. I guess I should stop, stop hoping for the miracle and get on with healing myself fixing myself, and perhaps be prepare to do this by myself. I picked up the pen, I drew a rose in the corner as I doodled, I wrote I want to be a good person, I want to be a free thinking person, I want to understand, I need to know why I ran, I want to fight to be myself and to be a good mother to my son... I placed it in the envelope and went to bed still wrapped in the bathrobe and towel; my hair will be a mess in the morning...

I woke as a cockerel screamed it's hello, what the hell? I looked at the bedside clock and turned and buried my head under the soft downy pillow, I will kill that damned bird, its five thirty in the bloody morning, I am not getting up. I turned and took another look at the breaking dawn and thudded my feet to the floor and sat watching as the day woke. I guess I have seen this a few thousand times before, but never before watched it as I am doing now. I sit until the whole bay is awash in the morning light, it's going to be a good day, how do I know that, when for the past few months I have never woken up and thought that? For the past three weeks I have never even watched a sunrise, I wonder too, if Grace is giving Teddy his bottle and watching this same day awake; God, did I just think of Teddy in a good way? Is that me missing him, why do I even think that's a good thing, it should be a normal wake up reaction, see to my son, feed my son and tend to his needs, and all I did was think had Grace fed him, still it's an improvement I guess? I wonder too, did Christian stay at his parents, to be with his son? I guess he did, I wonder what they all think of the woman who abandoned her child? That hurts me, thinking they will be thinking badly of me, I mean I know they don't judge people like that, especially Grace, she is everything I am not, kind caring nurturing and an excellent mother, that's shows with the shit Christian has put her through in the past. He must think the worst too; I am no longer the shy girl he married, I was never the go get 'em type of girl, but I thought at least I was kind and nurturing, at least I was once caring, once upon a time?

I get dressed and do my dratted hair; it has a mind of its own, even if the nutter under it hasn't. Why did I leave it to dry on its own, my hair on a good day is hard to manage, on a bad day it's a case of tie it up and pray, which is the case today. I go down when the bell rings, I guess that's the mass communication devise to call the flock to prayers, or breakfast, I am starving though. The breakfast is a help yourself buffet style affair, as was our evening meal. I have granola and yogurt, fresh fruit. Then what seems like the best scrambled eggs and bacon I have had in a while; it is just as Gail makes it, I look up as the bacon is placed in the warmer; unfortunately, it is not Gail, but Nate the cook from last night.

"Help yourself the others are sporadic in their eating habits. It's nice to see someone down early."

"Thank you it's nice to have it made for me again." I smile, then go and eat by the window. I eat alone. I am finishing my tea, when a woman approaches my table.

"Anastasia Grey, I am Maria, would you come this way please. I am to take you to the stables."

"Stables, I don't ride?"

"You will be cleaning them, not riding the horses."

"Okay then, mucking out it is." How strange, I pay a small fortune to be helped and I am paying for breakfast by shifting horse poop. Is this shit therapy? I finish my drink and follow the woman, who looks about forty, she is very secretarial looking, with her pearls her glasses and her tweeds.

"I am Charlotte's secretary; she will meet you here later."

"Do you not prefer the title PA, that is used today a lot?" I ask, just for something to say.

"No, I like the old fashioned approach to names and jobs; I find a spades a spade whatever else you want to call it."

"Can you call it anything other than a spade? A shovel, perhaps, but that is not a spade nor should it be called one." I do not believe I am talking shovels with a secretary.

"It has been referred to here, as a dirt displacement apparatus and a space enlarger." She looks serious yet she looks kindly too, we a re discussing spades for gods sake...

"Oh, I guess that's odd, but it does shift dirt and dig holes. I would gather I am using shovel to shovel horse dung?" She smiles. As we head in I see four ponies with their heads over their stalls and in the early morning their breaths can be seen, it's a cool morning and the air is fresh, with a warm morning ahead of me I take off my jacket and head into an empty stall.

"Do you know what to do Anastasia?"

"I guess you rake out the big do-do and put it in the wheelbarrow, rake the wood shavings and re apply the grassy stuff, if it's bad, I take it all out and start a fresh?"

"I am impressed, and yes they were taken back to basics yesterday. Charlotte will be here later, if you need anything there is a phone in the office here, dial zero." She smiled and headed back to the house.

"Okay horses, why the hell am I paying a fist full of dollars to pay for the privilege of cleaning you lot out? Well excuse me but I have poop to shift." I get down to it shifting and talking to the horses, who not one jot do they give about me, and generally I am getting sweaty in the rising heat. I am clearing the last of the half a dozen stalls when Gemma and Charlotte ride back. Great timing girls, I do the hard work and you two, you saunter in on your ponies.

"Thanks Ana, do you ride?" Charlotte dismounts as she says it. Gemma is silent and has been crying, that much I can tell.

"No, and I don't want to thank you. I don't mind petting them or shifting their poop, but as to getting on one again, no thanks."

"I gather from that you had a bad time on a horse?"

"Oh I wouldn't call it a bad time, maybe three months of torture after I was thrown from one, it got spooked and threw me, I was still attached by the stirrups and I managed to do all sorts of damage to myself, so I know my limitations and horse riding is a no go for me."

"Okay then. Gabby can you see to the horses and make sure they have water in..."

"...That's already done, and they have fresh hay and food. I am good at looking after them, just not great on the back of them. Do you need a hand grooming them Gabby?" I ask.

"No, no thank you Ana, I like my alone time with them, they listen and don't judge me." I smiled at Gabby, as Charlotte had me walk back to the house.

"Did you do any taking to the ponies Ana?"

"I did as a matter of fact, is it part of treatment, because I did notice the stalls are wired for sound and vision?"

"I find people tend to open up to animals, in a way they cannot open up to me or the others. I try everyone in the stables first, a few won't even entertain them, so to find you there was pleasing to see. Yes, it is in your files the broken leg arm and serious head injuries you suffered, I had to see if it frightened you, being with the horses."

"No, they don't frighten me as animals, but as a transportation device, hell yes, they are a no go area saddle or not. So, will you be listening to my conversations with them?"

"No, not me another doctor will, in fact she will have been listening to everything you said. The only palaces not monitored are your bathrooms and bedrooms, though they are monitored for sound, just to let you know, just in case you didn't read the paperwork?"

"Good to know. I get at least to toilet myself in private."

"There are cameras there, that can be turned on if needs be. We have had near misses in the private areas."

"Okay I guess so. Can I ask you why are there not more people like me here?"

"You can ask me anything you want Ana, but what do you mean more people like you?"

"You know, a manic baby blue lady, one who nearly killed her baby?"

"I don't specialise in baby blues, as you so wrongly put it. I specialise in depression in the whole. I help in finding coping mechanisms and identify your triggers, Ana, there is no cure for depression, once you have it, you have it for life, hell I believe everyone has it, it just hides inside you, sometimes it stays hidden well for many, many years, if you're lucky it never surfaces, perhaps those people have already found their coping mechanisms, those very lucky few anyhow. Then wham, something in life triggers a part of your brain to kick start your depression.

Some suffers seem to think they can be cured with a pill, but they are just hiding it with chemicals, some think they can cure it buying shiny new things, this is usually those in denial. Some people with it, they sail on ignoring it, other's they seek out help and then there are others ignore the help given, choosing to hide. No two cases are identical, no two people are the same, what helps one person may not help another, and I do a lot of talking a lot of arguing and even more listening. Every day I hear the same things over and over and never is my advice the same.

You were sent by John, because Ana, I have a good success rate with mothers, and fathers too, you would be surprised at just how many fathers get overlooked, their world changes too, they are sharing the woman they love and come second best to a screaming machine. Now that said, as I said I don't personally believe there is a cure for mental health issues, I believe in training you to cope, to see and to handle what life throws at you, each person is different, each person handles their own problems their way, there is no right way nor a wrong way, it's just a matter of finding how to help you find your inner calm. Often calming the outer problems is all that is needed."

"I see, I think. What you are saying is that it's an individual problem, as each person is an individual, so too is their help, yes?"

"Very much so, I know you have several self loathing issues, I have to say I saw how you interacted at the meet and greet, and the other guests overwhelmed you? You looked like you weren't as bad as them, why had John sent you here, and you, you were thinking, was it a joke, were they just messing with you, were they really actors, acting like nutters in an asylum? Why wasn't I treating your illness straight away with the seriousness that you were, right?"

"Well yes if I am honest I thought you would treat my very real issues of nearly killing Teddy, my son, very seriously, I have not been able to cope and it is no joke, they all seemed to want to blame others for their problems?"

"And you don't blame Christian, his parents, your parents, Kate and Jose for not being there for you, when you ran away and hid not them?" Wow, she did read my email, good...

"I don't know who I blame now, but then I blamed him, Christian yes I did, I know he was the reason why I ran away, it felt right at the time and as time went on I felt stupid going back and asking for help."

"Well, we have made progress already and we aren't even really talking yet, this was just a chat on the way back from the stables. Imagine what we can do when we put our heads together, and Ana for the record, the other guests all have their issues that led them here, try to listen and learn, but please never help them, it won't, you can't help them until you know their story, just listen and keep the need to say 'well if I were you' it is the thing that most people do, or try this one, 'when I feel down or angry I do this.'

Just remember what works for you won't in general, help them, but just listening to them may help both of you, you get to hear from someone who is or could be worse than you and for them, you can be someone who just listens, and believe me Ana, you will want to give your opinion, everyone does. I highly doubt they will tell you everything though, not when in the most of the cases here, they don't know themselves why they hide away the real problems. I know why in most cases, but until they want to tell me and fully open up, I cannot help you unless you do, you do not want to miss seeing Teddy smile, walk and talk without you there to witness it do you?"

"No, I want to be a good mother to my son, I want to love him, I want to be like Grace is with her children."

"That's interesting, you don't say your mother, why is that?"

"She wasn't the greatest mother of all times; she is in it for Carla. She needs a man's love and not a daughter's love; I guess I could turn out to be just like her."

"Interesting, so you want Christian to love you and not Teddy?"

"No, no I want them both to love me, but I want to be able to love them properly with no barriers, barriers I know I put up, especially around Teddy. Around Christian they are different, because I have never felt worthy of Christian, I have always felt like I didn't deserve him. Teddy, I thought would come much later in our story, when I had convinced him that a child would enhance our world, not rip it apart like he did. Teddy is a casualty of Christian's inability to accept he is capable of loving a child and he Teddy, is a casualty of me and my stupidity in running away and getting drawn into the dark space I found myself, I was blaming the wrong little man when I should have been blaming Christian, who it turns out I may have judged wrongly, you see I am already confused not knowing the truth is killing me."

"Quite, now we need to help with these and other issues later, get a hot bath and change your clothes, have something to eat, did you get any lunch? Mucking out, it is not the cleanest of activities here, but once finished, it can feel very therapeutic and cleansing."

"I liked it Charlotte, who knew free labouring and shifting horse crap would be, it was so rewarding and lunch was amazing, yes I have eaten, I went to the office to ask about lunch and there it was a picnic basket with my name on it. Thanks for listening and thanks for the talk, it was a start."

"It was just the start of the long road, a road to somewhere I hope, a road in discovering or rediscovering yourself Ana, good afternoon." She left me in the hall and went to do whatever else she does here. I presume more than ride horses at least, what time did they leave and what time did they get up, the bloody cockerel woke me at dawn. I relax in the bath and get the horse stuff from under my nails. My poor nails are ruined. I dry my hair and plait it; then put on my simple jeans and a tee shirt and take a look at my schedule. I am having an art class before dinner, okay, so I guess I can go and splosh paint on canvas. I head down and have a look around, people flit in between rooms and carry on as I watch them. I wonder where the art classes are. A man, about fifty, maybe a tad older is heading out in a mood.

"Hello, do you know where the art room is please?"

"Umm, through the quiet lounge and into the orangery there, you can't miss it unless you are blind as well as stupid?" He walked off, well stormed off really; he had a major stick up his butt and no, I am not stupid, you are though, a moron. I head in. Okay, so what am I supposed to do, who is here to teach me? I look around and grab a pencil, pad erasers and all the other pencil type things, and sit at the table nearest the window, I look around and the camera is flashing, so I am being recorded.

"Do I sit a draw, or do I wait for you to tell me what you want me to draw?" I think is this a test, are they testing my patience, do I sit and do nothing or do I take up my pencil and be impatient, crap apparently there are no right nor wrong reasons here. God, I beg to differ if my mind is being torn in two wondering what to do in a bloody art class. I sit and I decide to do a pencil drawing of the tree outside, it's easy and I do good trees, usually green and brown with shiny red apples on them, good basic apple trees with bushy green tops and brown stumpy trunks and I laugh to myself, only its quiet loud. The lady who comes in laughs at me.

"Sorry to disturb you, but you were meant to go and eat first, afternoon tea I believe?"

"Crap, I mean yeah, Charlotte did say eat, do I get some sort of punishment for that?"

"No, you only have to eat when you are hungry, it's just I was finishing with another guest so couldn't come in earlier. Hello Ana, let me introduce myself, I am Beth, your art teacher and therapist, hope fully we will express the hidden inner Van Gogh?"

"I hardly doubt my sunflowers will match his, and that's not me being a pessimist, that's me being a realist, my eye for art is quite good, appreciating it, not doing it I hasten to add. I like a good picture or photograph; they tell a story and capture it for life, sometimes."

"Sometimes, explain that to me if you can Ana?"

"Well yes, things get lost, destroyed, or you know, painted over, in favour of something prettier. Sometimes the photograph sees a flaw and re-shoots and disposes of the digital image before he even prints it, then only he has judged the image to his exacting standards, he sees a flaw where as perhaps you or I would not?"

"Interesting thoughts, we artists are that way inclined I guess, to be temperamental?"

"So, what do you want me to draw, I was going to do the tree, is that okay?"

"Yes, the others will be in after afternoon tea, as I said you were early. I will, if it is okay, finish setting up for them?"

"Yes, sorry, I jumped in when I should have waited. Should I go and have tea with the others?"

"If you want to, they were waiting for it when I left the room." I got up and went to have afternoon refreshments with the other guests. Beth smiled as I shut the door and went in search of the others...

* * *

" _So Beth what do you think of Ana?"_

" _I think she has an inert need to please, she looks for approval in everything she does. If she does it her way, she then waits for the fallout from doing it her way and automatically presumes it has been incorrectly done. I would say she is a pleaser, she is one of life's givers and doesn't take a complement easily Charlie?"_

" _My thoughts on her exactly Beth, her security have been a pain, or rather her husband has been a pain, he wants to see her already. He demanded it actually. I believe before the week is out he will be here stomping his little foot to get his own way. She loves him of that I am sure, because without him she seems to be lost. I would think he has been lost without her, reading between the lines they have a very symbiotic relationship. I have emailed him the standard questionnaire and he quiet clearly is besotted with her and their child."_

" _The baby he didn't want and the baby she can't love? Can you help her Charlie?"_

" _Yes, she is a quick heal, she needs rest and relaxation more than pills and then some intense couples therapy, she loves the baby of that I am sure, she just needs that old faithful thing we have a plenty here, time, patience and understanding. What is she drawing Beth?"_

" _That bloody tree again, I swear everyone draws either the tree or the garden, they don't realise they can draw anything, they can pick their art up and walk, most think in the box, for once I wish one of them would you know not ask me what they have to do. Right, Charlotte dear sister, what did our lug of a Brother Donovan want, or need I not bother guessing?"_

" _For us to sell our haven, no guess needed..."_

" _Oh poor boy, did the no kill him? Where is Emily?"_

" _Supervising Jules in the tank, he had a bad morning. No contact for another week with his Uncle, I think the phone call home had him riled."_

" _Agreed, but make it a month, he needs more time away from him."_

" _Agreed; no contact between them. So, the Grey's, what do you think?"_

" _Interesting, very interesting, he I think, is the stress trigger for Ana, but I also think Ana has many issues of a low self esteem, I would like to know if he is the reason for those issues. I have Mr Grey's permission to speak to John Flynn, but only on his issues as they pertain to Anastasia and her well being, he is coming to see her later in the week. They have already spoken briefly on the matter."_

" _Well time to get to work..."_

* * *

A shorter chapter, it is mainly to address how serious I do take PPD. I am not making light of the issues, as I said wait, or don't, which is the case with a couple of guest reviews for me to write the story as to not knowing who is saying what I do add in the Ana Christian or whoever's name... It's just how I write and why I warn I have Grammar issues with my dyslexia... Sorry... ADD , WATCH, FAV, FOLLOW, and then...read and review please xxx


	6. Chapter 6

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer, some in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise and they seek out help.

* * *

Chapter 6: Every road has its ups and downs:

We find Teddy sleeps better with a background noise, strange but true, at the moment he is sleeping to the dulcet tones of Ronan Keating, who is singing about life being a roller coaster, he's got that right. Mine is certainly up and down, as was my fraught conversation with Dr Ward, it ended with me apologising for just asking about my wife. Now as promised, I am filling in the rather personal questionnaire, whilst Teddy sleeps, I scan the email, okay they seem rather random, and none seems to mention Ana's illness, they seem to be more about me, she is on a fishing expedition, but if it helps Ana, I will write a novel if I have to.

1: What possession would you grab if your house were on fire?

Now, that's a leading question, is she asking me do I consider Ana my possession?

A: I would grab nothing, because things can be replaced, where as people cannot. I would check my family and my staff were safe and get out and do my best to calm down, as I would, I guess be upset.

2: Where do you see yourself, in say five years?

I hope still here, having hopefully not had a damned heart attack.

A: With my family, with Ana, with Teddy and everyone else we care about, hopefully having calmed down my working life and enjoying family life with Ana, I see Ana in my long term future, whether she is my wife or the mother of my son, I will always need Ana in my life.

3: A peanut butter and Jelly sandwich, with milk and cookies, or a smoked salmon bagel and a crisp glass of wine.

A: It would be dependent on whom I was with, on my own and left to my own devises peanut butter, jelly and milk would be great, easy and remind me of my childhood. Though never being alone and being constantly pandered to my favourite snack or lunch food, is a chicken sub, or a sub with any filling, I am easy with my food.

4: Skiing, running, football, sailing or hiking?

A: All of the above, they are exercise me and fresh air is good for clearing the mind, distressing and calming me down. All sport has this effect on me, but nothing calms me more than Ana.

5: Do you consider spending the rest of your life with your current life partner?

Oh my god, with Ana but is she thinking of leaving me?

A: I can't imagine life without my wife, I am desolate and alone, I need her. I was alone in the dark for so long without her, and have been going through hell without her for months. I can't live again if I am to be alone without her. My life began with Ana. She and Teddy are my reason for being.

6: Suit and tie, board shorts and wife beater, gym wear, leisure wear.

What the hell? What has what clothes I like got to do with Ana's illness?

A: All of the above, and worn in which ever activity I am doing at the time, I could hardly wear a suit to the beach, nor could I wear board shorts to a client meeting, I don't like vests for anything other than the gym, I lounge in loose trousers and my gym wear is dependent on what I am doing.

7: What marriage values and principles are the most important to you?

A: Remaining faithful is the top of the list, being an understanding partner is important, friendship is a must, but basically everything about marriage is important to me, I would never be unfaithful to Ana, I never have been and I never will, but I do need to learn more in the way of coping and not just walk away when something doesn't go my way. I learnt that the hard way. In sickness and in health it says a lot about this time in our marriage and I will love her those ways too.

8: Using single words or simple phrases, how would you describe yourself?

A: Idiotic, controlling, demanding, bossy, confused, lonely, lost, unhappy, tired, and frustrated and now I am happier, not happy but better than I was a week ago.

9: How would you describe your needs for affection in a relationship?

A: Needy of both love and affection, but I never needed it before Ana, back before her, I just needed to have all the power and total control, but now I crave affection, but only from Ana.

10: What is your greatest achievement, and disappointment?

A: My biggest achievement has been learning to love myself and not let my past life rule me, finally learning that my past should not define me. The biggest disappointment is easy, that I didn't learn all of that sooner; if I had, I would have stopped and talked to Ana, instead of leaving.

11: Finally, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

A: I have changed many things about myself since meeting Ana; I have learnt more about myself, accepted that I need to forget my past and I have learned to open up more. So, if I had to change one thing and more importantly, that it did not affect me meeting Ana, nor my future with Ana, I would have to say I would be never having agreed to clear rubble from someone's yard. However, had I not done that, I would I never have met the love of my life and now be staring at my son, if that were the case, not meeting Ana, then I would change nothing, apart from running that night. I am a selfish man, I am a confused man, I am weak and I am a sorry excuse for a husband, because running away and not facing her, has hurt both Ana and I and more importantly our son has suffered because I was an ass.

I read it and send it back, just as Teddy stirs in his bassinette. He is more relaxed today, he sleeps and feeds more, but when he cries he wakes the whole house and he has the three of us passing him from one to the other, he is very demanding and loud. I look down at my son, close my lap top and make a phone call...

"Hello John, have you got time to call at my mothers, I need some help."

"I wondered when you would call, so how is being a father hitting you then Christian?"

"Right between the eyes John, it is harder than closing three deals at the same time; he is time consuming, loud, very beautiful and perfect. I gather I have you to thank for Ana being ensconced with the Bronte Sisters?"

"What in Yorkshire, no, no I hadn't a clue she was there Christian. I heard about her location and her problems the same day that she, she realised she needed help."

"No you idiot, the four sisters who run Calming Waters, those four sisters?"

"Oh hell, I get it now, right yes, yes they do share the same names, Christian I thought you had me down as Ana's co conspirator for a moment." I hadn't given who helped her any thoughts actually! "I think it is the best place for her, the sisters and their brother Nathanial, are good doctors and are just what Ana needs. Though the elder brother is as evil as they come, and the only non doctor in the family." I already know this, did he really think I would have Ana stay with people who could harm her?

"So, can you call, I can't leave with Teddy, actually John, I don't want to leave him, so can you come to my mother's for lunch?"

"Lunch with Dr Grace, you bet. Do you want me to bring anything?"

"No, just your best listening ears, and I want your best advice please?"

"I will give it, whether you take it is an all new ball game. See you later Christian."

"Laters John..."

I end the call and look down, my son is awake and fist pumping the air again, grabbing my phone I capture the cuteness of his actions, I want to show moments like this to Ana, when I am allowed to see her, the good doctor has said it will be two weeks at least before we get to see her, my heart dropped hearing that and I may have got a little heated and lost the plot a little. Teddy will have changed so much in two weeks, so it must be captured for her. I have hours already, unfortunately, there is a heck of a lot of screaming on there too. I think I know why she lost it, I have help, to stop me losing it, but instead of shouting, which I have found my son hates, I walk off into the garden to calm down and come back when I have, but I have had help though, my parents are there to pick me up and dust me off and see to Teddy, poor Ana had no one. I have researched this PPD, it's both mind blowing and frightening. I have researched this place Calming Waters and it is run by four sisters and one of their two brothers.

Barney has done a full information detail on them and their establishments, their elder brother wants to sell their home, he is hoping to sell the land to a housing development company, they are sitting on a prime piece of Washington real estate, and it could make them very well off, if they want to sell it. The elder brother has no choice but to sell he is in debt, drowning in it as a matter of fact. The sisters are all doctors, and are well respected. Charlotte is married to a Barney type of guy, crossed with a Taylor type of guy, Trent Ward, a true action hero and a highly decorated soldier, he has a purple heart. He would be very handy to have on our side, Barney's new guy had to dig deep to find out about him.

Charlotte Ward, Elisabeth, Emily, Maria, Nathanial and Donavan Hail, are siblings at war with the eldest child, the brother Donavan. They make a good living, but are not cash rich, but they apart from the eldest brother, are comfortable and seemingly happy, but he is drowning in debt. They are very good at helping people and I should know I have had many people try to help me; John Flynn has been the only one I have stuck with through many door slams and heated debates. I hope he can help me to keep calm for two weeks. If not it is going to be a long fourteen days, well thirteen, but who's counting, me obviously? I have focused in the main on Ana, her disappearance and Welch, when Teddy is awake and having his bottle I pace the wall of information, trying to make something of this mess I started and Welch continued.

I carry Teddy's basket to the family room, were we find Aunty Mia and a pissed off Kate. From the look I am getting, she can't get into see Ana either. Ray has also been ringing them, I have taken responsibility for it, so it is best they hate me, because Ana doesn't need this nor them questioning her actions, not when I started this...

"Let me see him, let me see him, I have been shopping, I may have spoilt him. A little..."

"Mia, he doesn't need anything, but thank you." I place his basket in the holder and carefully get him out. Mia gasps, Kate wipes a tear and I stand proud, as my sister holds her nephew and Kate looks at him. Hard nosed she may be but she is as smitten as everyone else with him, poor Kate has been a little down on me for causing her friend to run away, hell she ran from them too.

"Christian, he is beautiful, he is your double, but with Ana's cute lips, what colour are his eyes?"

"He has Ana's blue eyes, but everything else is mine, he is perfect but loud, very loud and very hungry. Now, I have to feed him, and as he is a very fussy feeder I am sorry but I have to feed him, he only settles with me and Mom."

"Aww, that's not fair." I laugh as she cuddles him close and he cries louder than he ever has.

"He has your temper Grey, so when can you go see her, I have been told I will be informed when she can have visitors, is it the same for you?"

"I, like you don't know, it could be two weeks, it could be two months, when she is ready they will let me know, and yes I have rang the damned house a lot since she left yesterday, believe me, I am already looking at buying the damned place just so I can see her."

"Still not above buying your way in then Grey?"She mocks me and think she knows me, she doesn't know just how much I love my wife.

"For god's sake Kate, he has suffered enough, he loves his wife, don't go off on him, he knows he messed up, my brother the idiot is not made of stone Kate and Elliot told you to hush your mouth, and what do you do, go off on him."

"Mia, she has every right to be angry, now pass over the screamer or he will bust your ear drums, when he needs feeding he lets you know. Kate, I know you are angry, well join the fucking club, there's a queue forming, because there are bigger hitters coming to town too, Ray will be here tomorrow, he wants to see his grandson, Carla has problems at home and will be here in possibly a month."

"Oh hell, what did Bob do now, have a bad hair day? That woman has never put Ana first. Right, I have deadlines, and yes I know this is under wraps until Ana is out of jail..."

"It is not jail, its therapy Kate." Mia says as she hands over the now very red Theodore, he's at busting eardrum level.

"No wonder she flipped out, if that's all he does, we are so not having children, I'll get Elliot a pet, by the way he will be here after work to see the bruiser, chow and Christian, I am watching you."

"So are a lot of people Kate..." She lands a cheek kiss on Teddy, and then gives me her patented scowl and heads off to torment some other soul. I head into my mother's lounge and change him, watched by Mia and Mom. Mom already has the bottle and I see the look in Mia's face, she is sulking on the couch, so I very reluctantly hand him over, I am learning to share him, just.

"Really, can I really do this?"

"He does all the hard work, he will lets you know if you are doing it wrong, but generally he likes his milk." I place him in her open arms and then pass her his bottle. I find amazement watching him chug at the nipple and sigh as the first mouthful hits his gut. He makes some beautiful sounds, even the crying varies I have noticed, from feed me now, to the, this hurts rub my back, to hey, I've crapped my diaper. The nicest cry is the soft one where he just needs a cuddle; poor Ana is unable to know the joy in learning this of her son.

"Mom are you two okay if I head into dad's office and see what, if anything they have found out about Welch?"

"Yes Chris go find things out, we are okay here with Teddy Bear." I see they are and go and see what, if anything, they have found and finding what Welch has stored on his own computers would be a good start, but when dealing with an expert in securities and computers, it takes some doing to find someone better, but thanks to Barney I now have a half a dozen someone betters. It maybe costing me a small fortune, but I am assured these reformed black hat hackers, who it seems are now white hat hackers and in security, with Welch having always been a closeted black hat hacker, and though good, he is not as good as these guys. To have impressed Barney they must be good and he trusts them, something he hadn't done with Welch for a long time, he actually thought Taylor and he were in it together as he had passed of some information to Taylor, only for Taylor to pass it on to Welch, who then knew Barney was on to him and started covering his track better. But it seems better was not good enough to outsmart the new kids on the block, new and improved they are whiz kids 2015; he is old school circa 1980, and is as outdated as my Saga Saturn, and I still have no idea what hats of any colour have to do with hacking...?

"What have you got for me people in the know?"

"Boss, he is no longer in the USA, he is in Mexico, and would you believe is off the grid?" I was sure he would go into hiding; all I wanted were the answers to my questions.

"Sir, Mr Grey we have clawed back most of your missing monies, we want to know do you want us to freeze his assets, or perhaps hide them a little?" I look at the screen, and I see a child, a child who is peering over her glasses and her messy hair is hidden by a beanie hat, what is she like ten? "Sir, I can make him so busy looking for funding, he has no choice but to leave you alone for a while and he will leave a trail of cookie crumbs for us to follow, sir?"

"What, I guess so, but Barney is your boss, so to speak, because I have, obviously not got the knowledge to know the ins and outs of cyber space and the black holes you mad hatters live in and know so well."

"Sir, we can have him chasing his tail for months, but he will work it out eventually. Cracking his own personal firewall codes should have alerted him to the fact we have him cornered, if only in cyber space, for now. He is a creature of habit; he was easily chased because of his passion for fine wine and whiskey Boss man..." Barney, poor Barney the scapegoat for my bad moods and tempers and yet he stopped with me. God that man is getting a bonus for this.

"So, money and revenge was all he was into this for, do you think Barney?" I ask, but like me he is clueless as to Welch's reasoning and rational that he could get away with this, hell he had gotten away with it, poor Barney shrugs his shoulders. We are having a sit down with him to discuss how I can stop this happening again, after all Welch signed the NDA too and he knows where all the bodies are buried, not literally I might add, but the women and my past with Elena, one person having so much power never crossed my mind until this shit storm hit the fan.

"It would seem so, instead of just being the one to fix you, he wanted to become you. He has money sir, from the insider trading." Barney really has been the star of my security team, only I was too wrapped up in missing Ana to see it and I trusted the wrong guy.

"If we take that from him, then we are no better than he is, though I am sure some charity could do with the millions he stole, but doing that will only lead him to want revenge, so for now just track it and him, if he has money he, hopefully, won't do anything stupid to get more." I say, convinced these kids know what they are doing and could wreck him, both with robbing him financially, but they also have the skill set to make him a marked man. I need a plan, he still knows more about me than any other soul; I really did put my fragile eggs into that one damned crappy paper basket. Crap...

"I could send him a message saying something like back off and lose nothing more than something that was not yours to have, or come for us and face the wrath of the Dragon Master."

"Okay, so when did this shit turn into a children's sci-fi thing?" I ask of Barney, who is grinning like his balls are being tickled, and by the kid at the side of him and then I fucking wonder are they?

"The Dragon Master is a White Hat Master, she is the best of the best, and guess what Boss, she is on your side, her codes are the hardest to penetrate, I doubt there is anyone as good as her. He knows it, I know it and so does the world of cyber space, if you have her on side then he knows we mean business, part of this message we will be sending him, will be in her simplest of codes, a code that could take him days to crack, but he will crack it, and then as he sees it, there will be a hidden code within a code telling us where he is and what he is looking at and hiding?"

"Do it and thank this Dragon Master, please ask Welch to email me, about the reasons why he did it, why he tried to ruin me and hurt Ana and me, when all along I thought he had my back?"

"Okay Boss, oh and Boss, we bought the land needed to approach the house Ana, Mrs Grey is in. Thus shutting out their brother and putting a stop to the proposed housing plantation."

"Good, if they help Ana, they can have it gifted to them. Also, look at if the eldest brother is a threat to Ana, desperate men do stupid things, as we know from experience, and I know I have said this a lot over the past two days, but thank you Barney."

"Boss you are making me cry...!"

"Barney..."

"Boss Man, schemers and fraudsters to find, say good bye Dragon Master..." The child smiles and waves her hand; what the hell, my world is being secured by a ten year old girl in a beanie hat? Fuck me, that was unexpected, and I close down my laptop and drink in the silence. I see our wedding photo on dad's desk; I take it and look at it. She was so beautiful when she married me; this day was the best day of my life. I place it gently down, then go and fill my mother in on John's impending arrival, and on what Barney has done and found out for me.

Our son is sleeping Ana, I sit and watch as Mom and Mia discuss nursery ideas, Teddy likes a cuddle and he gets the best ones I can give, I just wave my hand and stare, as they ask is it okay for this and for that, but they are being unusually quiet, well for Mia this is unheard of. I realise it is because Teddy is nestled onto my chest, deep in the once no go area. He cuddles into me and I feel peace, a peace that leads me to take a nap too...

"Christian, Christian, wake up Christian, John is here, come on Little Man, wake up."

"Mom, how long was I out of it?"

"An hour, lunch is ready, soup and subs, will that do for you, John is happy with that?" My hand goes to my chest and still he sleeps, god my heart beats harshly in my chest. "He is safe Chris, he and you are adorable and Mia has the pictorial evidence to show you. Now can I take him and change him, he is stirring, and we don't want him cranky seeing John do we?"

"It may give him a tiny inkling into what Ana had to deal with of he does bust his ear drums Mom?"

"He knows; Teddy was rather loud when she rang him apparently. Now food..."

"Yes Mom..." We head in to the kitchen, after a quick introduction to Teddy, John and I start on lunch. Mia and Mom have eaten already.

"Now, how are you feeling Christian, really feeling?" I play with the soup in the bowl and stir it around and around.

"Confused, yes confused, that's what I am feeling. I may have been an ass to Dr Ward, earlier."

"You were, but she wouldn't expect anything less of you. You have agreed to her asking me questions about you and your past, to help in Ana's recovery when I go and see her in a couple of days, yes?"

"I did, I mean she is professional, so whatever you tell her is covered by the doctor patient thing yes?"

"Yes, yes it is Christian, but I would hope you know I wouldn't be telling her things she has no rights knowing."

"Yes, but given Welch's antic's and that I trusted him with just as much information as you have, so you can see why I am asking."

"I do, and I was shocked to hear it, but as you know your records are not stored on paper nor is there and electronic track for him to hack, I am an old fashioned journal type of a guy, using good old fashioned pen and paper, which is then locked away, in an old fashioned safe, in a safe room, installed by one Jason Taylor, to be impenetrable."

"I was a little insistent wasn't I?"

"Just a little, but then again, that is who you are. Now what did Charlotte tell you?"

"She was very good with the screaming maniac on the other end of the phone. She told me how Ana is, how she is coping and what she will be doing whilst she is there, she told me it will be at least two weeks, really, is that normal, going that long before I see her, before she see's Teddy? He will have changed so much John, hell he seems to have changed since yesterday."

"They do change; no doubt you will have Universal Studios in filming the missing days?" Mia comes in and smiles.

"No need look at this, we have Ana covered, how sweet is this? Look sorry I have a plane to catch, I have that damned wedding to go to in New York, when I really just want to stop home with you and Teddy."

"He will still be here when you get back and hopefully more settled."

"He is already settled, I through more tantrums than he does, laters Chris, Dr John, I have to be going, I have had my squish of my nephew and will see you when I get back... See you when I get back my beautiful little boy..."

"I will see you when you return beautiful sister..." I smirk as I say it.

"Oh hell, the man has a sense of humour, quick Doc mark that in his treatment book, the day Christian Trevelyan Grey had a funny turn..." She left laughing. We continue eating, Gretchen places the subs in front of us and I pick at mine, and she hovers around the table.

"Thank you Gretchen that will be all, we can manage the drinks, thanks for lunch too, it's amazing." I say, she is shocked at my kindness, as is John. She nods and gives us some privacy.

"Wow, had I not seen that I would never have believed it. Two thank you's, a joke and a praising."

"I know, sometimes lately I shock myself too. Now I had to fill in a rather odd questionnaire, to help Ana, can you explain some of them? I have printed them off for you." He looks at them and nods his head.

"They are to see if you are a materialistic person, who puts things before possessions, do you class Ana as a possession. They are just basic probing questions, which you answered rather honestly. Ana, Ana has always felt unworthy of you and you feel the same about her, she felt like she was not pretty enough, not enough in the ways you needed sex. You however didn't feel you could give her the more she craved. Both of you needed more time before you dived head first into marriage, but having said that, I believe and still believe it was what, what best for you both, however the fork in the road was your stupidity in running away. Something we both have spent a lot of time on, talking things through."

"I have ended things with Elena, though she has nothing to do with Welch, she still told me Ana was wrong for me, couldn't meet my needs was in it for money, blah, blah, blah and hearing Ana fight her own corner with her in the office, well it made me realise who was the stronger influence of the two on me."

"Ana?"

"Of course it was Ana, after I had composed myself at seeing her there, Ana, and then seeing Luke holding my baby in his carrier and my parents sort of happy faces, I realised I was right in continuing to look for her, even though her emails told me she hated me and she wanted a divorce, I always knew I needed and wanted her back, I knew she would be angry with me and she had good reason to be as mad as hell with me, but hell, I though as you know she would forgive me, that she would be easy to win round, and we would be back together. As you know I was wrong, the great Christian Grey had failed. She has never lied to me, she has told me from the off that Elena is a predator and I had to choose her or Elena, she must have thought I chose Elena, seeing her in my office yesterday morning was I think the final nail in my married life's coffin, I need her to hear that it was as I said a final business meeting, she has to know I would never chose Elena over her."

"But she saw her nemesis in your office and knowing what I do of Ms Lincoln, she would have played into Ana's well founded neuroses?"

"She hid it well if she did, she was like Elena's equal, no that was wrong, she was using all Elena's tricks her poise, her demeanour, her attitude against her and hell it was a turn on seeing Ana take her to ground, she bested Elena with everything that came out of her mouth, god I love her, her and her sassy mouth is what changed me, it's just a damned shame my brain and logic refused to admit Elena was doing anything but good things to me and for me."

"And now, do you think what Elena did was okay?"

"I knew that as soon as Ana made her case clear, I just didn't want to admit it to myself, but finally seeing my son I realised, what if it had been done to Teddy, Ana once said, what if it was your son she targeted, and I laughed it off that I would never have children, that was the first time I told Ana I was incapable of being a good father."

"I told you she was smart. Now this question here, number 11, you now admit that Elena was a mistake?"

"The biggest, but one I think I need to make to lead me to Ana, had I not thought Ana could be my next submissive, we may never have had what we have, our son..."

"I would say my work here is done, alas your work is starting all over again, this time it is Ana who will need work, and then as a couple you will need work, then the hard work will begin, getting you both on the same page, god I hate that phrase, I want you both to co parent, I want you and Ana to resolve these issues you both seem to think you have. Her feeling ugly and not worthy of your magnificence, which is a crock of shit, you are one ugly looking man Grey, my wife says so!" He and I laugh.

"She did, did she? I guess I am compared to you." I laugh. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder John, so what do I have to fix that I haven't worked hard on fixing with you, I thought I had worked through my problems?"

"That was before you learned of your son, how any security does he have, how is Welch going to pay, what will you say to Ana about nearly killing him, about running away? Your control issues how are you going to manage those now you have more to control?"

"I am fucked if I know, I just know I have to let go, be more open, as to Welch, I employed him, I put too much on his shoulders, I treated him and my staff like I was better than them and that me and the company should be their priority, because I pay their wages. I am changing; I am making the changes needed I promise you. I am thankful for what they do, I am learning that you get more if you give more, I am a trying to be a good boss."

"I know I saw, now what the hell is that screaming?"

"My son, he needs feeding and he lets the whole house know."

"So I will be going, I just needed to hear I can discuss things I know Ana will bring up, I cannot tell you what is said, unless she says it is okay, I will tell her honestly about the progress you have made and I will ask if Ana can have some photos of Teddy. Send them to me and I will try to pull some strings."

"Thank you. I may have done something to control the sisters. I dug and well I found out their eldest brother is a dick, I have bought the land he could not afford to buy. His plans to force them to sell is a pointless task. I don't now, intend using it as a bargaining chip, I was, but now I want to gift it to them if they help Ana. I know, I know, I was a dick, but my need to control sort of took over and well..."

"You told me about it, you have changed, the old Christian would have blackmailed them into letting you in. Alas, you would have met your match the sisters are as hard as nails and pretty damned savvy. I will let them know what their brother was up to, he won't have told them. Good god he has a great set of lungs and I thought my boys were screamers, wow, good luck..." I saw him out and went to see why Teddy was being loud...

"Dad, what the hell..."

"Your mom went for some more nipples and I am sort of covered in pee and his poop and I laughed at your attempt, sorry, but you made it look so easy, it's not..." I smiled and took over and has a smug moment... I am the Daddy...

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	7. Chapter 7

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

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Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise they need to seek out help.

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Chapter 7: Every horse thinks its own pack the heaviest:

'Cock a doodle doo... Cock a doodle doo...Cock a doodle doo... Cock a doodle doo...'

I swear I am going to f-ing kill that cockerel, every day for the past five days he has woke me up at stupid o'clock, there is no need to set the dratted alarm, he is my damned alarm. I wash, dress and go for breakfast early. Last night I made Enchiladas for dinner and apart from Gemma, they were a big hit with the others, it turns out she doesn't like Mexican food, I am slowly learning what the others eat and like and what they don't like and won't eat too, fussy is an understatement here, I have two jobs here stable hand and evening cook I am paying a fortune to work, go figure? I pick up my tea bag and dunk it in the mug of scolding hot water and breath in the smell of my Twinning's English Breakfast Tea, quickly colouring the water and hiking it out just as fast, it is meek and mild like me, I laugh as I stir in the milk!

Why the Brits call it a breakfast mix I do not know, because I drink it morning noon and night? I have a particular fondness for the Twinning's range, and after seeing the brand in a Yorkshire supermarket, it made me remember home, because Christian always made sure Gail stocked the cupboard at Escala with them, but seeing them when I went to do my shopping had me remembering him and then laughing at the wide range they have, and with the merest hint of a joke I snagged the Earl Grey and the Lady Grey to show him, when I saw him again, I must have thought I would see him again and share the joke with him, I must have been having a good day? I still had them in my luggage when I arrived here, so, I guess that's how they know what I drink?

"Good morning Nate, I am doing a chicken pot pie for dinner and using that old chicken alarm clock as a filler." Nate is bringing in the breakfast, he helps the cook but doesn't say a lot, I don't know what he does here or if he is a sort of guest here, I tend to keep myself to myself, as do the others. I thought when I got here that the first night was the norm, but it is far from normal here, it is over relaxed, if there is such a thing, not quite a hippy commune, but not far short either.

"You have to catch him first, many have tried and all have failed. He has free reign of the place. Old Malcontent was here when my sisters bought the place. We don't even know where he comes from, but the girls decided to get a chicken pen for fresh eggs and he thinks he's king of the place." He is related to the sisters, well blow-me-down with a feather, he is not a resident nutter then?

"Okay, but if I catch him, he's going in a rough puff with a selection of fresh veggies."

"Then I hope you don't catch him Ana. He is kind of a member of staff here; he wakes me and my sisters up."

"And your guests..."

"Those too, now what can I get you today?"

"It's fine; I have my yogurt and fruit. I don't feel the need for more today. I have to do a full clear out of the stables today. I may even try to ride Pasha today; her and I have bonded over apples carrots and brush downs."

"Don't forget John will be here before afternoon tea."

"I hadn't forgotten, thanks Nate. Is Gemma already out riding with Charlotte?"

"No, no she is unwell today and is in her room; Charlotte sat up with her all night." I looked at my bowl and ate my food, I may have not been here long, but I know not to ask what her problem is, it has got nothing to do with me, and if it had, I would be told. I smile as Nate clears my dish and gives me a bag of food for the horses. I may be back into liking the sons and daughters of Satan, as part of my therapy I seem to have spent a lot of time with them.

I head over and take in the magnificent views. This for me is the best part of being here, the walk to and from the stables, on my own and looking at the bay. I get to the stables and set to clearing out the first stall, I take out Muffin, the stallion with the girly name, whom I tease about having the same said name and tie him to the hitching ring. Then give him a rub down and an apple, he is grumpy and is not a morning horse. He reminds me of my husband, the top horse in the stables and he knows it. I clear out his stall and add in the ton of soft fresh smelling woody sawdust and a layer of straw; gosh, they should bottle this smell it's beautiful, not so once, they have crapped on it. He has fresh water, food and I lead him back in. He pushes me with his head, because he wants his carrot.

"You Mr Grey, in horse form, need to learn your manners, before someone gets no treats. Here you are now shush and be good." He takes the offered carrot and I rub his muzzle. "You can be a proper pain, but such a good boy. When you are good you are very good, and when you are bad you are wicked." I laugh and start on Peppermint Patty, she is a quiet thing and I have no problems with her today. Nor with Bedazzle, Hudson Hawk or Poppet. I get to my favourite Pasha, well before lunch and take a breather in her stall. She is having a foal soon and gets some extra loving. We have talked all morning, as she watches my every move with the other five horses over their stable doors. She is a beautiful mottled white and gray mare and is easily the gentlest soul in the stable. I love her and want her for my own. I may ask Charlotte if she can come home with me, because I love her that much.

"So how is Mommy Horsey today then?" She pushes my pocket. "You want your apple do you? Here have this one." I place an apple in my palm and her soft lips take it so gently. "You are such a good girl. How is the baby today? My baby is a month old tomorrow, and I wonder what he and his daddy are doing today? I wonder does he miss me, even though I was a horrid mother to him. Promise me, you will be good Mommy to Baby Cupcake; do you horses even get PPD? Neigh you don't..." I laugh as I make a joke. "No, I bet you don't, here have a carrot Miss Pasha. Now, let's get your mess moved and then I need to eat lunch, I have to see a man about my problems today. He see's to Christian's problems, you remember him, I told you about him on the second day I cleaned your stall and you had a fit because I forgot your apples? Well John, his doctor type man, he is coming to tell my doctor why we are both a mess of epic proportions, that should be a good talk and listen session. Christian with his trust and touch issues and me with my not good enough thing I have going on." I wash her down, brush her and generally make a complete fuss of her.

"I love the calming effect you lot have on me, Pasha, you just, I don't know make me feel better. You are only a horse, but you seem to listen to me. Do you hear that good doctors, the horse listens to me and understands me?" It seems all I have done is eat, sleep, see the horses draw apple trees, my speciality, and generally have a rest. I have yet to talk to anyone and I did wonder why not, as the others are in and out off rooms all the time? I have been in the tank, I didn't like it much, I got the feeling of being in my mother's womb and floating in salty water is not that enjoyable, so I said no to more. Tomorrow is my first try in the sweat lodge,

I finish her off and put her back, just as the vet comes to do her checks. I smile and head to the house for lunch. I shower and change and throw my mucky stuff down the laundry chute and head down, I had no time for a ride today, well that's what I tell myself every day, I still haven't faced my fears about falling off a horse yet, but I will, given time...

" _So Emily; how was today's session for Ana in the stables? Has she opened up anymore?"_

" _Maria, good afternoon, she has, she talks to those horses more than she does the other guests; she compares Muffin to her husband all the time, there is such a gentleness with him as she brushes him and chastises him, she is very nurturing of his needs, as she is with them all. It's as if she is at one with them almost, like they can't hurt her like people can and do. Charlotte was right to pick the horses as her therapy; she is not a great talker to people and the one session she had with Beth was very silent, she isn't I think aware that we are doctors, she thinks we are teachers and guides, is Charlotte right in letting her think that way Maria?"_

" _Charlie as her own way and if she spoke to the others she would know even the cooks assistant is a doctor, Bother Nate is a little enamoured with Mrs Grey, though he will blush if you ask him... Charlie has method in her madness. Ana is doing better in days, than the others who have been her months, last night was a near disaster though, but poor Ana wasn't to know Gemma can no longer dance because it was a poor Mexican worker at her father's winery that ran her over and ruined her 'wonderful career in ballet.' Fancy hating those Enchiladas because of that, that girl needs a reality check Emily, do you not think we are enabling her?"_

" _Now, now caring and neutering isn't in everyone's genes Maria dear, she has been spoilt all her life and doesn't know any better, you know this..."_

" _Emily, have you seen the videos, she may look the part of ballet dancer, but that was it, her step sister has more technique than she has, honestly why do parents enable their children to think they can be whatever they want, when they quite clearly they cannot? A little straight talking never hurt anyone, not in my book anyway."_

" _Maria, there is straight talking and downright mean, that was way down nasty and mean."_

" _I call it as I see it. If her father had told her she was crap at dancing and the overpaid teachers told her that too, she may be a different girl instead of the crippled wanna be dancer, with as much talent, as I have tact Emily."_

" _How did you get your doctorate again Maria?"_

" _Hey mines as good as the rest of yours, I think my area is the most up and coming thanks to a certain member of the Kardashians coming out, now hush and do the report for Charlie. I need to go and see to Jules, he is having a bad day too."_

" _All hail the specialist in transgender issues!"_

" _I will have you know, I am the best ever Gender_ _Therapist this is out here. Being as I have on the tee-shirt and wear it with pride, and being such a person, I am the best help there is_ _for_ _the transgendered_ _, cross dressing and all the_ _transsexual_ _persons of the world. Therapy is the first step in our treatment that and a hell of a lot of parental and sibling understanding, which thankfully I got, I am and should be the first contact for all the_ _transitioning people out there_ _, I should know, I am at one with myself, I healed myself with the help of others and my family and learnt to love me and my mixed up brain and body, now hush up and write the report."_

" _Sorry Maria, it was just a little horse play, I know your road was a hard road to travel, you had help, these people have just had enablers. Now off to do your admin, oh and Beth needs more art supplies the list is on your desk."_

" _Ha, I may like this secretary look, but I am not your or my other sibling's secretary, oh and Donavan wants a meeting tomorrow, I guess it's about selling up again?"_

" _As it is every time he comes, we should section it off into fifths and give him his fifth, the old wooded area at the back perhaps, with the old sink pits?"_

" _We can't separate the land, you know that, but he is fighting a losing battle, we love our homeland, he just want to profit from it, perhaps if Daddy had told him he could be a surgeon we wouldn't be having this problem, but no he didn't enable his eldest son enough, apparently?"_

" _If he checked himself in for a month or two we could help him heal his nasty broken heart."_

" _Ha, too late even I know none of us can help him, he is beyond saving. Now the report and the feed, get it to Charlotte, she is meeting with the good doctor Flynn later. Your old crush, Emily..."_

" _Ha, ha, ha in my dreams he is, no that man loves his little wife too much to stray. I have an meditation class after afternoon tea so I need to get this report typed up see you later, don't drown Jules..."_

I fall asleep in the bath tub and I dream about better times; times spent soaring with my boyfriend, fun times sailing with my fifty, about marrying my husband, our honeymoon, our life together, the hurdles we had already surpassed and I cry, why did we end up like this? I need help. I need to talk to someone and not just bloody horses. I wake as the water cools. Why oh why am I so down? The herbal stuff isn't working; them and their not talking to me thing, well that isn't working either. I dress and do my hair, sitting in front of my plastic mirror I laugh. Damn it they need to rethink plastic mirrors, I look like shit... I laugh... Perhaps it's because I do, yep, I look like shit?

I head for lunch and see the others, they are all in their own world and I am in mine. Life, I have found here is very eclectic, but as I was warned I do not pass judgment I just listen, I listen and I learn. What will I learn from John today? Will Christian have sorted the mess with Elena, is she still around, has she seen Teddy? Teddy, my baby best have been kept well away from her and the others. I stab the melon with my fork and mutter my disapproval of his prior life. It is easy to judge Anastasia when you have never had to put up with the things Christian did.

"Go away, I had things to put up with too, but I didn't beat brown haired girls, nor I didn't allow an old paedophile to use me."

"No Anastasia, you fooled yourself into thinking that you had healed him. What is so special about you?"

"He said I was special. He told me I was enough. He said he loved me. He didn't care I was inexperienced, he preferred me that way, simple Anastasia, with her simple needs and simple background, I was easier than the others to handle..."

"So, you don't think he did, love you I mean?"

"No, yes, no, I don't know, he liked to control me and having Teddy, I took the control from him."

"You did, then why did you not just sit and talk, why run?"

"Because I am weak..." I am going to cry again damn it.

"Hi Ana, can I sit with you?" I look up and around, am I going crazy, who was I talking to?

"You were having a rant, I do that talk to myself, then the others join in and it's a three ringed circus." I look up and see John, the guy with I guess, the multiply personality disorders, that guy.

"Yes, help yourself. I have a session in a short while, but please sit."

"Thanks I will, who were you talking to Anastasia?"

"Myself I think, and the inner me? I wasn't aware I was, not until you interrupted myself bashing session."

"I have them all the time. On meds I am fine, off them and I'm off my rocker, but they are making me ill, so my doctor recommended that we have to stay here for a while, so far it's working."

"Good, I will keep my fingers crossed. I have been talking to the horses; I think that's my therapy?"

"No, that's the good doctors spying on you. I can't stand horses so that's a no go area for me."

"I did wonder if that's what they were up to, but I like the fresh air and the bonding with the horses."

"So, I'm gonna be brutal here, how come you can bond with the horses from hell, but not your baby?"

"Ouch, you are not meant to ask me questions."

"Who said, talking is talking, whether I have a few good PhD's or not. Sometimes Ana wearing the shirt and walking the proverbial mile in the shoes thing, is good enough for the not too nutty of you fruit loops."

"Ouch again, so you had a baby and tried to kill him did you?"

"Nope, but I tried to kill my mother and sister."

"Why? Or can I not ask you that?"

"You may ask, but the answer will be a simple one, the voices in my head told me to do it. Thankfully one of my other personas, he phoned the cops when John was taken over by Jim, and well that resulted in our first time inside."

"Okay and when was that?"

"Many moons ago dear Anastasia; many, many moons ago; I was diagnosed when I was ten, and since then I, we, we have been in and out of these places. Occasionally, they let John out and allowed him to be himself, myself; unfortunately being myself meant not taking the meds."

"I can see the problem. On them you are not you?" Though the third person thing, that is making my head throb a little and is probably why there is a no talking thing in place, crap...

"I am me very rarely unless medicated to the hilt, but then the others get locked away, and I think that's unfair, well to me they are part of me. Actually each one is kind of cool, that person, when I am off my meds is different and totally not like me at all."

"How many sides of you are there?"

"Nine, at last count and all of them are varying in age and sex."

"Okay then, I am not an expert, but how does that work?" I remember I am supposed to listen not ask and make judgment, fuck will this delay my progress here? "I mean do you; when you are with the woman in you do you, you know, want to wear a dress?"

"Oh hell, nobody has asked me that before, does Sandy want to wear a dress when she takes over from John. I don't know she has never put one on, at least not that anyone has noticed or said I do, put on a dress I mean, who knows I may do? Wow, I will ask Charlotte about that. Speaking of Charlotte, she's heading this way."

"I enjoyed our unusual chat. I thank you for not judging me for talking to myself."

"I have it on good authority sometimes our inner us has the meaning of life down pat."

"Who told you that?"

"Take your pick all nine of mine think they have all of the answers to life's problems Ana. Keep on talking to the horses, they want very little, other than to be looked after made a fuss of, like many of us, they need someone else to do the things we cannot do ourselves, and Anastasia, don't worry you are fixable, had you really wanted to kill your son, you would have. There's hope for you Anastasia. You stopped and asked for help. Step one was the hardest, the rest is a cake walk or a walk in the park, but wear your own shoes getting there, not mine..."

"I will, besides I like my Chucks..." I smile and take my plate to the wash station. Charlotte is besides me.

"Talking or listening Ana?"

"Both I think, he is okay as John, I like him."

"Pity, because you were talking to Rufus, the physiology major..."

"What..."

"Umm, he is very good too. Now, your John is here..." I am floored and the 'me, we, myself and our self made sense, just how many times did he jump into another person whilst I ate my melon, my sandwich and the soup? I walk with Charlotte.

"I am sorry you have been left to your own devises, seemingly to your own devises, but it was my belief you needed to be rested, the medication you were prescribed out of your system and the herbal remedies and teas needed to kick in. The fresh air helps, do you feel any better?"

"I feel different, more able to think clearer. I am confused as to why I was like I was with Teddy, I always thought I would be a great mom, as long as I did things better than Carla, then I was already going to be a better mom."

"You have issues with your mother Ana, unresolved abandonment issues with her. You need to get to the route of those, as John said, or Rufus, you didn't kill Teddy you stopped before you did, so somewhere in your sleep depraved mind you knew what you were doing, you stopped and asked for help. Now, John will be here in a while, we need to talk first."

"Okay, is this a right and wrong thing Charlotte?"

"What do you mean right and wrong?"

"I don't know you telling me what I did was wrong and the right way to go about it?"

"No, that's not how I work. There is no right or wrong, well there is because you know the right way to put on your dress in the morning, unless you have a problem with knowing right from wrong that is?"

"As in what, what do you mean? Is that a double meaning thing and you are testing me?"

"I don't know the list of why you could put on a dress the wrong way has endless possibilities. I will start and you tell me of another way, please sit." Okay when did we get in her room? I sit in the chair and stare at the couch.

"Is here good, or do I have to lie down?"

"Do you want to lie on the couch, if so do so?" Crap, is that a trick question? "Ana, either sit or lie down, the choice is yours." She smiles, god why am I making this harder than it needs to be, and so I choose to sit. "Good, now the first reason; you were tired when you got up."

"It was dark when you dressed?" I counter.

"It has the same pattern on the front and the back?"

"You were hung over and didn't care?" Kate's done that a few times...

"It had stain on the front." I laugh, because yes, I've done that more than once...

"It... God I can't think, perhaps you just wanted to put it on the wrong way and make a statement, be bold be free be yourself for once?" I say unable to think of another reason.

"Good Ana, good it is good to think outside of the box and ignore the way of the many to be yourself. Now, would you wear a dress differently, just to make a point?"

"No, I like things normal and as they are supposed to be I guess, plain and boring slow and steady normal."

"Who makes the rules about what is and isn't normal? What is right for you isn't perhaps right for me. I had a friend in university, she wore her cardigans back to front, she always did and still does, years later people pay a fortune to wear a designer cardigan, that would you believe, you wear the wrong way around and you fasten the expensive buttons down the back, who knew my friend was a trendsetter?"

"So, am I a trend setter or am I wrong and wanting to kill your child is an okay trend now?"

"Do you want to kill him now?"

"God no..."

"Why not, Ana why did you want to kill him way back then, and all of a week ago and now you look at me in disgust when ask you about it?"

"I don't know; I think it is because I have had time to think."

"Time to breathe, time to be you, time away from reality, you mean Ana?"

"I guess I needed time to myself, yes, it has helped not being woken at all hours with his screaming. Now I wake wondering what he is doing?"

"Is that Teddy or Christian?"

"Both, but my first thoughts are of what Teddy has done, has he slept, is he drinking his safe milk, is Grace looking after him or has Christian stepped up to being his father?"

"There has been no news reports on the CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings been taken into custody on killing his son."

"Good, I guess that's okay then?" I say sarcastically, super Christian and murderous Ana, he wins again.

"Do you know what Ana I need a drink, how about we take a stroll to the breakfast room and talk there?"

"Why are there more camera's in there?" I snap.

"They are everywhere, but no Ana, you are getting tense, and I fear it is my room that is making you this way?"

"No, no I am just wondering what John has to tell me about Teddy and Christian? Can he tell me about them? Are they bonding, does Christian love our son, does he hate me, is he better at being a parent than I am?"

"Well, is that an issue, whose the better parent, perhaps Ana he is getting help and isn't doing it alone, it's not a game of one-up-man-ship Ana, please don't make it one? Anyway will find out soon enough, he's here. There are no boundaries which are off topic; however, should I see you getting upset I will ask John to leave, okay Ana?"

"Yes, yes okay and can we say here it's quite a beautiful room, this is how I want my office at home, in our new home facing Puget Sound."

"Your new home, whose, yours and Christians or your own home?" I smile.

"Yes mine, Christian's and Teddy's." Wow, was that a breakthrough? John, I presume, knocks and Charlotte has him enter. His smile is the same, he is the same and I get up and hug him. He hugs me back and I feel at ease instantly.

"Nice to see you again Ana, how are you feeling?"

"Better, better than I deserve to be, but getting there. How, how, how are you and your family the boys and Rhian?"

"Ana, they are fine and Rhian sends her love and has given me a few books for you to read, a couple of classics. Emily has said they are okay and contain no secret letters or messages. Now, how are you?" I see Charlotte smiles.

"Better than I deserve to be. I guess I needed some me time."

"Please sit John, we are taking tea, do you want a cup, or are you still a coffee man?"

"Coffee please black and strong." We sit back down and I am watched by the pair of them, gosh this is awkward...

"Ana, relax. This is just a get to know you session. John, Ana and I have not yet spoken in any great detail; I have let her rest and repair a little."

"I needed it Charlotte, thank you. John, how is Teddy?"

"Loud; very loud, and very beautiful, he is doing well Ana, really well."

"He is? I mean he is, then that's a good thing, isn't it? Is he still having problems with his milk?"

"No, no when I left he was drinking his milk; his grandmother was caring for him when I left."

"Not Christian?"

"Yes he was there, he and I had a session and his mother took over, apparently Grace says they are doing well and Christian seems happy to have him in his life."

"Well, at least one of us is good at it."

"Ana, this isn't a matter of who is the better parent, I told you this before John arrived." Charlotte chastised me.

"I know but I feel like such a failure. He has always been better at dealing with things, you know this John?"

"He throws money at a problem Ana; well he did, until you made him rethink things. He is much changed Ana, that's down to you the change in him."

"Really, he never wanted to be a father and I ruined it, his plan for more him and me time, and I ruined it by adding in Teddy."

"Last I heard it takes two to make a baby Ana. He understood what happened, we talked and talked for a week solidly, about him getting it right with his son, his being able to do the dad thing; that was when he sobered up, he was a mess and I have seen him at some bad laces in his struggle to find himself."

"Taylor said he was drunk and I didn't believe him."

"John I would prefer you talk about Ana, and how we can help Ana."

"You see that was my mistake, thinking that they needed to cure each other, when I am sorry, I got that wrong, because these two, they need each other to do that. Both have insecurities from their childhood, both have issues with how they look and how they are perceived to look. Ana thinks she isn't good enough, which she is, and given her loving soul her understanding spirit, she is more than enough, but she somehow thinks she is unworthy of the love god that is Christian Grey and he, he is as bad, he doesn't see it, the effect he has on women, he has got very good at keeping them at bay. Then in walks a straight talking woman, who is she thinks, unworthy of him, which in itself is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, you did more to help Christian understand himself and his past than I did in years. He needed you and you needed him, but the issues he had with his past he wouldn't and couldn't understand. It hit home after you left, what you meant, he would run back to her and to you he had, he had ran back."

"He did, I heard him."

"You heard what Welch wanted you to hear. Nothing went on, we have the tapes."

"John, we need to help Ana, not your patient."

"My patient, as you so rightly put it, has put himself through so many rings of fire and brimstone; that there is very little left of the old Christian Grey. He had weeks of being drunk, weeks of self flagellating himself, for not being stronger, wiser or understanding. He was suicidal when he thought you had got rid of his son, your child, and all at his behest. He hit out with those horrid words first and thought about it later, unfortunately, in her company, that said she then tried to led him on a downward the rabbit hole again, she failed and he saw her for what she was a manipulating old paedophile. Now, Anastasia, what did you do?"

"I ran, I ran away and hid out, I just wanted to get away from everything."

"Did it help Ana?"

"No, no it didn't, but I loved him so much, I needed him to love me and need me like I did him, I wanted him to know he would be a good father and learn from Carrick and Grace how to be a good father to our child, he was just afraid, I knew that, but when he never came for me I figured she had him back in her web."

"She is still hoping for him to enter it Ana. Teddy has stopped that from ever happening. He finally sees what you have been telling him all along, imagine if it was his son she molested, and he finally sees it through your eyes."

"He does?"

"Oh, he does, he really does. Teddy is his world, he just wants you back in it to make him complete. Though he wants you out of here today, he realises you need time to heal yourself, but he wants you back Ana, whether it is as his wife or as his son's mother, he wants you anyway he can get you Ana. He said I am to tell you, do you remember when he said that it is the submissive that holds the power?"

"I do, that was when he asked me to be his submissive and I was afraid. What does he mean, asking you to remind me of that?"

"Well, he says to tell you, it's you who has always been the dominant in all this, it is you with all the power of a submissive and the dominant combined, and you just need to believe it of yourself."

"What? No, no I want no part in that world again."

"No Ana, it was meant as a metaphorical thing, you know he has always said, that the one with the power was his submissive, he wants you to realise it is you with the power, he wants you to know it is you who are that force behind him, he wants you to realise just what it is you do for him. Without you he is nothing, without you he wants nothing, and as corny as this sounds coming from the CEO Bigshot that is Christian Grey... Without you he is without a purpose, you gave his life all those things Ana, you gave him and it a purpose and meaning. You, you have always held the power, but you and he both, were made pawns in someone else's struggle for that power, you two, you both just got lost in the games that others were playing, whether it was Elena, Carla, Welch or the other brown haired girls!"

"So the Welch and Elena thing is true?"

"He is still searching for answers but yes, he knows Welch has meddled with paperwork and texts and emails. Elena is history, but she is still fighting it. I have never and I repeat I have never seen Christian so adamant that she is never setting eyes on your son or being part of his life your lives again."

"Oh, he has seen the light again, how many time is he going to help her out business is not business with her it's all about getting him back and away from me?"

"He has seen her for what she is, now Ana, it is time for you to see that same light. You need to deal with your issues and you have them. I told you once when you asked, 'am I enough for him?' I meant what I said, that you were. What I should have said and talked about, were your own self worth issues. It should have said a lot more to me than I first realised, since having spoken to Christian and your father and mother at length, I feel yourself loathing issues with your mother and your needing to find approval in everything you do from others, has always been the problem Ana.

You need to believe you are worthy, before you can feel worthy. Ana, you need to be the kick ass woman I know is hiding in there, she's there, find her Ana, you have never been a submissive don't start being one now. You are the strong opinionated woman, who turned Christian Grey the dominant sadomasochist, into a loving husband, father, son and brother. Those dark days of being an uncaring unfeeling bastard are behind him Ana, now that he knows you and his son are safe, he just needs you to get the light back into your dark world, the light he fears he robbed you of.

These Ana are some photos Mia, Christian and Grace have taken in the past week, Charlotte here says you can have them, don't read into them more than there is. He has a lot of bloody help to look that good, as he always has had. There is a team behind Mr Grey's smile and the head of the team is you Ana, you are the head of team Grey, you just need to realise it." He hands me the folder of photographs and as I open it, I see the first picture of my son, he is happy, he is healthy, and he is my baby boy, he and Christian look happy, they both look beautiful and I cry again...

"Right that's enough for today, Ana take your photo's to your room. I need a word with John."

"Okay, tell him I need to get well, but I believe him, I believe he has changed and I want to be strong enough to cope with our madness. I need to love me before I can love him and Teddy the way they need to be loved, but I think I see the light." I give him a hug and go to my room; it seems I have a lot to think about...

" _What do you think Charlotte?"_

" _She just needed sleep and rest and the world to stop for a while, he can visit with their child this time next week. She has done the hard part, she has been left to her own devices for a week and the pressure was taken off her. Doing nothing in Ana's case worked better than all the other therapies. She thinks most of them are bullshit anyway."_

" _She calls me the overpriced charlatan..."_

" _You are that John Flynn, you are that..." I hand her an envelope. "What's this?"_

" _My client; he bought the land that approaches yours, your brother is in trouble, don't ask how Grey finds these things out, but he does. That will stop all the planning to build on the land. Plans your brother sold to a very large property development."_

" _He did what?"_

" _Who Grey, or Brother Donovan, they are both hot heads, who want their own way?"_

" _Donovan, he sold our land?"_

" _No, it's all in there, that is a thank you should you have helped his wife, and I can see you have, so there are the deeds to the approach land needed for any building vehicles to pass on to your land, you never owned the approach road did you, and he was not above blackmailing you to get to see her? He really loves her Charlie, they need each other, she is his clam and he is her clam shell."_

" _Poetical and very New England Johnny boy; thank him for this, it was unnecessary, but tell him we will knock it off the bill." I leave a happier man, Ana is healing herself, thank god for that, he would have been a nightmare Rhian has already threatened to have a hit put out on him..._

* * *

Well, I know there's more to come from Calming Waters, and more to come from Welch. Then there's the visit of Christian Grey to Calming Waters... Thanks for reading reviewing, fav & following, leave a review, it is nice if you do xxx


	8. Chapter 8

What if Christian didn't come back to Escala after Ana told him she was pregnant, what if he left her alone when she needed him the most? What if he took more from Elena than her advice, what if he realised she was right and Ana was not enough?

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise they need to seek out help.

* * *

Chapter 8: Hell No Paedo:

John has given me the best news ever, in one week Teddy and I can go and see Ana, who is getting the help she needs. She is, with the help of the Bronte sisters making headway into her problems. I am in seventh heaven, my Ana is getting better and knows there was no truth in what she heard, thank god for small miracles. I pick up Teddy and we go and sit by the soothing waters of the sound.

"One day Baby Boy, Daddy will take you and Mommy sailing, and take you away from the madness of Daddies mad, bad world. Mommy is missing you." I hug him with tears in my eyes; my Ana is missing me and Teddy, John said she was. "Daddy really messed up Teddy, he is a stupid man. Yes he is, very stupid and not as wise as your mommy. Have you shit again?"

"Christian, it's pooped." I turn, after hearing the dreaded voice of my father in law.

"Hello Ray, take a pew, your grandson has pooped his diaper again. Can you pass me the diaper bag and then you can have a cuddle; how are you, how is the heart?"

"I am fine, now I know that she is safe. Taylor filled me in and I cannot believe she ran because of that man Welch's doing. You didn't help matters, but that's in the past. I will still be having words with my daughter."

"Go easy on her; I didn't take the news of this one very well."

"I knew Annie would not have just sent me postcards had she been okay in the head, and those chats we had were no help. Once a week all I got was a hello, I am fine and doing well. Do you know I nearly feigned a heart attack one time, but she put the damned phone down and called an ambulance? She then rang back an hour later and cussed me out; when she found out, I was faking it! I have a smart daughter, too smart sometimes."

"She knew me, better than I knew myself. It took her leaving for me to realise just how much I needed her. This one; this one here is perfect, he is my perfect little boy. Ana gave me a son, once she is back we will be a family, and I will never let her leave me again."

"Umm, I think son, that was part of the problem, you over coddled her, you need to let her breathe, she is an independent girl, she always was and always will be. You and she travel in different worlds, Annie is a simple girl with simple needs, and you and yours can't throw money at Annie and her problems son, she needs time and herself worth back. She is usually a thinker, a talker and a solver of problems. Don't try to take that out of Annie, she ran when your world imploded on her, that Elena Lincoln had a lot to do with this, you and her were lovers and from what Kate told me and she played you like a fiddle. Now, that said Annie knew about this woman, so she forgave what you did."

"She was my past Ray. Ana, she, she I can't explain, hell, I couldn't understand Ana's reasoning as to why she thought Elena was a threat to us, but I would never choose Elena over Ana ever. I has millions of dollars invested in the salons, and I own the properties her salons are in. I was in the process of giving them her. I had already stepped down from the everyday running of the salons. I had stopped the weekly meetings and let Elena run the damned salons her way, I had not seen Elena for six months, that last meeting was to wind up Esclava Salons as they are in debt to the tune of five million dollars and she owes money, that was her only reason for needing me money, cold hard cash. My lack of backing and the lack of my mother's patronage, has hit her hard."

"So, she isn't blackmailing you then?"

"No, no she has more to lose believe me. I knew deep down Ana was right and that she was a vile child abuser, but not until I held Teddy here and that need to protect kicked in, did I realise what Ana meant, and what I would do to protect him from people like her. Ana was right I was wrong. She knew me, when I didn't know myself. Now, let's get indoors, here's Teddy Grandpa Ray, with a clean butt and a hungry belly."

"I hear from your mom he needs special milk and that was what was wrong with him?"

"Soya, yes, he has an allergy to dairy products. He is fine but cover your ears when he wants his bottle, he can bust his gut getting you to run and get him his bottle."

"I believe so, here hand him over, I want to see him." I hand Teddy over, then put all the crap in a sack and we head in. Ray, he sits in what we laughingly now call the quiet room; Teddy has taken over what was my mother's cosy sitting room. There it all manner of teddy bears and associated baby crap, and yes he has a lot, Mia spoils him, Kate and Elliot do too, well I may have ordered everything that he needed on line and had it delivered both here and to the house on the Sound also.

Elliot's crew have finished the house and Gia is in with god knows how many teams getting it finished. I want it perfect for her and Teddy, of course, he will be back with her and living there together, if I am lucky I will be there too. Though I won't be pleased if I have to stop at Escala, Gail and Taylor will move there with them, so that Gail can help with Teddy and Taylor can head up his security, because I am selling Escala. It is the place where I played my deprived games with the brown haired girls. I'd ripped out the red room, when I learnt of Ana wanting a divorce, after aborting my baby as I had told her to. I had a smashing time with a sledge hammer, I snapped things broke things and generally made a mess of the place. Gail had to fix my hands and sooth my temper. Had I not seen the feed I would not have known it was me who had done the damage. Good whiskey makes for a good amnesiac.

"He is a greedy boy, does he want more?" Ray shows me the empty bottle, good he is taking more each time.

"Ray, rub his back, and you don't have to be gentle, he needs a good strong back rub for a good gust of wind, or he has a fit and that will bust your ears."

"Like this, he is so tiny, will I hurt him?" He gently rubs tiny circles on his back, with his giant calloused, work hardened hands and yes he looks so cute and so far out of his comfort zone.

"No, he is tougher than he looks, like his mom." He rubs and pats and then wow the burp he lets out frightens the crap out of poor Teddy. "That's a good boy. Now, you get to cuddle and play for a while with Grandpa, he sleeps a lot, he pretty much has it easy, he feeds, sleeps and craps, sorry poops." My cell phone goes and the number is withheld. I smile show Ray my phone and he waves me off, just as Mom enters the lounge. I go to my dad's office and buzz Barney, this is my personnel cell and nobody has this number who isn't logged on my caller ID. Taylor is at my side and nods, good the trace is on...

"Hello, Christian Grey..."

"I know who you are. I have known you long enough."

"Welch, is that you?"

"Quit stalling for time, by the time you trace the call back here to Heroica Veracruz, here in god old Mexico, I will be else where you moron, unless you have a man in every town and city south of the boarder in Mexico?"

"Okay I won't lie; yes, yes I was having this call traced."

"I'm only calling you now because I am packing up to leave. I thank you for not taking all the money I had, just your find Ana fund. I have closed all the other accounts and it's safe and away from the new kids you have hired, nice touch getting the master hacker, Dragon Master in on team Greys side, I should have realised you would, so have you worked out it was me who ruined you and the pretty Mrs Grey? I see from the encoded message you wanted me to call, oh and I shut the doors she had hidden in it, old I may be but a fool I am not. Besides as of two minutes ago I no longer exist... Bradley Welch is dead; in fact he never existed..."

"I have, and yes I just want to know why, why you hurt Ana, me I understand, I was a lousy boss and I guess I deserved it, but not Ana, not her. She was a pawn in your game and in turn so was my son."

"A son you told her to get rid of if I remember rightly from the Escala feed?"

"I did, but I was confused."

"You have always been confused Sir... I use that term because Sir is what they called you, the others, to lower themselves to your greatness."

"They did, is that what has caused you to do this?"

"Partly, that and the fact I was fed up of clearing away all your messes, you are a fucking fully grown man and have people as good as wiping your butt for you. Everything you wanted, you got, a grumpy phone call and a woman was disposed of like a piece of crap. Your recycling was gotten rid of nicer than most of the girls I have dealt with. You needed to treat Ana better than you did, you pandered to that fucking Lincoln woman and it annoyed the fuck out of me. Do you know how much Ana suffered whilst you drank yourself stupid with your woe is me attitude? She was giving you a child and you treated her like she had given you a dose of the clap. You never deserved her."

"So, you, you wanted her? You did this to punish me?"

"No you adolescent spoilt boy, I did this because she deserved better than you. She waited for you like a broken bird unable to fly away because she fucking loved you despite thinking you had screwed your old hag. She waited she left a cookie trail that I swept up and hid, and when you didn't show she cried and grew to hate you a little, she sent you emails begging you to come back to her, but I altered them and sent them to you as you got them, full of hate, then when you didn't reply showing remorse for your actions, she stopped sending them, so I sent them from her instead. Yes, I knew where she was and sent you and those idiots Taylor employed, to the dead ends I did to save her from you, I even got her a passport, I made sure she was fine and had the best apartment I could find for her, I found her the best doctors and gave her a new life, only she loved you too much to move on and make a new life for herself and your brat."

"You took her to England?"

"She made friends with a friend of mine in Jamaica. She told her what to do where to go for a new identity, I led her gently to a place far away from you. I didn't realise she was unable to move on from you, she is a big a fool as you. So you have your answers... Now, chase me and I swear I will find you and ruin you or that brat. Leave me alone and I will stay in my part of the world, I will know if you try and find me. I may not be as young as your new kids on the block, but I am not that far behind them and I have many hours to do nothing but relax and get better at this black hat crap I love so much..." Fucking hats, I hate them.

"So you expect to get away with all you have done to Ana and I?"

"What did I do, but try to keep her safe? Oh and should the new kids get close I will release every damned photo I have of you and the fifteen, then those I have of you and Ana when she was but a poor Miss Steele, the new would be submissive, whose virginity you stole and who you introduced to your world, in hopes of changing that sweet girl into one of the other damaged girls you threw away?"

"You have pictures of that?" I panic; I turned off all the cameras and didn't have any in my room not any that can be activated by anyone but me. What am I thinking of, he had the fuckers put in. God Ana would never be able to live with that becoming public knowledge. Damn him.

"No, no I have a DVD, which will be arriving to a newspaper near you, should you try to find me. Oh and if you wait a copy is winging it's way to you, as we speak, just to let you know I am not joking, yours had a bonus feature, just for you... I have to be going my transport is here to take me to step one of many. I decoded the message and you said all you needed was the answer to why I did what I did. I did it to save Ana from the same fate of the others; she clearly wants you, as you are, broken and a rich heartless dick. Goodbye Sir and remember, one touch of a switch and the world see's you for what you are, and if I am arrested or found, and you guessed it I hit send, and if I don't hit reset every day at a certain time, you guessed it I expose you and Ana." He ended the call, what the fuck did I do giving him too much power. I shiver as I look at Taylor he listened to the whole thing. Barney said he was In Mexico and that he was right we was in a busy port, with access to all manner of transport, boats, busses, planes and trains all within two miles. If I had a man there, it was already too late he was already in the wind. He had me anyway, there is no way I ever want my taking of Ana's virginity made public, that was a memory for me and her and not the fucking World Wide Web...

"Sir, what do you want us to do now?"

"I don't fucking know, for the first time in my life, I have never felt as helpless as I do right now. What do we do Jason? I can't have Ana portrayed as a submissive. What the fuck did I do?" The security gate called there was a package headed to the house. Jason went for it. I paced the floor as Barney called his face appeared on the screen, he looked at me and I knew that look.

"He is right Sir, all the surveillance for Escala and your offices they went through his office, he had cameras added to the work detail even Taylor and I knew nothing about, including the ones in your special room, he wasn't kidding he has feed and photos of all the women, he only left the files on the server he did because they were useless to him. I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but he is good at his job that's why you hired him. He will more than likely live a simple life and perhaps reinvent himself? All traces of the old Welch are disappearing from both the web and the dark web. He doesn't exist as Bradley Welch anymore. If you put in a search it deletes any and all people with that name and yes, we are trying."

"Stop looking for him, stop trying to find him and use your time keeping him out of my future please, can you do that Barney?"

"Sir, we can are you sure?"

"I'm not sure of anything anymore Barney, send out a memo to staff and colleagues, from today I am Mr Grey. To senior staff I am Christian, I am no longer to be referred to as Sir, I do not want to seem aloof and better than my employees. I am just Mr Grey or Christian." Or dick head behind my back it seems...

"I like Boss Man myself."

"You would, whatever Barney, I need to be more approachable and relaxed. I am too ridged too pompous and up my own butt."

"You said it. Now I am fixing up your servers and what about the cameras Welch had put in to the Sound House?"

"Strip them out and you deal with them Barney. I am also giving you a big bonus to make working for me a happy thing."

"I am happy in my work, but thank you I can use the funds to save more whales and dolphins."

"Okay, use it as you wish." I smile as he salutes me as the feed ends, god he makes me laugh when I should be pulling out my hair. Jason hands me the package and I put it in my laptop, I have had Barney check it and add in more internet security. I play the video and my heart beats quickly, he has captured everything, from Ana entering my apartment, to me showing her that damned room, to me dragging her to my room and taking her clothes off and yes taking her prized possession. He has made me feel so fucking shit about a wondrous time in my life. This can never see the light of day, it's bad enough he can fucking rerun it. I watch it alone, Jason leaves the room and I watch. I am stunned as I watch further into the filming, he has captured my son's birth, he was spying on Ana even as she gave birth to my son, was he perverted, did he enjoy stalking her? I see the pain in Ana's face her tears as she ignored Teddy, her pain, the pain I caused her and I weep. My mother comes in and she sees Ana and her grandson.

"She didn't even hold him Christian; that is not Ana, that is a broken soul."

"I caused all that pain Mom. She is as Welch said a broken bird, unable to fly away."

"She ran Christian; she is as much to blame for this as you, had she stopped and just gone to see you or come here to see me, it could have all been so very different. I do want Elena to be hung by her red talons though; she has been calling all the family and both houses. I want her dealt with, in fact, no, I will deal with her. It is the blasted Women of Achievement awards tonight that is where she will pay, public humiliation, she likes the private stuff too much. I will see her there. If she thought she lost clients before, she was sorely mistaken I will break her and hit her where it hurts."

"Mom..."

"Christian, I let you deal with her before, I saw her face when she saw Ana and when she tried to see my grandson, and she knew then, it was the end for her. I am just going to put her out of her misery. Did Franco set up in the new place?"

"Yes why?"

"I need to look good tonight, because tonight is the night that the bitch that took your virginity is going to pay deeply for betraying me and hurting you."

"Mom..." Oh god, I am not discussing losing it with Elena, not with my mom.

"How I wish I had sent you to dratted military school now. I swear Christian do not piss Mommy off, not now dear, you've had your time to ruin her, this is my time to make her pay."

"Oh god, Taylor had best accompany you."

"Okay, you're right, I will want help hiding the body, and she is going to visit all the nine circles of hell tonight. My, oh my, is she going to pay and I will be walking away smiling, her botoxed brow will not know what's coming, she's lucky, because Ana, she only wanted to drop her off at the seventh circle. I'm taking her all the way to the end..." Fuck, I have only seen her as angry as this, the once before and that was at her birthday party. Where Ana did in fact use those very words, at what was laughingly called Lemon Gate, an engagement party to end all others... I will have words with my father; he may be able to restrain her, no I doubt there will be anyone able to do that... I head in to see Ray and Teddy.

"He is sleeping; I just can't put him down. He is so like you with a tiny hint of my Annie."

"I know, we get to see her next week, do you want to stay here and bond with him, perhaps come with us?"

"I have things to do, and I am sure I will be told when I can come. I have to be back I have an order to get out, oh and Taylor brought in my gift, it's for his nursery from his grandpa." I look towards the window and the most amazing crib is stood proud, along with a dresser and shelves and well nursery stuff and a toy box with his name on. "I knew she would never get rid of her child, she loves you too much to hurt herself doing that. She is a born mother; my Annie will conquer her fears and get better. You have to be there for her, not Christian, be her jailor."

"Yes, I know, I do Ray and I am learning that. They will always have security, I am a wealthy man and they are targets."

"I know, even I know that, but go easy she needs two people at most. She is not stupid, well not normally. Look I have to be going. I have to be home before dinner time, I have a guest coming."

"Oh, anyone I know?"

"Nope and it's early days so Annie doesn't need to know yet either. Her take my grandson before I steal him away." I gently take my son and see Ray to his car. "Thanks for the new truck, it was a nice thought. I was sorely tempted to send it back, but the old one gave up the ghost and I remember what you did to Ana and Wanda, so I accept it with grateful thanks."

"You are welcome. Drive safely, Ana would want you safe, hence the safe truck..."

"I always do son I always do. Give her my love and tell her I understand."

"I hope to see you next week Ray?"

"Try keeping me away." He kissed Teddy and drove off, I swear he had tears but he won't admit he did cry.

The wrath of Grace, so it begins:

Franco makes me feel wonderful, as I plan the downfall of that woman. I feel such a failure as a mother for failing to see what was going on right under my nose. I had always known she was never faithful to Matthew Lincoln, but never once did I think it was with my darling damaged boy. How will I make her pay? I had thought of hijacking her next cosmetic surgery and making her lips so large she'd have an almighty trout as a pout, her boobs, I'd either take off completely or make so big they'd pop when she flew. I fantasised about killing her on the operating table, but my code of conduct said first do no harm, that should not be true of paedophiles.

I shopped for a new dress and whilst I was there, I splurged on my darling grandson, only buying him the necessities. A few dozen romper suits, and outfits later, I am all shopped out when Dorothy Meyers, a lady who has professionally lunched since 1970, a lady who would be in my first circle of hell. Gossips... She is the biggest of all my known gossipy acquaintances, she is the biggest lose lipped woman in town and a professional gossip columnist for the Seattle Times. Paid to dig the dirt and find the bodies. Yes, I knew she was here...

"Grace, how wonderful to see you," she air kissed my cheeks, now that is an utterly pointless gesture, "I am here for a dress for tonight. Have you bought anything nice?"

"Yes, yes clothes for my grandson Theodore."

"You have a grandchild, why is this the first time I am hearing this?"

"Christian and Ana wanted it to be a purely personal thing. Ana had a bad pregnancy and kept herself to herself."

"How has he managed to keep his son under wraps? I would be throwing a tickertape parade if William made me a grandmother, though I am far too young to be one, yet." Like hell she is, I am younger than her by at least ten years. I know too her daughter has been in the family way three times to my knowledge. Choosing, like her mother to hold out for a bigger money man, none of the fathers wanting her or a child, she had trapped them with, so she removed the problem, I hate the daughter for that fact alone, she came on to both Elliot and Christian too being the other reason, both having enough sense to leave her well enough alone. I snap out of my wanderings and put part one of Operation Kill Elena into operation, I am going to play the gossip.

"We will be throwing a huge welcome to the world party, when Ana and Christian throw the christening to end all christenings. He is such a proud Daddy and Ana wow is wonderful..." Well she will be...

"I hope I get an invite, seeing as I didn't get one to their wedding?"

"That was just a family affair; there were hardly any of Carrick or my friends there, as I said family were the main people invited!" I wouldn't class her as a friend, an acquaintance perhaps, but a friend, no. She is a mere tool in Elena's trip to the inner circle of hell.

"Elena was even missing from the big day; she made an excuse she was too busy to attend, but we knew there was more to it, she lunched with you for years, and she was a big part of the Grey Family."

"Well, things change and people do things you can never forgive," that caught her attention, "sorry Dorothy, that slipped out, I mean I was meant to keep it to myself."

"I can be the soul of desertion, if I have to be?" Oh Dotty, I want you to be as indiscreet as you can be.

"She likes her playthings young."

"Tell me something I don't know, she invented the term cougar and long before it became popular."

"I'd ask your son, she has been grooming our children for years. I mean she did make a pass at Elliot." Which she did... "Christian too was propositioned, when he was still in high school too."

"She wouldn't dare, I mean would she?" She called her son. "Wills, did Elena Lincoln ever make a pass at you when you were younger? She did, you found her informative, in what way did she inform you, she did what, she did that when, how old were you? Sixteen, you were a child, she did what, we will be having words." She ended the call. "I have to be going, it seems she introduced my son to sex at sixteen, and in her damned pool house and he isn't alone apparently, he is one of many. I don't know what to do, he is adamant he enjoyed it. He was a fucking child for god's sake, and she was a supposed friend." I felt her anger and pain.

"I know and we have a lot of sons between us. I wonder how many have been tainted by her and her filthy need to have sex with children?"

"What do we do Grace, she still lives and socialises with us, how many boys has she infected with her filth?" If only you knew the true depravity of that filth, I feel sorry for the woman now, poor dear broken Dorothy.

"We make calls, discreetly of course, then we work out what we as a group can do to hurt her where it matters, in her salons and in her standing in our community, we make it so difficult to live here that she cannot, we ruin her reputation. I even had her helping on the committee for Coping Together; imagine my horror to find I trusted her with those vulnerable boys."

"That is not enough for what she took from my boy, his innocence was lost. He was abused Grace, abused," I know, I really do, "is that why Ana replaced her on the committee, she said it was family nepotism?"

"She would, no I asked her to step down when Elliot mentioned seeing her with a couple of the trust boys and he told me what she had done." White lies, all this happened after Christian and I talked at my party.

"I will kill her; with my bare hands I swear I will kill her..."

"No, I have plans for Ms Lincoln. I am sure you trust me to deal with this, please, just spread the word to those with boys of say fourteen and above?" Her brain is whirring and she suddenly vomits, not a good look and I pass her a tissue.

"My nephew is helping her redo her garden boarders, he is fourteen and he started yesterday." He has two days of seeing her sunbathe if she keeps to her script. She makes another call.

"Hi sweetie, its Aunty Dodo, will you please come to my house after school today, Mrs Lincoln, no she has a gardener in doing her boarders. I want you to go to work with your cousin William, the pays better rates and as a bonus, you get to see his video gaming empire. You will, then that's great, see you later for cookies and milk."

"Very good, now listen to what I think needs to happen..."

* * *

Well those of you who know me, know I have carpal tunnel on my wrists and it hurts to type, I had a set back and its started again... Posting this and putting down roots later... Sorry for delay on both stories... I may update again this weekend too...


	9. Chapter 9

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters.

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise they need to seek out help.

* * *

Chapter 9: What I need is cold glass of Sancerre and popcorn:

Day six in the mad house, where I was woken again by that damned cockerel, he is doing his very best to drive me to enact on my right to bear arms. I swear he is going to die...

I had a great day yesterday; I saw to the horses, had a chat with one of John's nine personas. Then I got news from home, that Teddy was fine and Christian was always faithful to our marriage vows, it seems all he did was stay drunk for a few weeks. John was very adamant to heal myself, that I needed to know what had happened, and he's right I did need to know. Alas, had I not had months of brooding and thinking the worst of him, I may not have done what I did, but I did and there was no going back, but now I need to heal myself and the news yesterday has done a great deal to help me on my way. I wash, change and go to breakfast.

As I head down the stairs I feel like someone is watching me, I turn and see Carrie is hiding in the doorway. I continue down to breakfast and she follows me down.

"You can walk with me you know?"

"I can, I mean I know I can. I got up early, its sweat day today."

"What's it like?"

"Hot and sweaty, I fall asleep in it, they chant and they incant some sort of prayer things, they open the doors and let the heat out every so often, we sit and drink water and bare our souls. I think Gemma likes it because it shifts those extra ounces she carries and opens the pores. Me, it's really relaxing, but hot."

"Okay then, what do I wear?"

"Loose stuff, a cotton shirt and skirt as long as it's cool, or a swimsuit and a towel, or in my case a flaming kaftan the size of the f-in-tent itself."

"Why do you keep putting yourself down? It's not necessary to point out you are a little larger than average. I am a little too skinny and definitely not your average woman." She smirks. "So you think I am sucking up to you? Well I am not; everyone is different Carrie, everyone has a body issue of some sort. I never think I'm good enough to be seen with my husband, the women who, even when I am with him, come up and throw themselves at him is unbelievable. I mean some are models, film stars and trust fund bitches."

"Hey I am a trust fund bitch, a fat..."

"...Is there any need to add the fat thing in there? I think the first night here told me you are an over eater. I don't need to hear you put yourself down."

"Okay. Your husband, does he talk to them and ignore you? I mean when they talk to him?"

"No, no he doesn't even acknowledge them, he never has, ever, sometimes if they are a little to persistent he may tell them to go away, perhaps not quite as nicely as that, but they get the message. He either kisses me to let them know I... That I..." That I am all he wants, he has never as much as looked at anyone else when I am with him, why did I not take that in? I mean he is always telling me he loves me, that I am perfect, that... God he sees more in me than I do...

"Ana, earth to Ana... Are you okay?" I snap back as we hit the dining hall. Nate is filling the hot plates.

"Sorry, Carrie, I just realised, I am an idiot and he likes me."

"Likes you? He married you, so he must love you some and then some didn't you have a baby?"

"Some, yes he loves me some. I just don't love myself. What's having a baby got to do with love?"

"I don't know aren't they made when two people love each other derr."

"Not all the time, but yes Teddy was defiantly made by two people who loved each other."

"That's in the past Ana, loved. Do you not love him anymore?"

"I have never stopped loving him, even when I thought he had strayed, I wanted to hate him, I really did, I don't know I fell so deeply so quickly for him that he is all I have ever wanted and needed. He completes me and when I thought he cheated my word split in two, half of me hated him, because he had I thought cheated and the other half died because I lost him, I thought, to someone I despised."

"Well that's my breakfast up chucked, god that's so fucking crazy, you love him, he loves you and you can all live happily ever after. That's up to you."

"I guess we could, I mean, you are right, the same thing could be said of you. What you eat what you do in the way of exercising. The band you have fitted, did you ask for that or did Mommy make you have it?"

"She said it would help me, what she meant was the new sister was her ideal size and she wanted us to look good in the family photos. I mean they look like coordinating Sears models and there's me Jabba the Gut..."

"Again, stop with belittling yourself, no pun intended before you add in something snarky."

"I was gonna too. So, breakfast the best meal of the day. Hi Nate, can I have fruit please and oatmeal?"

"Sure I will bring over the oatmeal. How's the last week been?"

"Great, I lost some weight. I am down six whole knots on my belt and I feel good." I smile as we go and sit down.

"You are on a diet?"

"Another one yes, this one allows me to eat what I want. I add in super foods and walk. I am feeling good about myself this week."

"Life is like that up and down, happy and sad. We all find our own way eventually. Eat what you like in moderation. Exercise as you want and live life for you not your mother, your step sister has problems being skinny; you have problems being larger than her. Perhaps if you both talked more instead of shouting at each other and belittling each other, every chance you get, you could help each other?"

"That's like mixing oil and water Ana."

"I guess it could be, if you both keep thinking like that. You could try thinking like you and she are oil and white wine vinegar, when thoroughly shaken they combine to make a great salad dressing, something great for that bloody salad you will need to eat." She laughs, and I laugh as we eat our fruit and oatmeal, this is really good.

"Yeah love a salad I do, as long as there is a burger under it."

"I like a burger or two too. My father in law is really good on the bbq."

"What are your family like?"

"I have my father, who is gonna kill me, we have a great bond which I have ruined, then I have my mother, who is a little, sorry, a lot in her own world and that of whomever she is dating at the time."

"Has she been in touch, your mother?"

"I don't think so. I called her to ask for help and she, she, she made an excuse about Bob needing to be at the doctors for a visit."

"She sounds like my mom. Her extra men always came first; she was always cheating on my dad. Then we moved to New York because of dad's job and we moved in next door to Gemma and her parents. Then after about three years living there, my world ended as I knew it, because what did they do, they only fucking swapped partners! I swear I never imagined they would do that, they were friends for years and then our dads simply swapped homes and we, Gabby and I were left to deal with the mess their swinging lifestyle caused. Apparently, they think this is okay to do. I mean I loved my dad, but out mom's ruled their lives and didn't give a shit about Gemma and me, worse still we went to the same school with girls who lived on the same estate as us, and they told everyone about our 'polygamist lifestyle' I swear I was fed up of explaining we were not bloody like that, and that they were swingers gone wrong."

"Ouch, I had to admit that confused me in the meet and greet, you know whose daddy was screwing as you so eloquently put it, whose mommy. So, how old are you Carrie?"

"Twenty six, why do you want to know that?"

"How old is Gemma?" I have a wild thought.

"Twenty four, again why Ana, we are not actual sisters, if that's what you were thinking, we only moved near them three years ago, so?"

"No, god no, you say you have a trust fund, does Gemma?"

"Yeah, our parents and grandparents are mega rich and mega weird, why?"

"Move in together, away from their influence and their whacky world, buy something great and big enough not to see each other, and help each other get the balance back. I know you don't hate each other; you just hate the mess the supposed adults in your life have caused. So, my advice, move out from their demanding ways."

"Like she would agree to that?" Gemma had sat behind her after we had made ourselves comfy with our oats.

"Actually I would, we are a laughing stock at home. I really hate living there now; the olds have ruined it for us."

"They did, didn't they? It will have to be big though Gemma."

"Is that a dig at my closet space needs to be?"

"Ha mine has more material in it..."

"A gym and stables and a pool..."

" _TORTURE CHAMBERS_ ," Carrie shrieks, "no I like them, horses I mean, but I am just too big to ride them. I can't fit on the machines and I never learnt to swim, a pool meant I had to put bathers on and I was too..."

"If you say too big to get in one, then that's a stupid reason not to learn to swim Carrie. Board shorts and a tee shirt work well as swimmers, then when we work out together and diet together we may get on a little better. It was only when our parents did that we started to fight."

"Can we move here to Seattle? I hate New York?"

"Yeah well away from people who know us. Talking about stables, Ana you are not there today, you are in meditation class today. You are to be relaxed and chilled. See you in the sweat lodge later; I am on mucking out this morning. Carrie come and meet the horses, you can help?" We had finished breakfast, and we had all been watched by Nate. He smiled as they disappeared out to see my horses. I will go over later. He headed my way to wipe down the tables.

"Good work there, they really are so alike, when you put the obvious difference behind them. Those girls have had to deal with their parent's lifestyle all their lives. Now, as Gemma said you are to have a meditation and relaxation morning. Emily will meet you in her rooms."

"Okay, what do you do here because you are not just a cook?" He smiled.

"I am a trained psychologist, in the area of dementia. I help those losing their memory to cope, as we have nobody here needing my specific trade if you will, I am in the kitchen, keeping my hand in at doing the cooking, I love it, I was particularly impressed with your dinner last night, Paella."

"I have a great teacher, Gail taught me how to make it for Christian, but did you have to hog the wine bottle, I do like a nice Sancerre?"

"Yup, we are a dry clinic; it doesn't go down well with the ones here for that particular problem, the actress would kill for that bottle. That was one from Emily collection. She is waiting for you off with you..." I smile as he clears my plate and I head for my meditation session.

* * *

" _So, talking to the other guests seems to be helping her Emily, is that why Charlotte had her pulled her from the horses?"_

" _Yes, she needs to interact with the others more, but never in a million years did I expect that outcome, did you Beth?"_

" _I would never have imagined it. Perhaps instead of publishing our Ana should go back to university and train in_ _Psychology, she is a natural."_

" _She is a quick heal, she was just tired emotionally drained and unable to cope with a sick child in that state of being, she was so physically and mentally drained herself. Is Charlie showing her the news from the Awards ceremony last night?"_

" _It was very unusual, that's for sure..."_

" _I wish I had gone now... Donavan is here later..."_

" _Charlie says she has sunk his plans for this place and he is not happy, he was caught drink driving again last night. We may need to sedate him and enter him into the program, if he starts again..."_

" _Not here though, because it wouldn't be ethical for us to treat him; I think John Flynn has agreed to treat him as an inpatient at his place. Anyway, I will transcribe their talks, all three of them and pass them on to Charlie. Where is Maria?"_

" _She is with Jules on a horse ride. I have to be going Beth, Ana is now waiting."_

" _Okay, leave me with three lots of damned paperwork, its fine..."_

" _I will, see you in the sweat lodge..."_

* * *

I knock on the door, and wait for my call to enter. I am then startled as Emily comes from a room at the side of the dining room and startles me.

"Sorry I had paperwork to do; I hate it I really do. How are you this morning Ana?"

"Relaxed and able to be myself a lot more. Though I have this pain in my chest; a horrid heaviness; an ache, sadness if you will?"

"Why do you think you are feeling like this?"

"I miss the two men in my life, Teddy and Christian, I am constantly wondering, worrying and you know thinking about them and what I am missing, my heart is breaking, because I know I am missing Teddy get better and I want to hold him and tell him how sorry I am, I want him to know the wreck who nearly killed him is sorry, and that she does love him."

"You just needed the rest Ana."

"No, what I needed was to see people having a worse time than me to realise I needed to sort myself out. I caused all this happening to me and my family, had I just gone and seen Grace and talked to Carrick. I would not have banged in this massive wedge into the understanding family that I had."

"Had Ana, you still have them and hindsight is a wonderful gift Ana, would that we all had it. Now we are dressed for Yoga, good, take a mat and join me, let me put on the music and light the candles, dim the light and we are ready. Then there will be a deep tissue massage, a head massage and perhaps some hot stones. Then Charlotte has a session booked in after lunch."

"Okay, I do love having massages; Kate has them weekly to distress being a journalist takes its toll, ha she should try being married to Christian. I normally fall asleep and drool, I am looking forward to it, the sleep is so deep and relaxing?" Unless it is my husband's hands doing the massaging and that never leads to sleep, and I get a warm glow and that missing shiver of anticipation I always had around him, has returned, god I missed feeling his hands on me. I lay on the floor and we warm up and then we stretch and bend and I swear I am as stiff as a board and unable to flex as I did once upon a time, boy did I learn to be flexible quickly with Christian.

I am so out of shape it's unbelievable, I keep up and some of the poses have me shaking and falling over, my balance and coordination is not the best it has to be said, it never was, I even fell into his office the first time my eyes met his as he picked me up and I was his for the taking. I grin as I do the downward dog and breathe a sigh of relief when Emily ends that torture session. I need to get fit. I am not relaxed I am so blinking out of shape its untrue.

"How was that Ana?"

"Hu, when you get a donor for a set of new legs and a lung, wake me up. It's a good job we are not in a gym; I'd be in resuscitation now, if we were."

"I started off easily too. Have a drink of water from the cooler and slip behind the screen and put the towel on please I will send in the masseuses!" I thank god, it's not a masseur because Christian would go mad. I laugh as I sip the water; I really cared what he thought of another man touching what he considered for his eyes only. I do as Emily asks as she sits behind a desk and writes in my notes, god I flunked yoga class! She points to the table and a woman who looks like a Russian shot putter enters the room, she doesn't even smile, I hate to swear but fuck me she is a Bond villain and has come to kill me.

"Please lie on your stomach and put your head in the hole." Umm, she speaks with an English accent can I soften the massive muscular woman who looks like she could snap me in a blink of an eye. "Have you any allergies to oils of any type?"

"No, I have no allergies and as far as I know I am okay with all carrier oils, for lavender and oh god Kate's woman used all sorts of flavours, I mean fragrances of essential oils."

"Thank you; I have my own mix for the helping of stress and relaxation. I am a full qualified physio therapist and have worked on the Cambridge Rowing team, please do not worry!" Christian rows, or he did, he certainly pounds the rowing machine in his damned gym, and yes I watched, it was almost as good as having sex with him, god I am really imagining all sorts of sexual things, is this normal?

"Okay, so I am in safe hands then." I smile, lie down and she begins and as soon as the warm oil and her very soft hands hit my skin, I know I bloody well groaned like I was in heaven. I know she said I was knotty and tense and that was the last thing I heard, because I relaxed so much I bloody well slept. I was awakened when she asked me to turn over, god that was a-fucking-maze-ing... I swore in my head and wiped the drool away as I turned over.

"Are you okay Mrs Grey?"

"Yep, can I have your number for when I get out of here, because that was amazing?"

"Thank you, I will see you have it, now I am going to do some leg stretching rubs, if they hurt it's because you really have the tightest muscle tension I have ever got my hands on."

"This is the deep tissue thing, I had this once and kicked the poor woman, so be forewarned, what are you called?"

"Hattie, full moniker Harriet Hughes, and I am so sorry I should have introduced myself at the beginning."

"My name is Ana, Anastasia Grey, where in England do you come from?"

"I lived and still have a home in a little place called Stow-on-the-Wold, is a small market town in Gloucestershire, England. It is in the Cotswolds."

"I spent a lot of time in Yorkshire, my son was born there." She smiled and made me feel pretty damned amazing. When she finished I flopped off the couch and I swear I could have kissed her, damn it I need a lady like her on call 24-7. "Please do not forget to leave your number; I needed that, thank you. The head thing was the best ever I had a headache and whammy it's gone, you should insure those hands for millions." She smiled and headed out.

"How was that Ana?"

"Is this going to sound bad, but it was nearly as good as sex, hell it was. Where did you find her?"

"She is my sister's partner; she and Maria are a couple and yes I know what you mean, I have had a massage off her and can agree, she is very good, now get dressed, it's lunch time and you have to see Charlotte in half an hour."

I was now dressed and so relaxed as I headed in to get my lunch. The gangs all here, including the elusive actress, Elisabeth Monks, she is on her own and obviously does not want company as she makes it know as I pass her with my tray. So much, for her being my idol of the silver screen, she is a stroppy old lush. I hear her all the time, from my room, she is constantly throwing temper tantrums and I have no time for people not willing to be nice to those trying to help them. I sit next to the only one I have not spoken to besides Elisabeth, George the memory loss boy, well young man. He is in his late teens I would think.

"Can I sit with you?" He looks up and smiles.

"Yeah sure, do I know you?"

"No, but we were introduced when I got here, hello I am Anastasia, but I prefer Ana. How are you today?"

"The same as yesterday thanks for asking, I may not remember who you are in a minute. It happens a lot." Oh okay, I guess?

"That's bad, well I am feeling great, sorry but I am."

"Don't be, I am happy when people do get help. I wish I could get the old me back."

"As in you don't know who you are, and you want to remember?"

"I don't remember anything past coming down for food." He stabs a French fry and dips it in the ketchup. I eat my burger and umm as the smooth fried onions hit my taste buds, I think I have proved I like my food so they are letting me eat whatever I want and I definitely wanted this burger. I sip my tea and look out of the window and I see Samantha and Luke, they are on their phones and I know who they are talking to. Christian...

"Hello, who are you?" I look up and George has forgotten who I am already. "I don't like fries why am I eating them?" I shrug my shoulders and continue to eat the mouthful of burger and onions I have in my mouth.

"I am sorry I am Ana, pleased to meet you."

"I am called George, where are we?"

"A place called Calming Waters, it's a nice place."

"Umm, the food is nice, are my parents here?" Oh hell, are they? I look around and Nate smiles, okay, I guess this is a little weird; he doesn't seem to be faking it. I continue to eat and when I finish my lunch, I smile and take my tray back.

"How was it, and how many times did you have to tell him who you were?"

"Twice, he thinks he's on holiday with his parents, how old is he?"

"Seventeen and lucky to be alive, he was in a head on car crash and has no ability to hold memories of the present for longer than a couple of hours. He is living Ground Hog Day over and over many times in just one day." Ouch...

"He isn't faking it then?"

"No, he will be here or in a place like this for the rest of his life. He was the casualty of a drunk driver, the family killed was his, and he was the only survivor, he wasn't driving, he was up front with his father. His grandmother prays he will get better, but he will never get any better than he is now." Oh hell. "Charlotte is waiting for you; here take this water and good luck." Why good luck, am I being tested again? I enter the lair of the lioness; she seems to be the bossy sister, or the sister in charge.

"Hello Ana, I am pleased with your progress, let me say that firstly. Let me inform you of my findings, and it's good news, I believe you simply had a bad case of the baby blues. You do not show any signs of PPD, had you been blighted with that, you would not be the strong person sat before me now, you'd still be in your room, and be a half soul. You simply needed time to yourself, time to relax sleep and heal your initial diagnosis in England was wrong, as was the medication. Now, last night I was at an awards gala, The Women of Achievement Awards, where I met your mother-in-law. She sends you her love and says Teddy and Christian are awaiting your return."

"Was she okay, I mean has she forgiven me?"

"Oh yes, yes she has but I didn't talk to her for long before she was arrested, her and half the damned awards committee were carted away, it was an awards ceremony to remember. I bet they strip Dr Grace of her humanitarian award, that's for sure?"

"She was arrested, what for?"

"Putting to rights something I believe has troubled you for a while?"

"Oh hell what did she do?"

"As it happens I have it on film, I believe this will be the thing to free you from yourself doubting and hopefully, you will realise what you believed to be true was in fact true. You need to watch this. I will be back. It was quite a night..." Grace was arrested, that's all that's going through my mind, that and why. I press play, sit and watch as the camera pans towards the arriving crowd when I see Grace and Carrick arrive. I see a few of her friend walk the carpet and then I spot the woman I despise most in the world and one I could easily slit the throat of and not blink whilst doing it, would that I could.

I feel sick as she parades in a dress an eighteen year old would wear for dress up at Halloween, what the fuck does she think she looks like, she looked like she had been poured in the dress and one tug of that tightly laced bodice and she would lose her frontage, it must be a hard thing to wear because it's certainly reining in a hell of a lot of silicone boobage and belly fat, if one of those eyelets can no longer take the strain, then that corset thing, were to snap, it could take out half the front row of guests. I guess it was too late for a nip tuck. She saunters past Grace and Grace turns away from her faux cheek kiss, Grace and Carrick leave with some of Grace's friends, leaving the witch to blend with the red carpet in her gory red slut outfit. I forward fast it, the fancy meal has been had and I watch the awards.

"Tonight ladies and gentlemen of Seattle, we are here to honour the ladies who do more than lunch, we are in the presence of some generous and giving woman, who give up their precious time to think of others, not least of all tonight's recipient of the Humanitarian of the year. With her charity Coping Together, with her philanthropic family, her friends and her god given ability to get blood from a stone, she has raised over twenty million dollars for her good causes. Most of you know Doctor Grace Trevelyan Grey, so I am not going to wax lyrical about her, Instead I ask her to come on stage and accept the award she so deserves. Grace, please come to the stage." I smile as I see her walk up the steps and as she glides across the stage, I see the joy in her face. They pan towards Carrick and he looks happy, but worried.

"Thank you to the good and generous people and the businesses of Seattle, who make my job of begging for funds so much easier. It helps that my children like to help causes close to their mommy's heart too. I accept this award on their behalf, because they make me humble to be their mother. I was speaking to my good friend, Dorothy Meyers and my fellow ladies who lunch earlier today and we have decided to launch another charity, this one will help with the issues of child abuse. Yes we do things quickly...

We, whilst drinking our wine and eating lunch, our husbands call us the ladies that lunch for a reason folks, well we were discussing grooming, it is that hidden internet thing, were a fifty year old man, or woman, can pretend to be whomever they want, putting children in danger from that 'friend' they met on line. I read somewhere that half of the parents out there do not know what their children are doing on line. I thank god that when my children were growing up we did not have this new thing to deal with.

So, as I said the new charity will be running awareness classes for parents in every school in the district of Seattle, with hopes for it to spread outwards until every school has some sort of adult awareness about them, that stranger danger is no longer just out there and on those streets they walk between school and home, but it is now that person we allow into our homes, that person we allow our children to talk to in their bedrooms. I didn't know until my daughter Mia pointed out it, that it has a name and that it is called grooming, shock horror, Dr Grace here, thought that was what we had done at a beauty salon. This is what started the discussion with me and the ladies who lunch, some still have children of school age, or nieces and nephews and it shocked them too. Ladies, can you all stand please?" there are loads of women lining the carpet to the stage, loads actually, wow there are a lot of ladies who lunch...

"We ladies here, we have decided to honour a woman from our group, who knows what good grooming is all about, as she runs the Esclava chain of beauty stores. Head up here Elena Lincoln, we have your reward for all your hard work. Come on ladies and gentlemen give her a big hand, she is a little camera shy, Elena please come up. The ladies who you have lunched with for nearly twenty years would like to show you their thanks for all the grooming you have done."

Oh my god, is she really going to be given a fucking award for being a child molester? I can't watch her be honoured for being a monster, Grace must have had her hand forced to reward her son's abuser? The ladies form an honour guard, I want to be sick as Elena smiles, and heads to the stage is she being forgiven, because if she is I entrusted Teddy to the wrong woman.

"Here she is, welcome Elena, as you can see the women who lunch have turned out in great numbers to show you their thanks. Here is your award Elena..." I watched in horror I think or amazement as Grace tugged at Elena's hair and her wig was ripped from her head, I knew that was to perfect, continuous bleaching rots your hair and now she hasn't any of her own... In the ensuing struggle, it was as I feared, or hoped for, her top being way too small and already busting at the seams, it let loose the plastic puppies from their tight red holding cell, the camera was up close and personal as Elena was suddenly flaying on the ground and fighting with Grace, Grace popped her a few times with her fist and then as Elena got up to run, the ladies who lunch, they launched, they formed what I can only explain as a guard of dishonour and then I laugh out loud.

Oh hell, it is the finally scene from season five on Game of Thrones... Elena is, not surprisingly re-enacting the role of Cersei... In the role of High Sparrow is Grace, The ladies whom lunch or launch, are the followers of the Faith of the Seven and are madder than a box of frogs. Even their husbands seem pissed off and then I realise what is happening, praise be to my mother in law, just as Cersei had to do the Naked Atonement in the season five finale, Elena is going to have to walk past the pissed of mothers of her victims and who knew there would be so many...

"Ladies and gentlemen of Seattle, can I please introduce you to the biggest child groomer we ladies whom lunch have the biggest misfortune to have ever allowed into our lives, or those of our young sons. Tonight, I have the pleasure in outing my sons groomer, not only has she abused both my son's, but all the ladies here on her walk of shame, have at some point over the years entrusted her with our young sons. Walk the gauntlet Elena and pray to god those men in blue at the end of the red carpet arrest me, before I get to you..." I am stunned and delighted too.

The ladies throw wine and food at her as she rushes as best she can down the carpet, her face is spat on and her hair is pulled, there are slaps and general pandemonium as she tries t get out of there, her dress bottom is now flaying around her ankles, a lady her age should not wear a thong, umm it's the game of thongs, I joke and laugh loudly, because the only way out of there is to run the hundred meters to the waiting policemen, I see why they are not rushing to help, I do believe there are some high ranking policemen's wives are the ones busy screaming, throwing cake, punches and wine at her... O.M.G...

* * *

Well, I liked that... DID YOU?


	10. Chapter 10

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters.

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise they need to seek out help.

* * *

Chapter 10: Oh, mother what have you done?

As my mother and father leave for her award night, I wonder what she is up to? My father said to stand by the phone and jokingly asked was I good for bail money. I laughed loudly and then as I did Teddy began to cry, Mom kissed his head.

"What I do tonight I do not just for you Theodore Raymond Grey, but for the others I love, my boys, see you later if I am able?" A tad cryptic but my father, nodded and they left me and my son alone. He needs bathing and changing for bedtime, we head to my room and I draw a bath and we bathe together, I love the bond we have, I laugh as he splashes his legs and then lays on my chest in the warm soapy lavender bubbles, he seems to like it too cuddling, to think without his mother's love patience and understanding in helping me face my fears, i would not have him anywhere near me and I then dread thinking about not being able to do this. I rinse his tiny body as he and I are wrapped my mother's best white towels. I dry him off powder his soft body and grease the poop hole and his man bits with this diaper rash cream, for prevention not cure, he never has a diaper on long enough and because of this I have mastered the diaper. I place him in it and then put on his I love my mommy vest and his ducky onesie. I throw on my lounging gear and we head down for his bottle.

I'm mid feed when Elliot storms in, opps trouble with Kate? No, she too looks worried and dressed in a pretty dress. Elliot I then notice has on a tux.

"What is the matter and are the doors on the house still?"

"You are never going to believe this, our mother has just ousted us as victims of that Fucking Lincoln woman, and Mom for good measure has been arrested and fuck me we and plenty of others are on the damned fucking news."

"She did what? Oh hell, what are you worried about, she only propositioned you, shit it was me she beat senseless and well you know turned me to the kink side."

"Chris, she and half if not all her book club group god damn near killed Elena, not that it was not a great sight her getting beat up side her botoxed face, her dress fell off and she did the red carpet walk of shame, Mom broke her nose and the others covered her in cake and bruises. You should have been there they rounded on her like wolves."

"They, as in more than one, where did this happen, outside the venue?" I ask, as I pass Teddy to Kate. Who grins at her first time feeding him, okay I trust you, just...

"Here it's on the news and it is an epic a take down as I have ever seen and I swear I have seen this done before." I watch as the whole Plaza Hotel is mobbed by screaming women being arrested, in there their ringleader, my mother, Dorothy Meyers, Charlotte Greer. Jennifer Gorg and several women who live here in my parents gated community. Included in the motley line up is Hayley Twain the police chiefs wife and he is with my father grinning. Okay why are you not getting them out of there, I say in my head.

"Here look at this, Mom and her take down of that pain in your butt, the thorn in your side bitch. She was presenting that dumb bitch with an award for her grooming, she really thought she was being honoured for her servicing the hair, when she was really being brought down for servicing the heirs of Seattle, you were not alone, why do you think Mrs Twain is there too Bro, their son is you, only now and he is still fifteen, that dumb bitch had him tied up in her basement, did you not hear the sirens and crap?" Fuck...

"No, Teddy and I were having his bath, my rooms at the back. We need to get to the station; it seems our mother is forcing my hand to reveal my past. Kate are you okay with Teddy?"

"I don't know I guess so." Not good enough. I call Ryan.

"Ryan, can you ask Gail to come and look after Teddy? She is on her way, why, Taylor, okay thank you, the doormen will need... He has good."

"That was one way, Bro."

"Apparently, Taylor knew I would need to leave Teddy, so Gail has been dispatched to look after him, I guess you want the inside story Kavagnah?"

"Damn right, but I do like this feeding thing, he's so adorable. Oh, I can go and see Ana next week; I cannot wait. She would love this; especially the payback Gracie Style, for everything she has done to Ana, because that bondage whore, you and your damned past near destroyed her."

"Kate, shut up or you stay here. Chris has never hidden anything from Ana, she chose not to tell you all that she knew and we as a family knew, Kate if you continue to belittle my brother, you can go home."

"Ouch, so you want to sleep on your own do you?"

"Not really, but if you want to go home alone carry on, it's between them not us."

"Please stop arguing, I will give you my exclusive story Kate, if you just stop prying into things you know nothing about. Ana knew me, she knew of my past, she accepted it and helped me move forward, her eyes were wide open to my world, you saw the NDA, the contract and you knew who I was and what I liked. Ana told you then, it was my past and is my past still. Now, it seems I am to vindicate my mother's actions today and see about giving a statement, to help those who need to know they are not on their own."

"As in a tell all expose of your life?"

"As in all the things in my past I am ashamed of. Things I now know are and were wrong. She didn't do it for me, she did it for herself. I was not the only one she taught, groomed and abused and I should have known better. Well as I got older that is, I should have been wiser when I got older, for fucks sake Ana saw her for what she was, why didn't I?"

"Because Chris, you, in your fucked up way, you thought she had tamed that mad bastard that mom brought home, the terrorist teenage and the moody young man. I guess it seemed to you she was doing it for the right reasons, you know now why she did it you know now it was wrong, you just have to make sure she can't do it again."

"I will... Gail, it's great to see you. As you can see Kate has fed Teddy, he has been bathed and with any luck, I will be back before he needs another bottle. If not..."

"I know how to feed a baby Sir, I mean Mr Grey..."

"Gail, I think given how well you know me, please will you call me Christian?"

"Yes, Christian, I know how to feed a baby and do a diaper. Jason is waiting outside; he has just arrived from the police station."

"Thank you. Are you two coming with me or riding there in your car?"

"Given the amount of wives arrested I would say we won't get a parking spot. We will jump in with you."

"Gail, you have my mobile number." She smiled, as I took him from Kate and I cuddled my boy. "He will need winding and well, he's colicky." She took him from me. I left him or the first time in a week, god this is hard. I will kill my mother; I swear my father knew she was up to something. I knew too but not like this, I had hoped it never see the light of day, but I guess that was just me being hopeful. I know she has photos of me in compromising positions, both in Dom and Sub stances. I have photos too and secret filming she does not know I have. Blackmail can be a two way street, and Elena is going to use everything in her arsenal, so it is best my lot is better than hers.

"Christian, this way, the press are crowding the police station. You are expected and Sir, Christian, you are far from the major player caught in her talons." I smile as I see Jason.

"As in, anyone they will leave me alone for?"

"There is a movie star, a politician or two and the wealthy of Seattle, they have children touched by her vile hands. One was hog tied waiting for his mistress to come and punish him. He is fourteen years old."

"Oh fuck, we should have done something sooner, much sooner."

"Christian, there a men older than you in there and one of them is a police officer; he should and could have done something too." Kate is silent, but her fucking head is exploding with the information hitting her journalistic mind. Jason drives and we head into the police parking garage. I am spared having to run the gauntlet of the press. We get in and my mother is being interviewed as we get there, and the place is madness there are screaming women and frustrated husbands. I feel their pain,

"Mr Grey, Mr Christian Grey? Can you come this way?"

"And you are?"

"Sorry I am Detective Moore; I believe you have some information pertaining to the arrest of Mrs Elena Lincoln, are you here to report a historic case of sex abuse to us?" Was I, I mean yes I am I guess?

"How does this work Detective Moore? Do I answer questions, do I just tell you when it started and what it lead to?"

"Well, take a seat, you it seems are one of the many. Mrs Lincoln is being charged with the rape and abuse of a minor. It seems she has been doing this to the young of Seattle for twenty years, when did she, abuse you?"

"It all started when I was fifteen, I went too help clear rubble..."

Grace Grey, at one with the universe... 

"...So, after I had lunch with the ladies who lunch, mock all you like Detective North, we, the mothers of the boys she lured into her pit of depravity, we came up with a way of publicly outing her as a paedophile and a vile snake in the grass, she has been my friend for twenty years, in fact since the day her and Matthew moved here."

"So you knew then she was interested in boys?"

"Lord no, no I did not suspect a damned thing, not until my birthday party, when she attacked my daughter in law..." I told the good detective all I knew... We talked and I answered.

"So who threw the first punch Mrs Grey?"

"I actually ripped off her wig, how did I know she glued the bloody thing on and I may have taken some skin with it. She retaliated with a face slap and then I think I may of laid her flat out with a slight tap to her nose."

"She has a broken nose and a fractured cheek bone Mrs Grey and a witness says you struck her nose upwards of four times."

"I hold my hands up to the nose, but she fell over her dress and smashed her cheek on the stage, that was just a bonus, though not seeing her actual naked thronged backside, but it running the walk of shame, that was priceless..."

"I believe you stripped her naked and made her do the work of shame?"

"No, no that was another bonus as I said; her dress was too tight to begin with. It was a size 4 when a size 8 was what was needed, there's some sort of law of physics about putting a two pound cake mix in a one pound tin, well any way the dress simply gave up trying to keep all her junk in. As to get out she had to walk the carpet to leave, in doing so she had to pass the women whose sons, grandsons and nephews she had fiddled with, she is lucky all they did was spit, throw cake, wine and slap her head a few times. I am sure the whole thing was captured on film, judging from the news crews out there?"

"No, they say an insider tipped them of a well known socialite being involved in a child pornography ring."

"Well good for them. Now as I believe they say in all the good police dramas I wish to speak to my attorney."

"We are not charging you with anything at the moment Mrs Grey. Elena Lincoln cannot speak, she is heavily sedated, however, she was formally charged with the false imprisonment of a minor and various other child endangerment issues, which I cannot enlighten you about, but from what we can see, there are plenty of her past crimes coming in to make statements, including your son Christian Grey."

"He's here? I mean good he's here. He needs this..."

"Indeed, you are free to leave Mrs Grey, but please do not leave the state. We may need to speak to you again."

"Okay, I have a job to do here and my family are here, I am not a flight risk Detective." I thanked the nice detective and headed out. That went well considering I had intended to scalp the vile woman. I knew it was an industrial glue thing she used. She is lucky that's all I did. I walk out of the horrid room and see the face of my son and husband. Kate is interviewing Dorothy; she will spill her guts, because she hates Elena.

"How is he Cary?"

"He is surprisingly calm; knowing he is not the only big name in here right now has helped. He may be a long time."

"Well we will wait for him. Cary I am so sorry."

"Gracey Grey I am so damned proud of you right now!"

"You are?"

"I am..."

"Er olds, you do know I am here right? Quit with the moo eyes and the touching stuff, keep it for home, better still for your bedroom."

"Elliot Grey, take your girlfriend home. We will wait for Christian it may be a long night. Who has Teddy?"

"Oh Chris left him in his room with the radio on and a bottle of Jack and I threw in a packet of chips."

"Elliot..."

"Mother, Gail Taylor is his minder, Ryan is there and we are a phone call away."

"That's all you had to say Elliot. Go, it's been a crazy night." He smiles at me and his father and grabs a reluctant to leave Katherine.

"So am I in deep do-do Cary?"

"Yes Grace, you are, but I will go out on a limb and say I doubt Elena will press charges, not given that she is facing all those charges. She actually asked my firm to represent her, and when I said no she has had to call every firm down the list and nearly everyone she contacted has a son or knows of a boy she has touched, so it's not looking good!"

"Good, now Christian, he won't be charged will he?"

"No, he was a victim in all this. He will be fine."

We waited for what seemed like hours. I watched as everyone who I have ever lunched with filed past me, I swear we all did a virtual high five with our eyes. My friends and neighbours were united in our hatred of that woman and we were the front line soldiers fighting for our sons. At some point, I fell asleep on Carrick's lap. I wake when I hear my son's voice.

"Wake up Mom, we have to go home. Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry Christian; I should have told you what we were planning. I just needed to put her behind bars. I wish we had done it when we found out. The Twain's have two sons touched by her filth the twenty year old law student, who has been abused by her for five years, she even followed him to his university for a beating when he got friendly with girls his own age, I don't have to tell you how that must feel Christian. Then she started grooming poor Anthony, just fifteen and has been in service to her for a year already. She even had Dorothy Myers nephew gardening for her. The Hodges are ashamed to say Isaac is so in love with the vile woman he says he will marry her so he doesn't have to testify against her."

"I know Isaac, he really wasn't with her as a child, or so she told me. Then again, I wasn't aware she was still playing with young boys again. Can we go home, I need to see Teddy, I need a shower and get this smell off me."

"Me too Christian, me too, let's get home, I need to snuggle with my Teddy Bear too. I did it for him, but I wish I knew what she did, when it started with you..."

C POV:

I get home with my parents and Gail is giving Teddy a bottle. He is chugging more milk each feed and is amazing to watch.

"Give me a minute Gail; I need to shower and change." She nods and hums as she feeds him. Mom and I didn't speak in the car, but it's a given it needed to come out, this way I am just one of the many, not the billionaire whipped as a boy by a child molester. She lied to me; she has always lied to me. I was a fool wearing rose tinted glasses and now they are off. I saw the kids I grew up with, kids I went to parties with file in and out of the offices to the side of me. We each were one of many she played with, how did I think, why did I think I was the special one? Isaac she told me was her first toy boy who wasn't a boy and I believed her. God damned it Ana was right all along. I showered, changed and went to get my cuddle in.

"Gail, thank you, thank you for coming, has he been good?"

"The best, he is a very windy baby, he likes to be placed over your knees at a slight angle and his back tapped and he burps as well as Jason after a Sunday lunch."

"He does, I will try that, I am still learning. Gail thank you I mean not just for tonight, but for being there for me in my bad times. I really appreciate the more you put into looking after me. I know I don't say thank you enough. I have always, always appreciated your care."

"Mr Grey, Christian, thank you for saying those things and it really was my pleasure to look after you. Now, Jason is here waiting to take me home, I am spending the day at the Sound house tomorrow, Ryan took the things Ray made to the house and they look very nice in his room. Will you and Teddy be coming to see it?"

"When Ana gets back, we will go and see it together, if she wants me there with them."

"Have faith, she loves you Sir, I mean Christian."

"The name will come easier, with time. Go see Jason I will however take my son thank you." She hands him over and I feel better as soon as he is in my arms. He smells so good. I trace his face with my finger and I swear he smiles up at me.

"I'd say that's wind, but he's on empty. Goodnight Christian." I wonder when Jason Taylor will ask her to marry him; he's a damned fool if he lets her escape.

"Goodnight Gail..." I see her out and I get that same windy smile from Taylor that Teddy had, Gail will have to wind him. "Goodnight Jason. I will be here all day, so please spend some time with Gail tomorrow."

"Thank you Christian, have a good day. Barney and his team will be on line for news on Mrs Lincoln, and their finds."

"I look forward to it." I head in with my boy; it's really late or really early, either way I am heading to bed with my boy. As I pass my parents bedroom I hear my mother sob and for that, Elena Lincoln needs to suffer. I sleep in and as I look to the crib, only to see it is empty, my son has been Nannynapped, again. I head down and find he is indeed in my mother's arms being fed. That boy sleeps, eats poops and gets a cuddle. I could do with some cuddles right now.

"Hello sleepy head, its after lunch, what do you want to eat?"

"Anything Mom, anything that is easy."

"Gretchen has just made your father some kind of pasta dish. Go and help yourself. Teddy needs to have his bottom changed."

"Okay, I will need to speak to Barney, she has blackmail things on me and I need to get them back. They could look bad Mom."

"Okay, do what you have to, but she is big news, big, big news and as this is going to sound very un-mommy like, but I hope they fry the bitch." She has her hands over Teddy's ears. I go for coffee and a Danish pastry; my mother has them baked by her chef, and they are fresh every morning and these are the only thing he makes better than Gail. I take two, then go and sit in my father's office, which I have monopolised since we set up camp, I sit and as I do, I have to take a call.

"Gia, what can I do for you?"

"Your house is ready Mr Grey, I hope you like it. Mr Taylor and Mrs Jones have walked through and everything has been passed as ready for occupation."

"Thank you Gia, send me your bill. I will need Escala readied for sale. Yes, the place needs to be made less clinical, more buyer friendly."

"What do I do with the things already in there?"

"Taylor will have it packed and stored. Thank you for the speedy work. Ana and I thank you."

"You are welcome. My bill is in the mail." I end the call. Her home is ready for her to move into. Jason has taken her things and mine, I am hopeful they will be staying, even if it is in the spare room. I spend what seems like forever reading reports and signing off on deals. Barney is working on erasing my existence from Elena's world, looking for the items she kept for blackmail. I hear a commotion in the family room and I head out to see what it is. Ana, they have let Ana out, with her is Luke and Samantha.

"Hell, what I mean what are you doing here, are you okay Ana, I mean..."

"Yes, I am fine; I have to work on the curing part, but that will take some time, apparently I had a bad case of exhaustion and a case of the baby blues. I am not a danger to our son, though I could still throttle you and do you some real danger." I rush forwards and hold her. I just squeeze her and hold her in my arms. We stand not noticing as the room empties. I breathe in her scent, the vanilla she bathed in hits my nostrils and it replaces the long since smell of Ana on my sheets that has now disappeared.

"Baby, I missed you and I am so sorry I didn't stay and listen. I wish I had, I wish I was as strong as you were, but I am a weak man." I fall to my knees.

"Get up; we are not doing that shit anymore. We will talk things through and not play games, you will realise one day, that we can only do this as a team, who each have a fifty, fifty stake in this marriage, you cannot make my decisions for me anymore, I have flaws, I have my self loathing issues and I need to believe in me Christian, but to do that you have to let me be me, Anastasia and not just think of me as Mrs Christian Grey. Do you understand what I am saying?

"I have to stop coddling you, and let you make your own way and trust you to know when you need to be careful?"

"My god I think he's got it. Now where is my baby boy?" I point to his basket as she helps me up, she is fucking here, she is back and she hasn't punched me, yet... She walks gingerly towards the basket and peers inside, she touches him so gently and as she does, she has a tear falling down her face. I want to run and pick him up and hand him over, but she needs to do this her way, she knows, or I hope she knows she can pick him up.

"Hello Teddy, you look better, are you all better Baby Boy? I am your mommy; can I hold you little man?" She leans down and she picks him up, he stirs as she does and he lets out a cry, not a harsh cry, but a 'hey put me back I was sleeping' type of cry. "Oh heck, what's that all about? I missed you and your daddy. She sits and inspects him, she kisses his hands and she inspects his fingers. My heart is in my mouth as she cries. I sit to her side and put my arm around her.

"He just needed to get used to the new formula, it was not good for him, and he is a soya baby. He is so amazing Baby, he really is."

"I nearly killed him Christian."

"I asked you to abort him Baby, I think we both can admit we did wrong by our son. I was just a fucked up moron, you were depressed and alone. I was just a..."

"...If you swear again, you will be sorry."

"No, I realise I swear a little too much. Mom and I are working on it. My heads sore."

"I bet, how is she, I mean she is here so not in jail for her fantastic show and tell. One day Teddy you can take your granny into school and say this lady is the best granny in the world, she saved a lot of other baby boys and helped my daddy heal."

"She did a good thing, I have given my statement and she is being charged with forty counts of historic child abuse. They haven't interviewed us all yet, it was bedlam at the station."

"I saw the film."

"How are you here Baby?"

"Charlotte and the sisters have given me full marks and I have to go in every other day to talk and continue with my therapy, but she figured I needed to be here for you. We have to work on us for a while."

"How does that work? I think the contract you had me sign sort of said I was to keep away from you and stay at Escala, how can we work on us being in two places at the same time?"

"Oh, I hope you shredded that after John's visit?"

"I shredded it as soon as you left the office. I hated what I had made you do. I am sorry, Jason hated me for months, and I was so lost without you. I did search Baby; I just didn't have the right people looking for you." I told her all about Welch, she listened and we both just stared at Teddy. We had been sat there an age when Mom came back in and asked us did we want dinner, how long had we sat there?

"Yes please Grace. Thank you for everything you did, has Charlotte called you?"

"Yes, yes she did and she said you had been misdiagnosed. I am so relieved, so what do you think?"

"He is a heck of a lot bigger in a week and a hell of a lot quieter. He is an angel, god knows where the demon chid is, but I hope he never gets so ill that he turns back into him again.

"He is very demanding and very windy, mess that up and he really lets you know."

"I do know Christian, anyway what are we eating I am starving?"

"A rack of lamb and vegetables and the chef has made Christian a chocolate cake."

"That sounds good Grace; can I ask another favour please, can I stay here tonight?"

"You don't have to ask, both of you can stay here, you need to talk."

"Thank you Grace. Christian thank you for stepping up and proving me right, you are a wonderful father like I always said you would, a little sooner than we wanted but I am so glad he's here."

"Can we tell the world?"

"It will soften the blow of what Elena did, so yes, you can tell the world you have a son."

"No Baby, we have a son." My mother left as I kissed my wife for the first time in months, wow...

* * *

The promised ten chapters which are all done and dusted... I will do a couple more... I think lol xxx


	11. Chapter 11

I am so sorry but I have had two weeks of packing and unpacking removal boxes and moving a four bedroomed house into a two bedroom, bedlam, then two weeks of no internet... I hate typing on my phone and I used my data on the damned house move, never again, good point my hands are rested bad points house heating broke and chest infection gotten, but I am in a writing mood, I will post again before weekend...

* * *

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters:

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise they need to seek out help.

* * *

Chapter 11: A traitor needs to be found:

Ana's POV:

As Christian and I sit at the table eating dinner, the conversation, as expected is all about her, at one point everyone's phones were switched off and placed in a drawer such was the interruption from friends, press and everyman and his dog wanting to know all the details. Then the awkwardness of my stay in the clinic raised its head, as it should have, they need to know what I have done and why I am out way earlier than I anticipated. Christian has just said thank god over, over and yes, I too thank him in my silent prayers.

"Ana Dear, how was it in general?" Carrick asks; he too smiling as he watches as Grace burps their grandson. The way they have accepted me back into the fold is amazing. I am very lucky to have them in my life.

"It was the realisation that I hadn't got PPD that made me start to feel good again that and not being so tired. Charlie says I was very lucky not to be suffering from actual PPD. I feel so sorry for those women who have it worse than I did Carrick! I mean I was so bad, what must it be like for women who suffer in silence and have the full blown thing, thats so frightening I was bad, they must be living in their own corner of hell?

Anyway, I was scheduled a counselling session with Charlie, but instead she had me watch the film from the award night, she was there receiving an award for her work at Calming Waters. Anyway, she seemed to think it would help heal be quicker than a dozen sessions with her and when I had watched it, I was, as stupid as this sounds, vindicated for hating her. I am only sorry I wasn't there to get a smack in for Christian. Seeing Grace in protection mode, well it made me realise just what I would like to do to her too and what I would do to her if she touched Teddy. After I watched it, there was only one place I needed to be and that was here with Christian, she passed me my bags and called for Samantha and Luke, I told them I wanted to surprise you all, again." As I looked up his face was illuminated almost, I had made my husband blush, a thing I have never witnessed nor been able to do, the shoe is normally on the other foot as they say. He grabs my thigh and gives it a gentle thank you squeeze. I know now, as I stare into his eyes, that I made the right decision.

"So Charlotte said, now Cary darling let Ana eat. She has plenty of time to tell us of her stay."

"Mom is right Baby, eat and tell us later."

"I am fine actually Christian, I am able to eat this delicious meal and answer your questions. Carrick, it was very quiet, I had time to think and time to be Ana, safe and secure and with no worries other than those of my own making. Charlie, she pushed me to talk to my horses and they monitored my conversations with them, they're not very hands on and healing at all. They and it, the clinic, were not what I was expecting, I thought I would be lay on a couch and talking my problems through, but I didn't, I talked to their horses cooked supper and generally relaxed as I mucked out and chatted to my new four legged friends, it is one of the many ways Charlie gets you to open up." Christian stops eating and looks at me, do I have food on my chin?

"Horses, you like horses Ana?" Christian says as his hand leaves my thigh. "I mean do you really like them?"

"I didn't like them for a long time, but I do like the ones who helped in my recovery, if that's what my week in a health spa was, really it was a week of rest and recuperation, apparently I was exhausted and not suffering with PPD, hence my being allowed home."I look at Carrick and he is smiling, he eats his lamb and looks like he has had a mountain of worry lifted from his shoulders. "I want to buy them, the mare and the foal she is having, if they will let me, I think Teddy would love riding in the meadow at the Sound House. If we are still going to be living there, when it is ready? Is it going to be long Christian?" He smiles again and then I notice he really does smile a lot, more than before I went away I wonder if it's no longer the Ana effect, but the Teddy Bear Smile?

"No, not long at all. We are going to live there together Ana, I mean if you want me there with you and Teddy?" Umm do I keep him hanging and lonely at Escala or happy with Teddy and I in the Sound House? I have been told I am not crazy, so why would I do something crazy?

"Of course I do. All this could have been easier, had I simply talked to someone, anyone. Had I been in the right frame of mind, I may have, Christian it wasn't easy for me either impending parenthood, it wasn't what I had planned, I wanted to make a go of Grey Publishing and travel before we added Teddy in to our world of chaos? You and I have a lot to talk about Christian and I still need to go to see Charlie and discuss things with her. She seems to think my issues stem from my mother and her inept mothering skills. I lack the confidence to believe in myself. She and I will be working on building that up and helping me through the many issues I have. It seems we both have hidden 'Mommy Issues' Christian. Grace could I have some more lamb please?"

"Certainly, here help yourself. Teddy here is all fed, Christian could you take him and wind him for me please?"

"Can I do that, I mean I'd like to, if it is okay?" They looked at me, like I was about to hurl him through the window, or at least I thought they did. Grace smiled as she passed me my son. Christian, the expert, he showed me the position Gail had found the easiest and most comfortable way of doing this. I placed a burp cloth over my knee and placed the tiny thing over it and paddled his back, cupping my hands and gently patting his back as I did, he murmured and seemed to grin, like he had done something bad. His father has the same grin when he and I played in the Red Room of Pain, mischievous almost. He let out the biggest burp I had ever heard, he even shocked himself, the little man cried, but it wasn't like the ear piercing shrills he let out before, this was different, I held him against my shoulder to comfort him and with his crying rubbed away he settled and I cried, yes I cried, because I had managed a crying Teddy and not freaked out or lost it with him.

"Ana, what's the matter, why are there tears in your eyes Baby?"

"He is beautiful, so very beautiful, thank you for making him better Grace. Thank you for proving me right Christian and Carrick, thank you for helping them."

"I didn't do a lot; I hardly got a look in if truth be told. We will have plenty of time for Grandad and Teddy time. I bought him a fishing pole and a season ticket to the Mariners."

"Dad..."Christian had that smile again.

"Okay, I promised to take him to his first game and sit in Christian's box there, but I did get him something when went into town. Here let me get it." He dashed off, only to return with a tiny baseball outfit complete with a catcher's mitt and a ball.

"No bat Carrick?" I joked.

"What yes, it's still in the office, I forgot it, Ana do you think he will like it?"

"He will. He is all set for his first game. Is it too stupid to think you lot have not spoiled him with clothes and toys?"

"We may have indulged Anastasia." Christian says as I shake my head. He is going to be one spoilt little man. I rub his back and I continue to eat, I feel wonderful and it is like the past few weeks and months have not happened and as stupid as this seems, it is like it never happened, but are we all in denial? Are they afraid to ask more questions, in case it upsets me? Have they truly forgiven me, because of me Christian and the whole family were robbed of precious time with Teddy? I then dread seeing my father again, but I know he will forgive me, because that's how he is, but I know I have hurt him as I have Christian. I snap out of feeling sorry for myself when Gretchen takes away my plate and sets before me a slice of chocolate heaven.

"I am sorry Grace; I can't have that, because I have to keep dairy out of my system. Emily has said I am able to feed Teddy myself, if I keep dairy products from my diet." Christian grins and Grace claps her hands together. Carrick blushes, it seems I am good at making the Grey men blush today.

"Good, good it will give him all the goodness he is missing, Emily is correct, it is still full of the goodness he needs and it will help you bond."

"Ana, that would be wonderful, are you sure you want to try?" Christian asks as he takes a fork full of my cake, having polished off his slice, and Gretchen had not skimped on his portion either. "Sorry waste not want not. I love chocolate cake." It would seem Gretchen has goo-goo eyes for my husband still.

"I can see. I would like to try, but what if he is sick after he feeds Grace, Emily said there is a possibility of that happening?"

"Mother's milk is the best thing for him; the chances of him being sick are slim, but if it happens we are here. Now are you two okay if Cary and I have an evening with the neighbours?"

"Mother, we are grown ups, I am sure Ana and I can cope, need I ask what you are discussing?"

"Actually, we are starting the charity I suggested for helping victims of this sort of abuse."

"I would like to look into starting one too, to help bring awareness to PPD. It is a taboo subject and sadly, it is unspoken of or often miss diagnosed as baby blues and people need to be aware of this and of how severe and common the problem is. I want to fund places for people who actually have the problem, I am one of the lucky ones to be misdiagnosed in having it, and most people, women and men are not diagnosed with it, if that makes sense Grace can you help me set up a charity Grace?"

"Men get it?" Typical, both my husband and Carrick too, note that little gem and don't believe it to be possible.

"Yes, fathers have it too or can get it. One day you are a couple and the next you are a family, sometimes a father is over looked and feels left out, not purposely in most cases, but everyone praises the mother and they make a fuss over her. Then the mother has to share her time between the husband and child, adding to her stress and adding to the problems, it's a vicious circle, often their partners take a back seat and feel isolated, they can cuddle change and do the menial tasks, but miss the bonding mothers, the lucky ones who can feed their children themselves, are able to do, most mothers cannot express their milk in the beginning in significant quantity to allow the fathers a look in." Carrick has rosy hue on his cheeks again.

"Err, I think I see where that could be a problem, I love feeding Teddy." And so it begins...

"That's what they invented breast pumps for. I have been throwing mine away, but I am like able to express milk for you to feed our son, if you were worrying Christian? I had thought it would have dried up, my milk, but all it took was a little patience and a few hours milking myself like a cow. I want to at least try Christian?"

"Well Teddy that was your last bottle, for a while, Mommy is going to feed you. I will inform Gretchen she is to hold off on making him his bottles." Grace says as I continue to rub his little back.

Gretchen it seems is bottle maker to my son and I don't know if I like that idea, she is already agog with Christian; her eyes are always virtually stripping my husband. She is not getting her hands on Teddy too. I snap out of it, before my blue eyes turn pea green. Gretchen is a nice girl with good taste Anastasia; I chastise myself and mentally slap my head.

"Erm, Grace we are late." Carrick is on his third blushing session and Christian is grinning like a fool. Is this all he does, dotes on his son and grins like a fool, gone is the Ana affect and it has replaced with the Teddy affect.

"They can wait; I need a hug before we leave. I have my suspicion you will be retiring to bed before we get back?" Fuck, I mean fuddle, I hadn't given our sleeping arrangements one tiny bit of thought. "I will also leave him in your room, I usually nanny nap him every morning. I like the quiet time with my little man." Grace informs us.

"Ana and I will be stopping here tonight, in my rooms, but tomorrow we will be going home. I mean if that's okay Ana?" He asks and I simply return the blush and nod my head. "I presume you want to, I mean we can talk and watch Teddy sleep?" Really, he wants to watch our son sleeping, this is so unlike Christian.

"Grace are you ready dear? They have a bottle of fine malt with my name on it, we lesser of the species are being sent to the bar, whilst the ladies talk about the news headlines. Ana, it is nice to see you back and I hope you ask for help should my ass of a son do anything like this again?"

"I will Carrick, I have no doubt he will try is best to be better at communicating, as will I."

"Hey I am here you know. It smells like our son has pooped again; Ana, do you want to change him and perhaps bathe him before bedtime?"

"I'd like to give it a try, I mean yes I would love to." Grace and Carrick got their kisses in and went to drown their sorrows or toast the wicked witch's downfall. Leaving Christian alone with Teddy, why did this feel like our first date? He is looking down at Teddy and smiling.

"He looks just like me Ana, he even has my temper. All he has of yours is those beautiful blue eyes."

"Poor kid, he's going to be a chick magnate all his life. What did my dad say when he rolled up?"

"He was enamoured with his grandson, he gave me a few words of advice and we agreed I needed to give you more freedom."

"Thank you for that, and as sign of my willingness to try to be stronger and less head strong, I agree to the protection officers, for both Teddy and I. No arguments, because I realise what we have there is priceless."

"He is, a smelly priceless little boy." He adds as he leads the way. We head up to his room and I follow him. I am nervous and excited in the same breathe. I watch his butt as it climbs the stairs; he turns to grab my hand and smiles.

"Like what you see Baby?"

"What, the carpet on the stairs is a wonderful shade of blue." He laughs and we head into his room. "Christian I am sorry for what I did, running away; it was the most stupidest thing I have ever done."

"There are no apologies needed from you Ana, only ones from me. My drinking was out of control had I been in the right frame of mind and not out of it drunk I would have realised Welch was not doing his job. Ana I am going to make this up to you if it takes me the rest of my life, I will. You have given me the best gift ever, our son, who is a blessing, not a curse and for saying that I again am sorry. He is smelly; take him from me whilst I get his personal tub ready. We normally share the bath water; he likes to kick around in the lavender bubbles, Ana, he lies on my chest and it feels like he was always meant to be there. That I have to thank you for, until you touched me, I don't think I would have ever allowed it to happen."

"Yes you would, because your son would never hurt you and you know this, or I would hope you would know this. He is part of you and part of me. He is wonderful and I could have done something to ruin this for everyone. I am sorry, I really am."

"We will have to agree to agree that this is it, put the line under the past and start again. If that's what you want?"

"Okay, I guess, but the thing with Welch, how will that play out, how can you make sure it never happens again? You trusted him, how can you trust anyone else like that again?"

"I trusted the wrong man. I have the right people working on it now, Barney was sidelined and given the crap to deal with, but he continued to look for you. I just trusted the wrong man. I will never do that again, nor will I treat the ones I have to trust with as much disdain as I did Welch. I have learnt not to put all my eggs in one basket too, too late for him but not for the future security guys and girls. Welch is the past and as long as he stays away, he is safe, we are safe Taylor has seen to it that Welch cannot get near us and invade our privacy ever again." He looks at me quickly and then away, he's hiding something because he can't bluff and look at me, just what is he hiding, there's only one way to find out...

"What does he have on you Christian, I know he has something, the old Christian would not settle so easily?"

"Ana..."

"Christian, please tell me what does he have on you?" He looks at me with such sadness in his eyes. God what does he have on him? More of those women, more on Elena and him, what, what is he hiding from me?

"Ana..."

"Christian, truth and honesty or I leave, it cannot be worse than what I am thinking he has on you, them her and your past, what, please tell me Christian."

"Ana, he has video feeds from our many interactions, video feeds I knew nothing about, from our first meeting in Escala; including my taking your gift, your first time in the Red Room and this is the most horrid thing... He filmed all of Teddy's birth, all of it including your interaction, or lack of it? I am so sorry Baby, if any of that came out, it would ruin you, and they would think you were like the others and I am a monster, it doesn't make for good viewing, your tears as you birthed our son were heartbreaking to hear. I caused you all that pain, that's why I will do anything to make this up to you, if it takes me the rest of my life to do it I will, besides forever making you feel good sounds like I it was meant to be..." Really, he wants to joke about this, at a time like this, about something as serious as this...

"Christian, how did he do what you couldn't, how did you not see it, how did he wield so much power over you and know about me and my whereabouts?"

"I trusted the wrong securities expert. Barney and his new team, they reckon he wanted to woo you away from me, by becoming like me a billionaire who got rich off his insider information. He was the one that dialled you, he sent you the messages and I was too drunk to realise it."

"Wow, bloody hell he is fucking deluded and in a creepy way, what the hell did he think he was doing, I have had no interaction with him other than perhaps three or four times. Fuck a duck, and the pond that moron is hiding in, he saw me give birth have you seen it, the feed?"

"I did, I was thankful to see it. I know what I saw was not great. I saw the pain. Ana please stop your swearing, you never swear. I made a deal with the devil, to protect you, Baby it's all sorted, he is keeping his money and away from us in return I don't look for him and he keeps our past out of the press. He was more in control of all this mess than I could have ever imagined, he found your apartment, your job and your doctor; he set you up to never return to me. He didn't expect you to love me. He filmed hours of you in your apartment; I listened as you said why do I still love him? Do you love me Baby?"

"Christian, yes, yes I love you, but you a bordering that line and crossing it...We have agreed to move forward and I for one need to speak to Barney, he needs to find him, because he needs to pay, I don't care what he filmed, we were two consenting adults and I for one am not ashamed by anything we did, in any room and in any position. I am glad he filmed the birth at least you saw it, I want that fucking clinic contacted and I want them to pay. They must have known it was being filmed. I was to sue their asses, I want... gimmy your phone."

C POV:

I hand her my phone and wonder what the hell she is doing.

"Get our son cleaned and bathed, I have the trash to take out. Barney hello, yes I am fine, Welch, can you find him?"

"Ana..."I whine...

"Ignore my husband, can you find him?" She places the phone on speaker. "I want him found and I want it doing ASAP, get whomever you need on it and only the people you trust." Wow, I like this decisive Anastasia. "I am sure you know what you are doing and I trust you to know me well enough to know that when I say I want him found I want it done."

"The Boss Man he said to leave him. But the Dragon Master knows of a way to find him and in fact has made it her mission to find him."

"Good, then Barney have the Dragon Master find him. As to Christian, he wants him to pay and I want it too, whatever he threatened us with, will be well into the open and then he will have nothing to threaten us with."

"Okay, then leave it with me, we will give you the news as soon as we have it."

"Thank you and for looking for me, now I have another phone call to make, then tomorrow at some point, we, Christian and I will need to speak to everyone dealing with security and the press."

"Okay, we will see you tomorrow."

"Bye Barney..." She put the pone down as I bathed Teddy, I am in awe of my woman, I could go all primal and very domineering at this very moment, but I have to concentrate on my son and make do with watching Ana and wishing we were alone and able to be like we once were. "Kate, yes, it's me, calm down, I am about to give you an exclusive story better than the Lincoln take down..." I hear her talk to Kate and I gather we are going public with life before Teddy. Our warts and all love story and kinky bits and the sad story of our separation, it is going to be in Kate's fathers newspaper and will be syndicated to the nationals, we will have nothing to hide and he will have nothing to blackmail us with. I have the fucking biggest hard on I have had in days; the last one was had when she stormed into my office and took down Elena.

"There Teddy, you a clean dry and powdered, Mommy can stop being bossy and dress you for bedtime."

"I can, can I? Good I need to relax a little. This would be the ideal time for a wine. Christian, I think it's time we put everything out there and made his blackmail threats worthless. Then we make him pay."

"I agree, but first, dress the boy. He is sleepy and we still have to talk."

"Just talk? I had plans to cuddle and talk."

"I had plans to fuck you into oblivion..."

"That would work too, but for now I need to see Doctor Green and get protection first dear and have my six week check up. Then we need to move out of your parents place. I didn't want to go back to Escala. I would love to escape for a while, perhaps take Teddy to Aspen and get some family time in and get to know each other again?"

"That's a good plan, I will make it happen, I guess this week will be one filled with Kate's interview and tracking down Welch."

"Now, let's get out boy changed, he is really cute, he has the cutest butt I have ever seen."

"I guess so, is it better than mine?"

"Hahaha, given he looks like you in all ways, his butt is like yours too, now, Mr Grey Junior, let's put you in these bunny onesie, he has enough here to throw away all the ones you take off? Christian he is not to be spoilt."

"He is the first grandchild nephew and son, of course he is going to be spoilt, just wait until my grandparents get back from their holidays, he will be knee deep in everything. Grandmother has always wanted a great grandchild." Ana puts on his diaper and dresses him, she is a natural as she gently places his arms and legs inside the outfit, she hums as she does and by the time he is dressed he is sleeping, and boy does our boy like to sleep.

"There all done, now Teddy let's get you into this beautiful crib, Mommy and daddy are going to watch you sleep, Mommy loves you Baby Boy, very much and I swear I will be the best mother I can, you just watch me." She places him gently down and sighs. "Christian, this is how I always imagined being a mother would be. I need to sleep I am so tired, can I borrow a shirt of yours?"

"You know where they are, can we, you know share my bed?"

"Yes, I'd like that, I mean if that's okay with you?"

"We need to just talk and find out what you need Ana. I would like to get back what we had before?"

"We will, we can as soon as I get the all clear, I was going to ask at the clinic, but my need to be here was the greater need."

"I am so in love with you Ana."

"And I am in love with you, you and Teddy are my world, it just went a little astray for a while..." I watched as she stripped and she was very skinny, I did see that in the videos her lack of baby fat. I wonder if that was the stress and my doing? I took off my clothes and we stared at each other, yeah we will be fine I see her eye fucking me... God this is going to be a hard night...

* * *

ALL RIGHT I AM SORRY FOR DELAY... WILL MAKE UP FOR IT BUT THIS STORY IS NOT A LONG RUNNING ONE LOL I HAVE OTHER STORIES I HAVE TO FINISH LOL, WHICH ARE NOT ON FANFICTION EITHER LOL... READ REVIEW AND THANKS NEWBIES FOR FOLLOWING XXXXX


	12. Chapter 12

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters:

* * *

Post postpartum depression:

PPD features a lot in this story: It is a sad fact that most mothers suffer in silence because nobody understands them: some are lucky and realise they need to seek out help.

* * *

Chapter 12: Back where we belong:

Christian and I were on the bed starring at our son as he slept, and we had been doing so for a while, our eyes met and darted away several times, his hands reached for mine and he held my fingers to his mouth, kissing the knuckles and sighing, and I did not pull my hand away, yup we were still crazy in love and I was a crazy fool, a crazy in love fool. My phone dinged, as it did every time Google had news on my husband...

" _Here at the Seattle Nooz, we have news that will rock the Seattle community who for months have been asking where is the new Mrs Grey, many asking where has she been for months, had they separated, was it that fact that old thing 'the married in haste and repent at leisure thing? Well worry no more; it seems she was busy having a baby. The sex of the heir to the Grey billions is yet to be determined, but during the Women of Achievement Awards,, a bun fight ensued, where thirty of Seattle's finest mothers were arrested for public affray, at the awards, it was hinted at by the mother of Christian Grey, that she had recently become a grandmother and to back this up, baby sized baseball clothes were being bought by Mr Grey, senior. We wonder if the reason behind Mrs Grey's absence was because they have faked a pregnancy and bought a baby, being too as Mrs Grey considers herself too posh to push. That is the rumour here at the Nooz... We eagerly await the first pictures of the Billionaires supposed kid..."_

"Ana, what in the hell..." I now wish I had not set my phone for Google updates about Christian and reading it aloud was stupid too... I passed him the phone, and after he reads it again, he then literally snapped my phone in two, okay anger management issues are still a problem...

"Christian, Kate's article tomorrow will shoot that article right out of the water. He is your miniature clone, any fool can see that and I didn't cheat and as far as I know neither did you, yours is the only baby maker that has been near me, I think I'd know if anyone else had been near, don't you?"

"Ana I don't give a crap who they think he looks like, because he does look like me and you are not a cheat Ana, nor am I. I am angry because they are saying he is not ours, the stupid bastards. I am going to sue their asses and break them; I will buy their sorry publication and dissolve it to nothing. I will..."

"...Calm down; that is what you will do Christian..." That was not working, so I went to him and sat on his lap, took out his phone, turned it off and kissed him. "Are you calming down now?"

"Yes, thank you. We need to get to sleep, as our son will be up before long, is it okay for us to share the bed? I mean I presumed we would share was that too presumptuous?"

"No, not too presumptuous, in fact it was what I was hoping you'd suggest it. Will we be going home tomorrow; I mean you said we would. I want to speak to Barney too; he needs to do a short film clip of the good bits of me being too posh to push."

"I will have Barney on it tomorrow, with any luck he has the whereabouts of Welch too, but they said he wasn't ours and he is, every little part of him is ours"

"Yes, we need sleep it has been a long day, and we have to thank Welch for recording me being too posh to push, we can use stills from that for the news article and then for her on line blog, the actual classy brushed up delivery, I cursed you a lot, I insist they are classy though, I wasn't very fetching..."

"Ana, had he not fucked with us, I would have been in the pictures. I would have been there as our son was born."

"I'm sorry and if I could turn back the clock I would."

"You are not the only one Baby, hindsight is a wonderful thing. Now we need to sleep, we may not have long before he wakes."

"I will take the next feed, because I have to, you know..." I pointed to my breasts and his eyes shone. "...Feed him. I'm just going to use the bathroom and free myself of the milk build up, they are a little sore, this being a milk maid isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Do you need any help; I mean I need to know what to do too?"

"No, it is pretty much a one woman task Christian, the good thing is I can express some for you to feed him, if he takes to the next feed that is? My kit is in my bag and the bottles are where?"

"In the kitchen, let me get a couple."

"I am not a great milking cow, one will be fine. Thank you Christian." I went to wash and get ready as he ran to the kitchen like the house was on fire. It seems he thinks he is watching me pump milk. Well, he can think again, peeing and pumping are for my eyes only...

"Here, I brought two, just in case and they can be stored in the fridge there." I looked and smiled, then ordered him to look away, which he reluctantly did. Whilst I pumped, he sat and stared at Teddy sleeping, or so I thought, but the sneak had been staring at me through the mirror on his dresser.

"Perv, I should have known you were too quick to agree to not watch me. Here there's one for later. It seems we need a stock pile for you and Grace to use. I am so tired Christian, it's been a long day, can we just..." He smiled, he knew I wasn't ready for that giant next step, my inner floozy wanted it, but me, I wasn't sure? I am still confused and though aching to be near him that way, I need to sleep, or what was I in Calming Waters for, if I am just going to be tired and work myself into the manic shrew I was before? Will he want to have sex, make love or fool around? Is it too soon? Am I being to frigid? Nope, no, nada, I would do him in a heartbeat, I think it's because I am a little ashamed of what my body looks like after baby...

"We just need to sleep Ana; everything else can wait, because we have plenty of time to take the next step. I have waited forever for you to be back here, a few more days or weeks will not technically kill me, it will just be hard."

"I bet..."

"Ana..."

"Well when I sat on your lap, you had a problem."

"I will get over it, now get changed for sleep, my shirt is at your beck and call."

"Thank you, I'm sorry about the problem you have, but for now..."

"...Ana, I am just happy to have you back, sharing a bed and talking, I am not stupid enough to think otherwise, but I'm hopeful enough to think making love again with you is a given, though just yet." He blushed as he said it and me; I stopped myself from throwing my body on top of his.

"I think I'd like that, but I am so tired and as you said, Teddy will want feeding soon. Plus, the marks from having Teddy and the saggy bits are not that great, I may need time before I feel okay to, you know show them off."

"Ana you haven't got anything that I wouldn't love to see, you are still the same wonderful woman you were when I met you, kind loving and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and the only one I have or I will ever love."

"Smooth Christian, very smooth, then again you always had a way with words."

"I did? That was nice to know! Now sleep Mrs Grey, this I have been waiting for, forever." I climbed into his bed and even before my head hit the pillow, his body was next to mine. Oh hell, stop it Anastasia, I was getting a little worked up and emotional and it was not helped because I was as hornie as hell. I wanted him, but my good judgment won the day, and after several sighs and I love you's Mr Grey slept. Me, I held on to those strong arms wrapped around me and for the first time in months, I went to sleep happy.

I awakened when I heard Teddy start to whimper, crap, what do I do? I got out of bed and went to the toilet; I needed to get that out of the way. I then washed my hands and my aching breasts. Christian was sleeping soundly when I picked up Teddy from his crib and he needed changing, which I managed to do without waking his father up. He was a very much changed baby, gone the screams that seemed like I was jabbing him with pins, those sounds were replaced with a soft feed me now cry, and I had to hope that he took to feeding from me, I had high hopes of this famous bonding thing working for us.

I looked towards the fridge and then felt the ache in my breasts, and yes, they needed to be released from the milk, I am engorged and need him to help me with the problem, sod it all, he best like this. I sat with him an old rocking chair, which faced Graces gardens and as I released my boobs from the maternity bra, his little mouth and hands clambered for the nipple, wow I can do this. I relaxed as his mouth sort of looked like that of a baby bird, searching for food, his cries seemed to do weird things to my boobs and they leaked milk, Teddy in turn seemed to be like a dog smelling out meat and he latched on like a prized pit bull.

"Ouch Theodore Raymond Grey, you are like your daddy, slow down there Mommy isn't going anywhere." Oh heck this was not what I was expecting, this was weird, but in a great way. Had I been a good singer I'd have sang him a lullaby, but given I had the voice that would cut glass I chose to read him a story. I began reading 'Guess How Much I Love You' as he suckled. I read the story of the big brown hare and the little brown hare to my greedy son, he had been on one breast for quite a while and I was delighted to find he was a natural boob man, I laughed, because it was as I supposed, he like his father, he loved the boob. The laugh made his little hands sort of punch my breasts and he cried a little, this was so surreal, just over a week ago, I was doing him harm when I was willing him to stop crying, now, now I am loving this little babies cute cry. I winded my greedy boy as Christian had done, over my knee, cupping and rubbing his tiny back until he let out a belch.

"Good boy, you really are so cute, do you want more?" Like he's really going to answer me, he's a baby Ana...

"Ana, are you okay?" Christian, hell I had woken him, crap I bet he thinks I am going to lose it with Teddy. I place Teddy at my other breast and Christian sat up and watched as his son fed. "Ana, how is it going?"

"Fine, really fine, he loves it, I mean I think he does, his little hands keep grabbing me and holding my breast to his greedy mouth."

"That's my boy. How is it, does it feel funny, I mean how does it feel?" Were we discussing breast feeding at what two in the morning?

"Shush, he is like his daddy and knows how to latch on and suck, and that is all I am saying on the matter, though his father was a damn sight rougher, but it does feel rather strange. I think I like it Christian, I really do."

"I have hopes of sharing with my son, the boobs I mean... I missed them. Good I am now sounding like a perv and embarrassed, how long have you been up, see I'm changing the direction of the conversation Baby?"

"It's okay I know what you mean, and I have been up about an hour and he has been feeding most of the time. He goes to sleep with my nipple in his mouth, is that alright?"

"I liked to go to sleep with them in my mouth, why would my son be any different?"

"Why indeed? I am serious; do we leave him on or what?"

"Should I go and get my mother and ask her?"

"No, no we are not looking like a pair of idiots. If he needs more then I will give it to him, but for now wind him and I will clear away. Then he may sleep another couple of hours, if we're lucky." He did just that and as he burped, he slept on. Teddy is wrapped and placed back in his crib and Christian and I look like a couple in a magazine looking in at their new born child, then I realised, we were that couple and Christian had his arm lovingly placed around my waist. My head was on his chest and in that moment, I knew, I just knew Christian had changed forever.

"Can we snuggle or do you want to talk Baby?"

"I think I'd like to snuggle and sleep. I did it Christian; I did a mommy thing and didn't fail."

"Ana, yes, yes you did, but stop doubting your abilities Baby, you just needed sleep and help, you needed help that's all Baby, time, love and help and guess what?"

"I have those things and more?"

"Yes Baby and more, lots more. Now snuggle me woman, I need a hug and I too need sleep, the heir will be up again soon, he is a crappy mini break sleeper. I know why you were knackered; the boy is like me, he is demanding and not able to sleep in and yes we are both hard work. Poor Anastasia, you are screwed. Especially with the two of us, we Grey boys are very needy..."

"Ha, I think you got it in one darling, my boy and his dad are gonna be very demanding. Now snuggle your wife and Christian..."

"Yes Ana?"

"I love you too, I missed you and I am sorry..."

"Me too Baby, me too." As he kissed the top of my head, his arms grabbed me close and this time I fell asleep before him. I think I will be okay...

CPOV:

As Ana is wrapped in my arms, I feel at peace for the first time in a long time. I had secretly watched her feed our son and my heart seemed to burst with pride, I had heard him cry and I hoped and prayed that she could see to him without me interfering, and what a joy it was to be proved right to have faith in her, she has her caring side back, thankfully my being total ass had not turned her into, well I don't know, a monster, a heartless monster? As I smell her hair, yes I am getting off on smelling her hair. This smell is uniquely Ana's, no matter how many times I showered in the same thing as her, washed my hair with her stuff, sprayed her fragrance on my sleep shirts it was never the Ana smell I remembered, but now I smell it again I am placated, for a while at least. She sleeps and she smells of Ana and best of all she is in my arms, a peaceful sleep awaits me, I hope...

I am awoken at what looks like day break and Ana is missing, crap was it all a dream, did yesterday not happen, crap Teddy has gone, does my mother have him? I'm just about to send for a search party when I hear the sounds of laughter; it's coming from the bathroom, what the fuck? I head in and what I see makes my head spin and my heart do flip flops out of my chest, Ana is in the bath naked and is bathing and nursing our son, if I wasn't happy before, I am now.

"Say hello to Daddy Teddy, Teddy here decided he wanted to feed whilst we bathed, it seems we are multi tasking. Stop perving Mr Grey."

"What can I not admire the view? It is after all my wife and son I am admiring?"

"I guess so, so did you sleep well?"

"I didn't have a nightmare, so I guess I did? How about you Ana, how did you like sleeping with me, was it too much?"

"I did, my dream catcher was hugging the nightmares away, then this little one pooped his diaper, he still has the knack of getting it everywhere, so that hasn't changed, I do want to know when it will stop looking like he has pooped-out an alien, so a bath was called for, and ever the Greedy Grey, he latched on and l he is having breakfast in the bath. Is this okay?"

"I bathe with him all the time, he likes it with the lavender baby stuff, unfortunately I have as yet to feed him in the tub, can I sit and watch or is that too pervy?"

"There's room for you in the back, or is that too pervy?"

"Water conservation at its best; move forward a little, I have a bigger butt that Teddy."

"You have, I will avert my eyes..." She giggled, god I missed that sound, and it sounded like the old days, as if things couldn't have been better? It seems they could...

"Ana, is this okay?" I had her and Teddy in my arms and sponged the warm water over the two of them, Teddy was chugging and I it seems am getting quite pervy, Ana was right. I placed my head on her shoulder and just stared at how good she and he looked against my chest. It was a perfect photo opportunity of a family bathing together.

"Your phone is on the table there to your side, I took pictures, you wrecked mine if you remember; can we have a bubble selfie in the bath?"

"Great minds Ana, I was just thinking that myself, but can we do some bubble placement my wife's tits are amazing, but are for my eyes only, I will replace your phone today."

"When did you get so uncouth?"

"I have always been territorial about you Baby, always was and I always will be, no fuc... I mean nobody is getting to see what's mine Anastasia."

"Okay then caveman, take the photo. Your boy is nearly finished feeding and will need one of us, meaning you, to dry him whilst I enjoy the soak."

"Bossy much...?" I say as she smiles and giggles as Teddy suddenly grabs at her breast to stop her moving, yeah I feel it Ana, and I am not sorry my dick wants to play, because he does.

"Yeah just a little, and then I need to get dressed and eat, I'm starving. I need to see Doctor Green; I need a check up as does Teddy because it's been over six weeks."

"Teddy has the best Seattle has to offer and he is in prime condition, he is putting on weight and he has all the things he should have and all of them are working right, but yes we need to get you looked at, did they see to your other needs at the clinic?"

"What, yes, yes they did and had I been there for the rest of the week I would have had Dr Green come there, the sisters are in the main psychiatrists, who all seem to get on together so well. Maria used to be a man, did you know that?"

"Yes, but she s a woman as far as I was aware, is this not the case?"

"Yes, she looks like a cross between, Jessica Fletcher and Nanny McFee. Emily is quiet and does a lot of watching, Beth is quiet too and very knowledgeable about art, she loves my apple trees, but she lied, she is not a good liar though. Charlie is the head of the house and is very cool, she is very patient and understanding and I like her very much. Then there is Nate, I think he was the best spy they had, I thought he was the cook for a few days, he is their baby brother and has just qualified; he specializes in PTSD. He saw a lot of it over in Afghanistan and the other war torn places, he came out of the army six months ago, so he is there and he wants to help former military people pro gratis. I only saw their elder brother the once and that was enough, he was loud and obnoxious."

"I know, he has money problems and needs for the others to sell their old family home, effectively closing down Calming Waters."

"Christian, they need help; they are too good to close, they help the un-helpable, Christian we have to help them, please?"

"Ana, calm down, or Teddy will get fractious, I have sorted the problem out Ana, I have bought the land around them and given it to the sisters and Nate, Donovan's plans have been shot out of the water, and the bonus I sent them yesterday for helping you, will pay him off. Anyone who helps my family, I will try to endeavour their help is repaid. I have paid them well, because to see you happy and on the road to recovery is amazing and all within a week, every last dollar was worth it."

"You are amazing, the man with no heart has the biggest one I know, I love you so frickin much Christian I could do very rude things with you."

"Really, how rude?"

"Very..."

"Has he, the Prince of Belleview had enough?"

"Yes, he sleeps."

"Good, pass him over and let me dry and dress him, then I have plans to woo my wife."

"Really, as in the getting intimate, sort of wooing?"

"Hell yes..." I swear my son was dried thoroughly, diapered quickly and dressed in a nano second and placed sleeping into his crib and all because I had an invitation to make love to my wife...

She came out of the bath wearing nothing but a small towel and a smile, lord help her because I am so in need of her right now, my drought is over and we have a lot of time to make up, if either of us see today outside these bedroom doors it will be a miracle. Let the wooing of Anastasia Grey begin...

Ana's POV:

I stop in the bath longer than I needed to, but I had such erratic thoughts rushing through my clouded brain, what if it's not the same, what if I'm different and not so great down there, just over six weeks ago a melon sized head came out of there, would I be what he expected, would he leave me if I'm not? I don't know about this sex thing, being different is expected after you have a baby is it not, that part of me was his and his alone, would he want something if it was to big? Could I have it shrank back to pre Teddy? God I am stupid, I've done the damned clenching exercises, stop doubting yourself Anastasia. I have done everything twice, and can't hide out in the tub for much longer.

I wrap around the only towel left and head to the bedroom. As soon as I see his face, I know this is going to be a long night, if I know my husband he is going to use everything in his repertoire, hopefully the silver balls make an appearance, those I wouldn't mind seeing again. I nervously head towards him and wow, he's in amazing shape, those muscles he works so hard at maintaining are popping, so he's been a close friend of the gym during my absence. His turn to release, when he is not having sex, that and running and from what I can see, he's not wasted his time. Lucky me, unlucky him...

"Ana, why have you got the look of doom on your face?"

"Look at you..."

"Ana, what do you mean look at me, you saw me in the bath, held me as I slept, you know what you are getting Baby, why do I feel like you are back to the same old question, what does he see in me, why me?"

"Well, just look at me." He does and I feel so shy and intimidated.

"I am and Ana and you are as beautiful to me as the day you fell into my office, you said that to me then, 'look at me' and Ana I have time and again and each time it gets better, the view..."

"Yes but, the baby weight, the imperfections the..."

"You are perfect, as are the beautiful badges you wear, those that tell me that you are my son's mother, Ana are those the imperfections that you are talking of?"

"Yes..." He didn't let me think, he laughed as he grabbed hold of me and kissed me. I swear my legs had turned to jelly and my under used lady bits had began melting, my body was his, stretch marks, and saggy innards included...

"I think Ana, you think too much, now shut up and let's get down to me wooing you..."

"I think we are past that stage, don't you? Wooing is getting me chocolates and flowers, going on dates and oh, I don't know romance."

"All good things come to she whom waits Ana. You have always been impatient and so demanding."

"Yeah, I learnt from the best, now is that all for me?" I am going down in a blaze of glory, if I am going down, so why not go down fighting. "Are you pleased to see me Christian? Because you look like you are?" I kneel down before him and look up as I do.

"Ana, what do you think you are doing?"

"I have let my education slip whilst in England; you do still like this don't you?" He grunted something about hell freezing over and camels escaping and skating home... When I clamped my very eager mouth on him, he gasped. Yup, I have still got it. I got myself comfortable and feasted upon him, like I hadn't eaten in weeks, he was stood tall and looking down at me, and the fire in his eyes was wild, as wild as my thrusts on his dick. He was close, that much I could tell, if his groans and pleading for me to stop were anything to go by, but I didn't want to stop, I didn't need to, I am enjoying this part of my delaying game...

"Ana, please stop, please Baby I'm so close, so close, Baby please..." I grabbed and I stroked, pumped and I sucked, like a woman on a mission the man in my grip was crying for release and when he started to cuss I know the end was near and wow, was it, he came hard and cried my name loudly as he did, shit I do hope he wasn't heard, he was a tad loud.

"Ana, fuck me Ana, Ana that was..."

"Eventful? Nice? Was it worthy of a few stars on my chart?"

"Yes, yes it was..." That was the beginning of quite the sunrise...

* * *

Shorter than normal but my hands are killing me at the moment, the cold weather is doing me no good. I need to live in the permanent sunshine...

I have been asked to nominate my stories for some sort of fan fiction awards thing, should I ? if so which one lol?


	13. Chapter 13

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters:

* * *

Chapter 13: Watch your back:

"Hello old friend..."

"What the hell am I here for?"

"I asked you here to discuss the next step in our plan."

"What next step, as far as I was aware you up sticks and were and are in hiding?"

"When you came to me and asked for my help in getting certain codes, I said payback would be required, and I am now calling in that marker and please do stop talking about things you know nothing about, for as smart as you are I am smarter, now where was I?"

"But I thought..."

"I do not require you to think. Yes, I am here in paradise, as there is no extradition treaty here and I as good as own the island I am safe, notice I said I and not we. I called you here because I want what I was promised, I want Anastasia Steele, we had a deal, I help you, you get me her, now why have I not got her? You were supposed to get her from Calming Waters for me."

"As good as, what does that mean? As to grabbing Mrs Grey, world peace would be easier to get. He has a great team behind him, he fucked up trusting you, and so he's shut those doors good and tight, no longer will one person get to deal with all his affairs, the new people he has are good, but I don't need to tell you that. My insider in Grey's camp has said he is untouchable. For god's sake, he managed to survive my little helicopter crash; he's such a lucky fucker. He will always get what he wants, she was treated like crap and she returned to him yesterday. Before I could put my plans into action, we were to get her when she was out riding, but going back to him, a week early fucked with those plans. He even came out smelling of roses when all the Elena Lincoln crap hit the fan. He is untouchable, so what can you possibly have that can harm him?"

"I know where all his secrets are hidden, I know everything there is to know about Christian Grey and I want to ruin him. I am awaiting verification of my net worth and getting the correct paperwork together, I had hoped to have longer to do this, alas I am now at the mercy of the Organist, he, she or they are doing that for me, I am however here on holiday for the time being, until I can claim residency here. Money talks and I have it, you want it, so will do as I ask, for a change."

"I want a lot of things that he has, he has what should be my life and I want it back, but that's not happening, no matter what secrets he has and he will always have her..."

"We both want what he has, you his life and me his wife."

"So, who wins, if we both want his lady?"

"I would say we could have her serve us both, but I do not share my toys well and as we know, you only want to break her because she bested you."

"A woman can only truly serve one master Brad..."

"She will be here in a couple of days, serving me her master, if our plan works..."

"So you keep saying, what is this plan?"

"We will take the son and heir; she will follow him into the fires of hell..."

"...You fool, he is guarded like the gold in Fort Knox; you are a fucking kook if you think for one minute you can get that close to him."

"I won't be getting close to him; you will be doing the grabbing...

"How am I going to do that then?"

"Your insider is going to help you, they are part of the trusted few yes?"

"Yes, but things have changed since you fucked him over, they have changed all their security protocols, there are only a handful of trusted people even allowed around the young king, my insider is not yet one of them..."

"Never the less, if we are to get her to come willingly, we need the child."

"Do you have a plan? I mean don't get me wrong, but didn't you have her followed from Seattle to England, why did you not grab her there or anywhere in between?"

"She was having his child, one she would not abort and I wanted nothing to do with it, seeing her belly swell daily with his child made me sick. When we have her here, I have someone who wants the child and that will be the final nail in his coffin, losing her and his kid, but when he finds out who has his kid then that's something else for me to gloat about, well let's just say I will be happy, him not so and the recipient will have his revenge too. I messed up because I didn't see her returning to him, nor did I think she would run to his parents. I should have taken her then, but had I had hindsight, I would be in possession of what I most desire and you, you, you'd have the billions you need to start to become him."

"You are all talk Brad, so how is this kidnapping plot going to go then, and when do we leave for Seattle and is the plan all finished?"

"Funny you should ask Jack, but when I have the final piece in place, later today, we then leave in three days, mean while, sit back brother and enjoy the view from paradise, get a tan and relax, then the hard work begins, have a drink, cheers little brother and one more thing, don't burn, with your fucking red hair, you will fry, trust you to inherit our fathers colouring..." Their glasses clink and Bradley Welch grins at his little brother, the sap he has big plans for, he grins at the angry little bastard, sat drinking his finest scotch...

Ana's POV:

Christian and I head down, Teddy is cradled in my arms and I feel strangely at peace. Christian and I spent the morning making up for lost time. I gather we still have lots to make up for.

"Ana, stop grinning like an over excited schoolgirl."

"Over excited, or over sexed?"

"Under sexed I would say."

"You would Christian Grey."

"You know me well Mrs Grey. How is he?"

"He sleeps, do you think your mother heard you and me, you know..."

"...Ana, we are married, we can do that you know..." As Christian and I hit the bottom step, we are hit by the silence, we both look around and we presume we are alone. Heading into the kitchen though Gretchen is stood putting dishes into the dishwasher.

"Sir, would you and Mrs Grey like some breakfast, though it is nearly lunch time? I could do you lunch for you both, if you would like something, anything? Mrs Grey, would you like something to eat? I have made a bottle for Master Grey." Ever the suck up, she smiles like she has been taking drugs, her bouncy pigtails and happy face makes me feels like pushing her head in the sink full of bubbles.

"He has been fed, but thank you Gretchen." I say, not wanting to sound like the shrew that is running around in my head, screaming kill the bitch, drown the cow and cut of those annoying pig tails whilst you're at it. "Did Mrs Grey not tell you, that I am now feeding our son?" Stick that in the dishwasher Gretchen, your face ain't so smiley now is it Little Miss Pigtails?

"She didn't say anything Mrs Grey. Sir, I am to remind you they both had to go into work this morning." She gave me the look; please, don't mess with the new Mama Grey.

"Yes, I know thank you Gretchen, we won't need breakfast or lunch..." He said in reply to her question, I looked at Teddy and then at Christian and back at Pigtails and she knew, we are family and god it feels like it's finally true, we are.

"Brunch, Christian, it's called brunch. Why are we not eating, I worked up quite an appetite?" I am grinning and thinking about the more with my husband, laters baby, definitely...

"We will be having food Baby, Gail has made lunch at home, where my mother and father will join us for dinner there later." My heart stopped; did I want to go back to Escala, the place I was left alone for days, that was not home, please can we not go to Aspen, New York? I would like to go anywhere, anywhere but there please. I smiled and said nothing, hell she's back; mousey Anastasia is back doing as she is told, and as Christian wants, he placed Teddy in his travel seat, and I silently scream at the submissive Ana making her way out. I don't think it will be as bad as I imagine it will be, at least I hope it is not? I guess the next step is the big one. I am going back to Escala, to his kingdom in the clouds, my nightmare place.

"Gretchen someone will be around to collect our clothes and things later, could you see they are packed?" I am sure I thanked her as I shuffled out of the front doors. "What's the matter Ana, you look kind of pale are you okay Baby?"

"What, yes I am, sorry did I space out there? I must be in need of some sustenance. Hey are theses new cars?" I change the subject and smile.

"Yes, they were changed yearly; the model is the new version of the old one, if nothing else the additions seem to improve yearly. Your car was never found Baby, so we will get you a new one if you want one?" I want a flame red Ferrari, if I'm going to be the shallow submissive wife, I am going to be doing it in style, in a bright fire truck red Ferrari with a child seat, way to go you hot deluded Mama...

"No, no I am okay. I think I would like to be driven for now, besides I sort of got out of the habit of driving, as I didn't do a lot of driving in England, I loved their buses and walking, I did a lot of that, walking."

"Ana, that's okay, but you love to drive yourself; we fought about your need for independence all the time."

"I had a baby not a lobotomy Christian, I do remember, but for now I don't want a car like I had before, I want to choose my own when the time is right. Maybe a small compact car, anyway that's the least of my worries at the moment. Christian, my boobs are leaking and I am wet." He laughed as I looked at the ever expanding rings on my silk shirt. Bugger and blast it, if he laughs I will, as old Alice my elderly kind neighbour says, deck the bugger... He looked down and sort of gawped. I looked down and had it been red and blood I would have looked like I had been massacred, is this normal? Taylor was driving us home and he smiled.

"Ma'am, my wife had the same problem, its normal Ana. Sir, there are tissues in the glove department. Place them on the source of the stain Ana..." I smiled looked suitably embarrassed and padded them in my bra. "I believe they do things for that Ma'am, I will have Samantha go and do some shopping, for your more personal things Ma'am." Is there anything this man does not know, thank god for Taylor and I slap Christian as he grins?

"Taylor, remember it's Ana, please call me Ana. Thank you, all this is new to me I guess I will learn this mom thing?" He smiled and we took the road to the sound house. "Christian, we are going to the new house? Really, is it finished?"

"Questions, questions, wait and see Mrs Grey. How is my baby's food source?"

"In plentiful supply, so I guess we will be okay in that department. How embarrassing was that?"

"Not at all Ana, I found it to be quite amusing; your pink cheeks were a reminder of good times."

"You didn't go there really, did you?"

"Yup, I did, here we are Ana, we're home, Teddy we're home son."

C Pov:

As we pull through the gates and our cars ride up the road, I take in the beauty of Ana's face as she sees the home she wanted, finished and I hope it is what she wanted. The teams have worked wonders getting it ready. I have yet to walk through, but Taylor has said it is beautiful, I didn't think, I had hoped, but never thought for one minute we would be taking our son home, I never thought the day would come that I would want a child, but as soon as I sobered up and realised what I had asked Ana to do, I realised, I thought, that it was too late, that I would never get to say I was sorry and the biggest ass in the world. I never thought she would be back and with our child, but they are and the proof of it, my miracle is sleeping in his chair and I am feeling truly blessed.

"Christian, its, its, it's beautiful, so beautiful."

"You like it?"

"No, no I love it. Is it finished inside? I mean is this the home we are going to be sleeping in tonight?"

"Yes Baby, why, where did you think we were stopping?"

"Escala, I thought we were going there."

"No, that place holds nothing but bad memories for me Baby, for you more I would have thought? No, this is home now and our fresh start and our do over." I help Ana from the car, and as I did, I swept her into my arms and carried her over the threshold. Taylor grinned as he released Teddy's seat from the car and carried him in behind us. We were quite the little family. I open the door and I look into Ana's eyes. "Welcome home Mrs Grey, Master Grey... What do you think?"

"Christian, wow, I mean oh lord, I may not like Gia, but heck she is good at the job you pay her to do and she listened to everything I wanted, including I hope leaving you alone. Put me down, please can I, what am I thinking I can do anything I want, wow. I love it, love it, Christian, thank you, I love it." I guess my wife loves it? I will however, ignore the comment about Gia, for now...

"Sir, we have a problem, can you and Taylor please come to the security suite ASAP, because we are in conference with Barney and the others, something big has happened. Taylor, Mr Grey, this is serious."

"Go Christian, we will explore all this together later, in the mean time, I am going to see Gail, is she in the kitchen Taylor?"

"She is Ana, but Mr Grey would like you to sit in all the talks, so you do not miss anything." Poor Taylor, he has been so pissed at the old bad me and doesn't want him back, he really is making sure I don't fuck up.

"Yes Ana, please sit in, so I don't have to explain it again and I can get your opinion too."

"Christian, I need to you know, feed our son, he won't wait and it seems, neither will the meeting? Please go and I trust you can fill me in later, Gail, Gail..." She eyes her boobs and I grin like the pervy moron that I seem to have become, she shouts for Gail, who sneaks in for a look at her new charge. She and Ana still seem to have that connection they had before, I did the messing up thing and here I go again, dwelling on the damned past, even though Ana has told me to move on, I can't, because I think I need her to scream and yell at me, I seem to want to be punished for my stupidity, like she did when she flew into my office and announced her arrival back in my life, it seems I need to talk to John.

"Ana, I am so happy to see you, so happy. You look wonderful, here Jason, give me the little man, is he ready for a feed?" Gail takes him from Taylor.

"He is, unfortunately, I am the only one who can feed him though, Gail I am sorry, but I have no bottles ready for him. Christian, I'll sit with Gail. Is the library ready and how I asked for it to be?"

"Ana it is perfect, it has everything for your comfort and security in there, would you like a pot of your usual tea?" I stare and am so thankful for Gail.

"Yes please Gail, go and see to the emergency Christian, and then we can have our tour. Taylor can you take Christian to his meeting?"

"Yes, of course. Sir this way...?"

"I'm coming, and if you need anything, call. See you in a moment Baby, our son needs feeding woman..."

"I will, go, go now." I head off...

Ana's POV:

Every time I hear that my heart flips, and this from the man who less than a year ago, professed to saying he hadn't got a heart. How wrong was he? How right was I to have faith, something perhaps I hadn't got a lot of in myself, I had an endless supply of doubts and an inability to believe I was capable of doing this mom thing right, also in trusting that what Christian tells me is the truth, having some semblance of self worth would be ace right now. Then I wonder if Charlie is going to be able to help me? I mean, it's going to be hard, because hell, I nearly caved into going back to a place I hated, just to please Christian, god damn it I am screwed, and not in a Christian Grey way, in an oh Ana what have you done way, help me please I have lost the plot, my thoughts are brought to the here and the now, when a certain Grey baby, decides he needs what he can smell through my ruined silk blouse.

He paws at my breast and gets rather edgy, please little screamer, give your silly new mommy a minute. I take out my breast clean it quickly with the bagged face cloth and smile, just as Master Grey looks set to bust a gut and an ear drum, his little hands grab at my boob and he is like his damned father and latches on and I am hit with the soothing chugs and gasps for air, eventually he settles and I relax, as the pull he has is strong for a newbie boob baby is amazingly strong and still feels very weird. Gail sets the tea down and smiles as she hands me a clean top, I helped free from the soaked thing and she smiles again.

"Ana, if you give me everything I will have them washed and returned, I will leave you to it."

"Thank you Gail, Taylor had to witness the mess, he's quite the cool hand type of a man isn't he?"

"He will sleep better knowing you are under his care again, we have had a fractious few months and Mr Grey has been a handful, but I am sure that's none of my business?"

"You are a second mother to him, so it sort of your business, you care, that much is obvious and yes, he needs you and Jason, he knows, if you didn't care you would have left, he knows that and I know he thinks the world of you and Jason. Thank you Gail, we will catch up later, we have plenty of time, my world for the time being is Teddy, this place and of course Christian."

"If you need anything call me, I will bring you in some food, it seems the meeting may take some time."

"Thanks Gail." She shuts the door and I strip myself from the messy crap, it seems I am a milk making momma, if the sodden remnants of what I take off is anything to go by. I settle my crabby son, who did not like being kept away from lunch. I wind him as I put on the loose shirt Gail brought me, I am multi tasking and then shock horror, it is then I notice how loose it seems, it covers my son perfectly and hides him feeding. I can't be skinnier now than I was before I had him surely, this s wrong. Yes, it seems I am, because it is definitely my shirt. Fuck Gail needs to feed me her food, lots of it and often...

C POV:

I have to hope this is a damned emergency; I wanted to do the tour with my family, my family, my wife and son. I get a little light headed, a head rush thing, hearing the words my son, my wife and my family, I stop and take in a deep breath, if only to stop the head rush that she is back and we are together again, god help me if I wake and this is a drunken dream I am having... We are in the Taylor's office and the gang it seems are all here, either in person, or in virtual space.

"Sir, over night we have had a major breakthrough, we have found him and he has a visitor, which is how we found him, I mean them." I stare at Barney and I am confused, who have they found and where are they?

"Who are they Barney?" Taylor asks before I can, "and who Barney, before I throttle you..."

"Welch, of course, and he has a friend with him, and it seems one who is known to us, one Jack Hyde. He has been on our most wanted list for a while, since the then Miss Steele identified him as the intruder at Grey House; he was, it seems, helped many times by Welch. Hyde gained, with his help: He had access to your work, to your travel itineraries and got him the codes for both the apartments and your aircraft hanger. He has been hiding in one of Welch's apartments here in Seattle, and right under your nose sir, two floors down in Escala..." Fuck me, this is a nightmare, I am still drinking and Ana is still missing, yep this is a nightmare, I feel sick and as Taylor grabs my side, he pinches me and pats my back, what the fuck?

"Breathe in deeply, you are okay Sir, Christian pull it together she is here, she is safe, now breathe in and out and deeply, you are having a panic attack Sir..." I steady myself and thank him, as ever he is here for me. He stands by me as I recover from my stress thing. Thank god for Taylor and his ability to see me have these crushing times, they should get better once I know Ana and Teddy are safe. I hope they do, I need to speak to John and get a boost of his wisdom. My expensive charlatan and Taylor have got me through some tough months... I remember Jack, I remember Welch and get angry, the fuckers have been found...

"He what, he was in on the crash, everything, he wasn't helping to find the intruder, he was helping him in my death. He was supposed to be looking out for me, for my family, he..." I start to hyperventilate again as the anger rises. Taylor calms me down as I pace and get angrier by the minute. "If he wants a war, he has one. Where is he Barney and more importantly, can we get him, I mean to get them both back here? I want them found they need to pay. Get your friend to stop his money Barney the Dragon Woman, Taylor, anything you need, anyone you have to hire to keep Ana and Teddy safe, do it, buy it, price is not an object. I want them kept ultra safe. I want him to pay and I want... Fuck, I need to keep Ana safe. Teddy, my family they are all at risk, I need them all here under this roof, at least until this is over, someone please get Kate here as soon as possible, she is going to have the biggest scoop of her life and its going live. He can't blackmail me, if it's already out there."

"Sir, please sit down and drink this, keep calm and breathe deeply, calm, keep calm, your family are going to be kept safe, they are all on route as we speak including Katherine Kavagnah, as are your grandparents and Raymond Steele, Sir..." I take the glass of Taylor's emergency brandy and sit, the warm liquid hits the back of my throat and I feel lightheaded. My world was in turmoil without her but having her here is way more tumultuous than it was before, but here she is. Thank god...

On my own this would not be a problem, I am just me, but now I have more to lose, I have my own family. I hold the glass so tightly that it seems to crush in my hand. I know there are people running around, but I am in a daze. Why are they doing this to me? Why did, when did, how did nobody see Welch and Hyde as co-conspirators? What am I thinking about; of course, Welch must have hidden his crap too and helped him hide right under my roof. I look down and see the blood and wonder whose it is, who in the hell bled out on my brand new floors? I look down and see my hand has been bandaged and it is throbbing, okay, it was my blood. Fuck...

"Where is he Barney? Find me the fucker and what is this?" I wave my hand and look for answers.

"Sir, they are on Maia's Island, it is a private island, situated in Angra dos Reis Bay in the state of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. It was bought six months ago, by a retired hedge fund guy, one Ethan Samuels, Bradley Welch, it seems is now called Ethan Samuels, this Ethan Samuels paid twelve million US for his hideaway, there is a ramshackle back history on the Samuels persona he has invented, nothing older than a year old, but it seems to be being improved upon daily, my theory is that he is writing his own back history daily, he was perhaps too rushed and wasn't ready to go with the new him.

Jack Hyde lead us to him, when he stopped over in Mexico and had to show his passport when crossing the border into Argentina, which was odd, because he didn't use it at the American Mexican boarders, he must have walked there too as there are no travel records, he fell off the grid months ago. It seems too coincidental, that we have nothing in months and then it all starts to fall into place, with him using his passport, why not use a fake passport is it even him, or are we being set up?

I think, he is being used, even if we are not. I am betting Welch wants us to catch Jack and then I have to ask if he is he being the used as the sacrificial lamb? Give me a second, I need to hack into the feed at the crossing he used, give me a minute to... Yes, I know Marci, I am checking that now and running the new facial recognition software, give me a minute and its coming, it's a positive match, he has shorter hair, no earring, he is wearing glasses and seems to have lost weight. Give him a goatee beard and that crooked tooth, and he could be Welch."

"Barney to earth, so is it Jack Hyde, or is it a doppelganger?"

"Yes sir, it is Jack Hyde. Marci, she's figured he would have had to buy the island whilst Mrs Grey was away in England, he must have been planning to use this as his bolt hole, it will have taken him that long to get the paperwork together. She'd searched the dark web for islands that have sold in the last six months and three had been sold in Mexico and two in Argentina. Maia's Island is the only one inhabited by someone, who didn't really exist until a year ago. He has bank accounts opened and we have done a trace on those. His spending habits are the same, and so we have been able to confirm to a 99% degree of certainty this guy on the island is Bradley Welch."

Barney is the right guy for the job; he is so different being his own boss, my mistake for not seeing this sooner. I am watching the feeds and the beanie girl, is clicking away at her keyboard and Barney looks over and he looks so goofy, he is enamoured by beanie girl.

"Sir, there is a sea plane leaving the island in three days, who will be on it is a mystery. The reason for us calling you in Sir, Welch has contracted a finder, an organiser or if you will a facilitator, who for ten million dollars, yes that's the payment offered for a package needed bringing the island, an island where coincidentally, a boat load of nursery equipment was bought from Baby Earth, yet this Ethan Samuels has no children, no family and has not put any adoption papers in, in any country.

He also purchased through a non exist ant company credit card, clothes for both a young woman and a baby boy from Neman Marcus, this Samuels guy has spent a fortune. Which is what we have chased, following the money trail, we found the card purchases and they are all coming from a new bank account held in Argentina, funds to set up this account had been transferred from a coin account, coincidentally Welch transferred his other money into coins when we started closing down his other accounts. From other chatter, now we know where we are looking, we have found there is a possible bounty on your head too."

"How, I mean he wants my wife and son and then me dead why? Taylor..." Then the beanie wearing girl looks up from her computer screen and smiles, thumps Barney and tells him to hush...

"Mr Grey Sir, calm down, please? Barney had not finished, he takes too long on his presentations. I managed to shut down the accounts where he had the money stored to pay for all this supposed hit, it's sort of a holding bank for these types of transitions, this Welch/Samuels is a dinosaur and hasn't got the skill set to go deep in to the dark web, he has danced on the edges, but he has never been a great hacker, Barney did most of it for him and he's pretty good, but even he has his limitations, though he knows when to ask for help."Wow, she is very knowledgeable, but am I putting all my faith in a young girl, will she even be able to keep my family safe from these two morons, and the others they are seeking to employ?

"I'm busy de-tangling his fake identifications and deleting his back memory, pretty soon there will be no Ethan Samuels and by days end he will have little or no money, his trail is easy to follow and shut down, so I will have made sure he has no money to transfer from any account that we know of, into coins, the only coin that this finder uses, because it is virtually impossible to trace once it has been placed in the coin account, you can only hope they take out what they put in and do it that way. I have let certain people know the island was illegally bought, and paid them well to delay his paperwork, and in fact to look at deporting him as a vagrant, he won't have the minimum monthly allowances to keep him there on an island and he will not be able to prove he bought. Which he did using stolen money from your Finding Ana Fund, money I have traced easily enough to prove it was the money supposedly paid to this mystery detective, one Ethan Samuels. It seems he used it to set himself up down there. He also purchased a luxury yacht too. That was interestingly purchased by one Elena Lincoln, as a thank you to him for services he rendered to her. She had him doing her searches and hiding her money from Esclava and they both profited from their insider knowledge of GEH."

"Wow, I mean how can we get them? Why is this just coming to light now?" She is very good at her fact finding.

"Oh I could have traced him, but you told us to leave it, Mrs Grey said yesterday to search him out, so I called upon my many friends and yes, they are everywhere, I tap these keys and the world, whether it is here, there, on the dark web, on the World Wide Web or any place in between and I can call on them to help me. I have called a friend, and he knows a friend, who called a friend, well to cut a long story in half, they have managed to change the pilot who was supposed to be doing the picking of the mystery passenger up. It cost me a few favours and you a few dollars, but we have secured the job. Where we drop them off is up to you Sir, there is a lot of sea between there and here."

"I want to know who gets on before I decide on the punishment for them. Money how are you coming on clawing everything back? I want him without a dime to his name. I need all the protection I can get for my family too Taylor, use your contacts please, they need extra protection?" He nods and makes some calls.

"He may have accounts in other names, but I have shut or I am shutting them down as I find them. I have also called in a favour on the security front, I know someone, who is a specialist in these areas, he has had years of being the best of the best at securities and keeping people safe, either in keeping people in or others out and you have already done a search on him, or rather I did the search, he is called Trent Ward. He is an expert in prison surveillance and though I should not know this, but I may have an in with the FBI and the CIA, using this in, I found out he has worked for the FBI, he has set up many of their Black Sites." Good catch Beanie Girl... I had said the same thing of Mr Ward and Taylor knew of him too, what a result.

"Okay, I am in mergers, acquisitions, telecommunications, ship building, transportation, property and financing, not all this magic disappearing dark, light, white and black hat crap, and please take no offence but that deep web thing is way above my understanding, so I am leaving all that to you well paid experts." I look around and see people talking, others tapping away on screen and I swear, I feel like the king of the world, but I am a clueless king were the ugly web is concerned...

"None taken Sir, I am good at what I do, and I am sending you my file, I have the feeling you have some concerns Sir?"

"No, because Barney knows what my family mean to me, and if he trusts you I do, but can I ask how old are you, I mean have you even left high school?" She laughs, takes off her beanie hat and stands, her hair flares around her shoulders and wow she looks different, she then takes out her driving licence and grins...

"Don't worry about it, I get asked for ID all the time, I am twenty two and consider old in this world. I am thankful for youthful genes from my mother and father, you know them too, I believe my mother has recently had a lot of contact with Mrs Grey. My real name is Marcella Ward, Dragon Master on the web, Marci to my friends; I am the only daughter of Charlotte and Trent Ward. Pleased to meet you Mr Grey, Sir..." Okay then, that I didn't see coming, I am going to have to get my head in the game and not keep fawning over my wife and son. Taylor smiles, okay you fucker I guess you did know this all along? He nods, okay do I sack him for fun?

"Right, get me photos, using whatever means you can, pay whoever has a satellite over there to help scan the damned island. If we can, I mean I saw it in a film once, they do, do that crap in real time don't they?"

"Yes, and we are on it Sir, I asked a favour from my dad, he said he owed you one. He also asked me to tell you my uncle has been taken care of, thank you." I smiled; it seems it's good to do good without being asked, even if I really wanted to use it as a 'get into see Ana card'. I am told to go and see to my family, I give Taylor free range to get those bastards, however I have a thought, and as I leave the room I turn.

"See what the connection is between Welch and Hyde, and see what he did for that shrew. Thank you."

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I am not sure how the coin works its way above me, lol but it is the hard thing to trace. I hope the tecno crap is right I am a computer moron and google only helps so much lol read review and get back so I can put things right.. xxx


	14. Chapter 14

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters:

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I am not a techno nerd, so sing out if I get it totally wrong,

Google & I fall out a lot whilst doing research...

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Chapter 14: The Toys Men Need:

Ana's POV:

As I finished feeding my greedy little man, someone knocks and I then hear the key pad being used and the door opens. It seems this room is a secure room and possibly soundproofed as it sounds very muffled though I did hear the knock and the key pad, so there are no steel reinforced doors then? I will not mention that, because they would be in the next day. I have all his high tech crap to get used to I guess, but I have learned he over does his and our safety, and I should be glad he does, losing Teddy would kill me, now I realise I do love the little chugger, speaking of the prince, he has finished feeding and he looks like a drunk at a free bar, with a happy to be full look about him, cute, I have managed again, way to go Ana. I wipe myself and right my shirts, Christian smiles as I hand him his son for the good part, his diaper stinks and god knows how much alien gunk is in there?

"Thank you dear, come to Daddy, have you finished your lunch little man?"

"He has, he had a half an hour on each and grins like a moron when he chugs, he learnt from the best. Now, where do we change our monster feeder?"

"In his nursery of course, and yes I had them change a guest room, if it is not to your taste Baby we can throw him in the bottom drawer in our room?"

"What, he needs a crib in our room, by my side, he needs to be with us for a while and I need to..." I get very jumpy and loud, he is not sleeping alone, not yet anyway.

"...Calm down. That is what you need to do. Ana, it was a joke, the drawer thing at least. God you are very jumpy and you second guess yourself a lot, stop it Ana, you are strong and you are feisty, you are proving yourself wrong on so many levels, stop it, you are an excellent mother, when you get your sleep and help. You even knew I was up to this amazing parenting thing and you sussed Elena perfectly, when the moron before you did not, now we have a house to see and a nursery, which I am told is beautiful and fit for our prince. Come and see it, god your boobs need draining again, really are they supposed to do that?" I look down and blood and sand, the boobs have erupted their sweet smelling liquid, again. For the love of Mike, I need a milk maid hat, for I am but a milk giving cow now, oh god will I ever get used to this?

"This is not right; I mean, I have nothing for over a month and then whammy suddenly I have enough to feed several children."

"Lucky Teddy, I may be able to help with the problem, when you know, you have expressed enough for we mere mortals to feed him? He's very ripe Baby, I swear the bottled soya crap hummed, but your milk is hummier."Did he mean what I thought he meant, when he winked his eye and if he did, he's taking kink to the next level?

"I think you will find that is not in the dictionary Christian, hummier."

"Umm, it should be, he stinks."

We walk up an amazing set of new wooden, bleached white wooded staircase; it is very elegant. The stairs were overlooked when I first came here. They now fit with the house perfectly, the entrance hall is framed by this, the most beautiful large spiraling stairway and it is enhanced by a lush carpet of gray and black, the white of the walls, though austere and cold, are warmed by flashes of colour in the framed pictures that adorn their walls. There are photos of the wedding, our engagement, our honeymoon and thrown in there, there are several of the photos that Welch, I presume, had taken of Teddy and I. I am mad, but happy too, because Christian has at least some pictures of our son's first month. I gawp like a moron at the canvas at the top of the stairs, how the hell...

"Mom took it when we were sleeping, this morning, you had just fed Teddy and he was asleep on your chest and I fell asleep holding you, it was a rush job, but I liked the snap and Taylor worked his magic and had it printed off on the giant canvas, you can't see anything naughty. I was annoyed when Mom sent it me, but happy now it's here and up. We can take it down if you hate it Ana, this is your home too you know? Mom snuck in for a kiss before she left for work. Only we were all sleeping and she said we were so adorable."

"Okay, that is not weird at all, that we were papped by my mother in law and thank god its tasteful, because my baps could have been out for your mom to snap at too."

"Baps...?" He says with a look of confusion on his face.

"It's English for boobs Christian, that's all. I love the canvas, it can stay because I like it and it is our first photograph together as a family." He smiles that panty wetting smile and we head into what was always in my head, going to be our children's first room, our homes nursery, right next to our room. He keyed in a code and scanned his fucking finger, okay the Prince is to live in a prison, why is this, has there been threats against Teddy? I shiver and then he sees that I am worried, his free arm pulls me to him and he shushes me.

"It won't be like this forever, but he and you are priceless to me Ana, bear with this for a while, we need to talk and I wanted you to be happy before we did so, okay?"

"Okay, can I not get in then?" He laughed. "Christian I am serious."

"Of course you can, Barney and Marci will see to it. Marci is the new kid on the block and our new find, a reformed black hat hacker, now in gainful employment with GEH."

"Okay then, I guess the only way to beat Welch is get someone younger and better in, so why are you grinning?"

"Marci is Doctor Charlotte's only child, she works for us. I was shocked but not surprised. Her father has some powerful friends too. He paid forward a good dead I did and got us a lot of info, but we are doing the tour first and then talking about my talk and our revised plans."

"Okay, wow I mean I never went into personal details with them. Did she find us or did you find her?"

"She is Barney's friend and yes, we have done our checks and she is who she says she is and as far as we are aware is the best in her field. I am at a loss as to the nature of their game and yes poor Barney tried to explain, however know this, what she has found out will blow your mind, Now close your eyes for room one of many..." I close my eyes and I hear a door open and my bare feet are suddenly sinking into a carpet; my achy feet are hit with the utterly lush feeling of walking on warm fluffy cotton, like cotton wool. It is bouncy and soft, it is very lush.

"Wow, is this an angora carpet, are you mad, it will get ruined oh god it's lush, so lush?" My feet grab at its softness and my toes feel loved.

"It is a lamb's wool, alpaca and angora mix, treated and remember we have Gail, the queen of clean? Open your eyes and see."

"I, I, I love it, oh Christian this furniture has been made by Daddy hasn't it?"

"It is, they were what we designed the nursery around, and it's pretty damned soft and relaxing. They did well, Gia was not solely responsible for this room, this was Mia and Mom's idea for Teddy, soft light and airy and pained blue of course and filled with clouds, if you hate it we can change it Baby?"

"Why, this is just too beautiful for words, oh Teddy, this is your room."

"He is hardly able to see it Baby, he will like the crib though, his Gramps put a lot of hours into getting it ready, he knew you were still having him, he never questioned that you would even contemplate doing as I ordered."

"He knows me well; he has had years to get to know me. Christian this is so beautiful." I ran to the wardrobes and as I opened the many doors, I am astounded by my son's designer closets and the contents. "Way too much, he has way, way too much; he will never wear half of it, really Mia or Grace?"

"Me..."

"Oh, okay then. What's saying we agree he is in no need of anything in the clothing department?"

"Okay, I liked shopping for him, I did it all myself on line, during the first night we, sorry I had him to myself, I stared at him for hours and well went a little crazy in their baby department, a little 'over enthused, it's amazing what you can get, men's clothes, but for a baby, I nearly ordered him a fuc... A beautiful Baby Armani suit, but he pukes too much." He indeed is enthused, and mindful of his use of the F-Word...

"Just a little, is an understatement, now change him, he's not sleeping in that crib in a shitty diaper. Change him please, whilst I explore his room. Did I tell you I love you? 'Cos I do, I really do?"

"I love you too and you too, you stinky baby, Daddy loves you even though you stink of poop..." He sets Teddy down on a table I know my father has made, though I strongly think Grace is responsible for the softness of the mat and the drapes on it, all his things are adorned in very cute white and blue cotton embroidered teddy bears, the whole room looks like our son has every Teddy Bear imaginable. I open drawers and more cupboards, all the toys and books he has, would keep a whole orphanage going for years. I smile and decide to donate the exact same amount of things to one in Teddy's name; because to give away the things his daddy got him would be a bad thing to do.

"Here he is, all clean and still sleeping, does your mom juice have a sedative in it, your baby is snoring a cute snore, just like you have Ana?"

"I do not snore, don't start..." He smiles as we place Teddy in his crib. Christian presses a few buttons and the drapes close and the whole room is awash with stars and soft music. I also see a camera and an intercom.

"State of the art baby monitoring, it does everything, it listens out for him, and monitors his heart, his breathing and any all movement in the room is filmed, there are sensors under the carpet, which triggers hidden cameras, the obvious ones are obvious for a reason, its the ones you can't see that do the job. The doors and windows are triple thick and bullet proof, all secured by independent alarms and Baby; yes, yes it is necessary until we have Welch and Hyde..." Who... He was back... Jack Hyde was back, for the love of god have we not got enough wacko's in our life that we are adding in more? All I need now is the dance of the fifteen others, to do a show and tell for Teddy in the main room and I will officially flip...

"Ana, stop shaking, I have over done the security rather than skimp, he has Luke as his one on one, and he takes Teddy's security seriously, and I might add, he threatened to Bobbitt me, you know if I hurt you? As you employed the fucker, I couldn't sack him and he got great satisfaction from telling me so too. Now, stop worrying, he sleeps, so you should rest too." I am about to protest when I see the look, okay, his type of rest is the no sleep kind. However, we have some talking to do first... We head through the connecting door to our suite and again, I am floored by how elegant and how beautiful the room is. The bed is the biggest one I have seen, I'm then drawn to the views and to the windows that frame the waters of the Puget Sound, the waters make their own way onto our property and I see a decking area that wasn't there before, a landing jetty. I do wonder if the Grace can fit in here?

"Christian, this is all too perfect and I love it."

"Check out the closet Baby. I had noticed you were wearing your old clothes, why, because I had Caroline send you some new things over? Gail has placed them in our closet. You left all your clothes and they are here too, obviously, because you're wearing an older shirt."

"You knew it was an old blouse, how did you know?"

"Baby, I have spent hours in there, grasping for your smell on anything and everything. I slept in your closet, rolled in sheets and well, dreamed you were still here."

"Oh, I didn't take much of anything. Right enough of shoulda-coulda-woulda's... I was thinking earlier that I had to get better fitting clothes too." I walk towards the pointy finger of a smiling husband and as I open the door, I see row upon row of dresses and stuff... "Wow, I mean wow, this is amazing. I only needed some pj's." I looked around and it hit me, this was too much, the clothes were nice yes, but as I ran the row upon row of clothes there was just something not right, it seemed staged, no, it seemed like this was not bought for me at all? I mean, I don't know what I mean, but he has overwhelmed me again... Gail brought me a blouse I once loved to wear, one she knew what I was comfortable in, but why did these seem so, I don't know, like they had bought them for someone else, yes someone else? God I am not making sense and as I run the rails I realise what it is, these clothes do fit me, perfectly, and that's the problem, nobody well apart from Grace, nobody had seen my emaciated body, and until yesterday that included Christian, yet here I am in a closet that has taken four of five days to put together and organise and everything is perfect how is that possible? I feel eyes watching me, and my paranoia sets in again, I'd think the apartment in Yorkshire had a ghost in residence and my feelings are the same here. Oh hell...

"I was hoping for the naked look." I grab Christian and lead him downstairs. "I'm sorry, are we not catching up Ana?"

"Okay, that works too, I will get naked when you have answered some questions. Like, how in the hell did you know what size of clothes to, to you know to get me? I mean, I have lost weight, a lot of weight, but these seem tailor made for me now. Christian, the clothes I had are too big, but these are perfect, how did you manage that?" He looks like I am going mad and losing the plot, but as soon as I saw the neat and overly organised wardrobes, I felt odd being in there. Gail did a good job at making my closets look nice, but this was professionally arranged, Kate pays enough to have hers looking top line and like a shop, this is the same, exactly the same...

"I didn't, I just asked Caroline to send you a whole new wardrobe of this season's clothes and accessories. Why are they horrid or too big, I forgot to tell her you had lost weight? Why are you and I out here and not getting some 'rest'? Ana you're worrying me, are you feeling like you did before?"

"No please let me explain my uneasiness, I may be mad, but I don't think so. My 'problem' is a little bit silly, so indulge me, please?" He nods. "I tried on a blouse when feeding Teddy and it was way too big, but these, these are all a perfect fit and I have not seen Caroline since the week before I ran away. So, can you explain how she knows I needed even smaller clothes now? Did you tell her they need to be smaller, and the sizes? If not ask Taylor did he give her my new sizes and there are nursing bras and all manner of things I need for pregnancy, did you tell her we'd had a child? I mean it is out there now, but when did you order this stuff. I may be being paranoid, but these clothes are perfect and yes. even to me it sounds like I am being a little paranoid, but to get them this right, she has to have seen me up close and personal, how Christian?" He calls Taylor and I pace the hallway outside Teddy's room. Obviously, he hadn't told her, crap I am bloody right.

"Taylor, did Ms Acton call you and ask for Ana's new measurements for the clothes I ordered, it's just that I only asked her to make sure Ana's wardrobes were filled for her return?"

"Sir, I presumed you had already told them of Mrs Grey's weight loss, Gail and Ms Acton have spent hours in there, colour coordinating her wardrobes. Are they ill fitting, does she not like them, I can send Gail up and we can return the items she does not want or like?"

"Get up to our closets please Taylor, now. I didn't tell her and Ana hasn't seen her since she before we went on honeymoon and how long was she in here with Gail?"

"All afternoon, when Ms Matteo finished the rooms, Ms Acton delivered the clothes and said she was organising the closets, as a thank you for spending so much money. I never questioned it because she helps Mia and Kate organise their closets and your mothers too."

"Get Barney in here now, these are too perfect a fit for someone to get it spot on. Is she working for Welch, is she spying on us?" I say and Christian realises what I mean at last. "I am not mad, I know I sound it, but I'm not Christian."

"Sir, I will have the house scanned, it was done when Ms Matteo left and as Ms Acton arrived. The timing was perfect on Ms Acton's part, if that was her plan, it worked and she would need help, I didn't see them and I did look. Grab Teddy and come to the security suite, now Sir, Ma'am, please don't rush around in case there are more; the fucker has done it again. I am coming now; Luke and Samantha are here too."

"This is like Leila getting in Escala, Christian what did I do to upset them all? We cannot stay here. I don't need this; can we escape somewhere, anywhere, anywhere but here?"

"Where do you want to go Baby?"

"I want to see my daddy, please take me to see him now, please Christian?"

"Okay, did you hear that Taylor, we are going to stop with Ray for a few days? Can you sort this mess out?"

"Yes Sir, you are taking security with you, that is not a request Mrs Grey. They could have others working for them. I trust Prescott and Sawyer; I will have Ryan and Reynolds do the switch shift with them..."

"Oh god, I could be wrong and then I will be locked up again." I wail, as Christian holds me tight.

"No, you have a valid point, you are smaller now than you were before, Gail had said that when she gave you your blouse, that it drowned you, and that it was a good job Mr Grey had ordered you new clothes that fit you. I apologise for not picking up on it then." Gail comes to pack some clothes, for Teddy, Christian and I. I wonder what they have on Ms Acton? How much they give her to break Christian's trust? Why did she do it, did she do it or is it just me? Our clothes are put in the car and I grab Teddy's diaper bag and the box full of his bottle stuff. He needs a car just for himself and his crap...

Christian has words as I settle Teddy back in his seat and stare at our son, and I wonder why are they doing this? They will pay when we find them, you can bet every last cent of Christian's money I will. He climbs in, and he inspects the seat, fastens me in and kisses my head. I must look a mess I feel like one.

"I have called Ray and he is getting your room ready. He wants to know everything, warts and all. He is worried Baby."

"I am too, I hope it is me being paranoid, I really do, I mean I just felt uneasy in there and given that sick F.U.C.K. had cameras on me before, ones we did not see in Escala, I may be over reacting."

I cussed, heck like Teddy can understand me, but he has gone from hearing the pleasing words of long dead poets, the romantic words of Hardy and Bronte, to Ana the queen of mean and bitch of the back stabbing and the princess of paranoia in the past month, so I am trying to curb the swearing, something totally lost on Christian.

"No, no Baby you are not Taylor found tiny cameras all over the closet. He is mad he missed them. I am mad I did not have her checked again. For now, everyone is being re-vetted and Barney is delving into her personal life, to see how she is involved with Welch."

"Or Hyde, he did see me shopping in there and Caroline was helping me, she was nice to me too, I went loads of times to see her with Mia, Kate and Grace. He even witnessed me and Elena having words. This is like Leila getting in Escala, Christian what did I do to upset them all?"

"I'm sorry Ana, I should have changed shoppers, hell I should change stores, you need to shop on line for the things you need, at least for a while."

"Okay and leave a crumb trail for Welch to follow, no thanks? It's good old cash and the local shops for me. It is not like we are doing any lunches and dinners yet. Your parents were coming, crap, Kate and the interview..."

"Ray is doing her room too, she and Elliot are coming to see you and Teddy, then Mom and Dad will come down at the weekend and I have scheduled Charlotte to Skype you tonight too."

"Wow, you work fast Mr Grey..."

"I have my ways Mrs Grey. Now, we have to discuss the security threats and what we found out today, are you ready to kill a couple of hours?" I nod as I settle in, our beloved son is getting in the way of me being on his daddies lap and watching the world go by as he talks... We get to the nitty gritty and he tells me everything and asks my opinions, all I can say is can we not Napalm the island, and say it was infected with cockroaches or a plague of locusts? He laughs and as he does, we talk we hug and we Teddy watch for the rest of the journey, then I see Teddy is waking and hope to god he does not need feeding. I have only a small amount expressed. He thankfully is entertained by Christian, Teddy coos as his father's giant hands play with the tiny little fingers Teddy has.

"He's amazing Baby. I love that he has everything just in miniature. Opps, is that your Dad pacing his porch?" I look up and see my dad, god he looks angry and I expect a rocket up my butt and plenty of cussing to take place any second... We get out of the car and just as Ray begins his rant, Christian finds a comforter and passes it to Ray; thank god, because Teddy stops my dad from shaking me senseless and shouting. Wow, I must learn to use my son as a shield for good...

"Come in, come in, guys you're out back in the Winnebago. It's all set up for security, Samantha, you're in the study, there's a comfy pull out in there. I don't suppose you want to share with three hairy men?" She smiles and dad looks very, I don't know, like he expected a visit, I look at Christian, I have a feeling warts and all have already been discussed, and when did dad get a bloody Winnebago and why, is he off travelling? I then notice a SUV, Christian has been gifting again...

"Dad, what Winnebago and that's a nice car."

"It is; you got it me for my birthday you missed. I think I have Christian to thank for it, the pipe and slippers you sent and the Kendal Mint Cake you sent me, were nice too, when they arrived a week after my birthday..."

"You got a birthday gift Ray, I am hurt Ana, really hurt..."

"Shut up, I got you tea, lots of tea, Earl Grey I will have you know, from Taylor's of Harrogate it is amazing. They make the most wonderful blends of it."

"I drink coffee." He sulks...

"Well dear, tea would make you calmer. Just saying, you need some calm in your life, now we have the added worry, so Daddy, explain the snazzy new monster truck in the back?"

"Your man here, he had it delivered for the security guy I have with me, Chris here wanted to build out and add in a security suite and a couple of rooms, when I said no, that appeared, if I read the bumf right, it's the top of the range, and at half a million dollars is worth more than my home here. Still, it will be good for taking the Tedster fishing in, won't it little man, so how are you baby?" I am about to answer when he blows raspberries into his tiny hands. Apparently, he was talking to Teddy!

"Ray, we need to talk." Christian says to my father.

"Sounds like a plan, I have food on the go, your rooms are ready and there's a crib for the big chap in there too, he needs it for sleepovers with Gramps, don't you Teddy? Have you rang your mother Annie, she is spitting feathers you are back and we didn't tell her."

"I did tell her, I left a message I was back, is it my fault Bob is on a golfing holiday and she can't be bothered checking her machine and coming down? I am not running around after her, when I have my own worries, which are a lot more and a lot bigger fish than Carla Mae to worry about. Daddy, I am sorry..."

"So you should be, now get inside, this boy thinks he is getting a feed from me, that's not happening son..."

"Yeah well, I have to feed him, I will go to my room and do it, whilst I do Christian can explain, we can eat and talk when he is sorted out. He comes first or the screaming will kill your ears Daddy."

"Go, go and see to him I did hear the racket he makes when he needs feeding, we had a pleasant afternoon bonding..." I smile take Teddy and as I do he leans down kisses Teddy and then places a soft kiss on my head. "You should have never run Annie, but I think I understand why, but I am happy you're back, now this lug can take the trace off my phone. My guy has a few days off; he is going fishing with Joe." So, even my father has cover, and he is a retired marine and is accepting security, so I guess this is as serious as it gets? I smile and head to my room, with the cranky and hungry Teddy, wow he is a sleeping, eating and pooping machine...

C POV:

As Ana and Teddy leave I sigh, well here goes explaining the sorry tale again, though from Ray's demeanour, I guess his security guy had informed him of the situation, and I do know he and Taylor have frequent catch ups all the time.

"So, they are getting closer, or so Boyd tells me? Taylor rang, told me they have spies everywhere, even your dress lady?"

"It seems everyone has a price, when I find out what Ms Acton's was she will be sorry, very sorry. Ana and I trusted her, she has been on my payroll and earned a great deal of commission from me, and I for one want to know why. Taylor was paying her a visit when we left."

"He said she was in the wind, I guess who ever is behind her spying game had the good grace to tell her to run?"

"I am waiting for Barney to uncover who is involved and why, yes. He has an excellent team in place."

"I know, I like the man, he rang a couple of times a week, to see if she had sent more things and even came down to set this place up to keep me safe and to run traces for her contacting me. Some of it Taylor tells me he didn't even tell that guy Welch about, is that right?"

"He didn't trust Welch and now we know why." I take a call.

"Taylor, what news have you for me?"

"Sir, place me on speaker, is the major there?" I do as I am asked. "Please keep calm, the team have landed on the island, we are now monitoring the situation, there is no getting on or off the island that we have not got covered, Marci has hacked his security with ease and has doctored the feeds to the island, he is paranoid about something, that much we have already gleaned. He and his brother, well half brother, are unaware we are there. We have a thorough background on the brothers now; I have sent you the report." I read as Taylor outlines the damned thing.

"Jack Hyde, was born in Detroit, and you have met him before, the Little Bird comment in the kidnap letter we found on his attempted raid in Escala, well with the help of your mother, I have pieced together why it was used. When Jack's alcoholic mother died, you and he were placed in the same foster home there, with a family called the Colliers. He was there when the Grey's came to see you, Grace remembers him well, he was very, she said disturbed, and she was especially concerned about his bullying of you. He it seems thought he was the next kid to be adopted and well it could be all this animosity is because he thinks you have the life meant for him? He was never adopted, but after an outburst at the Colliers he was passed from pillar to post, and he ended up in some awful homes, but eventually his father did seek him out, but it was many years later, in fact it was not long before he started at SIP. He and Welch have the same father, one Alan Forrester, Welch's real name is Bradley Forrester, you know who he is right, though it was before my time with you, and you had just started GEH?"

"No, remind me, did I go to school with him and took his place on the rowing team or something?" I really do not know the name, and if he was their father, he obviously didn't row with me, had I met him in a club, what?

"No, his company was the third company you bought, you ruined his father and he killed himself. His sons vowed to get even, separately, because they hate each other, Hyde is again annoyed that big brother Welch got to live a good life, whilst he was left in foster care. It turns out when his father's company started to hit the skids he got drunk and told Welch about his brother, his lost brother. Welch was already a very good computer guy and found Hyde, who was then reunited with his father and welcomed into the fold, but not for too long, because he shot himself when your company ruined his? They each have plotted your down fall separately it seems, but when you had Jack sacked, he ran to Welch for help, Welch knew who the finger print on Charlie Tango's belonged too, his brother warned him that he had failed in killing you. I have found another plot to kidnap on their emails, they had planned to grab Mia and force Ana to bring the money for ransom, unfortunately, or fortunately? Ana ran the week it was happening, Welch did not tell Hyde of his plans for Ana and well you know the rest. Apart from the fact that Hyde's co conspirator, one Elisabeth Morgan, has a sister, do you want to guess who her sister is?"

"Don't tell me Caroline Acton?"

"Yes, so now we have the story in brief and you know why they are after you, revenge. Pure and simple revenge for stupid reasons, but they are both a little weird and apparently able to hold a grudge for a while?"

"Okay, I get the ruining his father thing, but I didn't run that take over, that was Ros's big break into GEH, she did the brokering of that deal, not me. Damn it get her and Gwen extra security."

"They have had extra for a while. Gwen spotted someone following her home from the school run a few weeks ago and thought it wise to get them extra cover in."

"God she will have my balls too."

"No, she has been sent the report, she is not sure why she is getting the blame for his father's ruining of the company because it was well past saving when she acquired it. She understands you are in need of calm and wants you to know, you're to rip their balls off before she does it for you" Ray is listening and rubbing his head.

"Seems they have a few shingles missing from their roof T... So, all this is because of revenge, well they haven't seen revenge like a father protecting his child. You know that T, we dad's will kill to save our kids?" I know, I really do know how that feels now and I agree, they have to be taken down and the Napalm idea of Ana's looks like it could be a good idea, but am I above killing the two kooks in my life? No, I am sure it is the only solution, these two will not stop and my baby and my wife are all I care about, and if burning the roaches off that island is the only way to ensure their safety, then I am going to see them burn in a hell of their own making, because that looks like it is the only way to fucking deal with them...

"Taylor, who do we know down there who can take them both out today, no questions asked and in return they get the damned island and ten million to kill a few roaches?"

"Say the word son and I can call in a favour, I have friends and I am owed. I think it's time to be cashing a few favours in, don't you?" Ray grabs his phone.

"Sir, Ray, you are both a little too late for that, my teams are seeing to them as we speak, I would like a gory end for the Brothers Forrester, but I think the plane ride they are getting tomorrow will be the fitting epitaph. They will be going out in a blaze of glory. It seems they are coming to get your wife and child. They know we have found their spyware and both are coming to put their joint plan together, from what Marci discovered on Welch's computer, Jack Hyde was going to be left on the island a dead man, and Welch, Samuels or Forrester, was going to take over being his brother, one who is only a suspect in Charlie Tango incident so is free to move in and around Seattle, were as Welch has all those charges you filed against him and there are arrest warrants out for him, for insider trading and tax evasion, he wants desperately to be a free man."

"Send Hyde the information you have through Barney, yes, get Barney and Marci on to it."

"It won't work Sir; they hate you more than they do each other, well I think they do, but impending death can change your focus I guess?" Taylor looks to be forming another plan.

"They can slug it out and your team can end it. We will pit brother against brother. Barney did you get all that, has Hyde an open line his brother knows nothing about?" I counter.

"Sir, Boss Man, he has lap top which he fires up all the time. He is searching out numerous locations for you and Mrs Grey and both he and his brother know you are with Ray, Elisabeth Morgan and Caroline Acton followed you in two cars, they tagged teamed along the highway. I tracked Acton's car I have a very good new toy Boss Man, a drone with live camera feed, it is military grade shit and cost you a fortune, but I'm worth it... They are in a motel outside of town, and I think the woman who chased you and Mrs Grey that time, you know when all your security lost her, I think it was this Morgan woman, she is driving the same car, only it is sprayed silver, I would bet my new drone on it actually."

"Barney, how much did you spend?" I ask, unsure if I am angry or not? I am angry the women followed us, thats for sure. "Barney, how much?"

"An eye watering amount and I had to have two, we followed them down here, Elliot and I and we are having a bitching time, they are cool Boss Man, Elliot wants one, I got us the Trimble X100 UAV Drone and at forty eight grand each, I think it is money well spent. Call it me doing my due diligence and thinking ahead of the game..."

"...Hi Bro, ignore the Barney Man, I call it fucking awesome. I am claiming dibs, we followed you down did you not see us? No, of course not, we were like a way back, but the little plane thingies are super ninja like and I want one, did I tell you that already?"

"Elliot, this shit is serious and as serious as it gets, where the fuck are you and Barney?" I swear my brother thinks life is one long party.

"Outside, come out and see, me and Barney are having a drone war, they have new batteries in and we are setting them up, they have their own take off ramp and everything. Oh hold on, Barney can we put a bomb on it and blow up Ray's barn?" I swear my brother is a big kid and yes, I love him, but now is not the right time for this crap. Why is Barney out of the basement at Grey House too?

"Son, you do that and your butt will have a new accessory. Get them down and get your backsides in here. This shit got serious." Ray is smiling, for some reason he likes Elliot, and I am convinced he likes him more than me...

"Oh I know, I've had Kate ranting all morning, then she found out about this crap and she had to be sedated, because she is so damned worked up, she was doing my head in with her questions and her screaming, she may be cranky, because I got Mom to shoot her butt with something, she was on a major hype sugar rush thing. She is looking forward to the visit Ray." I shake my head as Doofus and Butthead knock on the door. It is a good job we own two more Whinnies' I presume rightly that Doofus and Butthead were in one and Ryan and Reynolds the other, they wave as they park up next to the other two. How did I miss seeing those in the mirror, um I was staring at Ana and Teddy perhaps? My fleet of vehicles includes four of them. Mom and Dad have one, which they 'borrow' for their romantic getaways. So I definitely will not be knocking, not if their van's a rockin, a bumper sticker that I immediately had Taylor remove and commence to deep clean the damned thing... They will be here in theirs later I am informed

"Hello there, Ray I am pleased to see you too, so come and look at our new toys, apparently they are the dogs boll... Oh hello there pretty lady, who have you got there? Here take this Bro; I have my nephew to fuss over..." He gives me the control of what can only be described as a small chunky plane. Barney is hugging his and I shake my head. Any other time and I too would have been fawning over the cool toys. Why did I not have one already?

"Come in, but leave that in the back."

"I will, so can I keep her? She is really good at surveillance but at under an hour flight time, they are a little annoying. We had to change over twice and recharge. They captured the whole drive down unnoticed, way cool. Taylor approved their purchase weeks ago for doing passes over the Sound, you are open at the back of the house and these are great for lookout duty, but he only authorised them, because I think he wants to play too? Anyway we are here because Acton called Morgan, Morgan was outside your place at the Sound. Don't tell me you didn't see her?"

"No, obviously..." I snap. "Sorry Barney but this is a very frustrating time at the moment."

"It's fine, here let me put her down and let me set up? Can I use the office Pop?"

"Yes and quit calling me Pop."

"Okay, have you got your cranky head on too Raymundo? Mrs Grey, it is nice to see you." I smile when Ana, who has relinquished Teddy to my moron brother, runs into his arms and hugs him.

"Thank you for looking for me B, thanks for trying to find me and Teddy. Now what was that sound I heard?"

"My new toy, actually a pair of new toys, let me put in a conference call with the guys on the island and Marci, she is back home and coordinating everything. She has fed Jack the evidence and now we have to sit and wait? Oh and Welch hasn't a nickel to his name and he doesn't as yet know it, it is back in the new account you had me set up."

"Good to know, now we wait." I pace the room, not because of the goings on, but because Elliot may drop Teddy, who he calls Dude... I ask you Dude? He will be getting him a surfboard next...

"He is something else Ana, what the hell did you run for? I have a spare room or three and I can kick my brothers butt. You silly woman, oh crap, is he meant to up chuck curdled cream?" I grin as Elliot gets covered in milk...

"Oh heck I knew he took too much, but he is very greedy and well that's over feeding for you, here pass him to me." I step forward and take him from Elliot, he's my son and I want him to myself, yes selfish I know, but thats me Christian Grey, I don't share...

"No, no I will take him and clean him; you stay here and get Barney to fill you in. Where is Kate Elliot?"

"Strapped in the winnies bedroom, really you had straps put in the bedrooms, kinky or what Bro?"

"A necessity when driving and sleeping you moron, now go and get Kate she looks as mad as hell..." I say as I look out of the window, she is angry as fuck and heading in and looks drunk, an amusing sight normally...

"Heck what the hell did you do to Kate, is that a knife she has?" Ana says as she stares.

"No, that's just her bitch stick, its her pointy thing for when she does kinky weather girl, oops, I did not just say that aloud, but yeah she belts me with it when I fuck up, god, we are a like Bro, only I am the whipping boy..."

Hell, this is going to be a fun couple of days... Not...

* * *

Sorry for late update, the storms over here are making my broadband temperamental, bloody windy it is too and unusually wet; still that's life here in England cold wet and bloody miserable... So the insider is out, but what will happen to the brothers? Elena is going to make an appearance and she is bringing trouble with her...

* * *

THANKS FOR THE READING AND REVIEWING FOLLOWING AND FAVORING...


	15. Chapter 15

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters:

* * *

Chapter 15: Payback is a much underrated thing:

The Budding Billionaires:

"I don't know how you stand this heat, Brad. I am making Brandy Alexander's do you want one?"

"You are allergic to cream, how are you making them?"

"I have found almond milk is a great substitute? Well, do you want one?"

"Yes, we will have them with dinner, it's a pain you being a fucking vegan Jack?"

"Yes, if it's too much for your cook I can make myself something to eat?"

"No, she is doing you a mushroom risotto, she has seen to your need thus far has she not? I am having a steak, with all the fixings, do you not miss meat?"

"No, red meat is a killer, it clogs your arteries and you Brad, you are older than me, and so can you imagine the fatty deposits in yours? Eating veggies and pulses have never killed anyone..."

"Everything can kill you brother dear, walking across a road, a car swerves to miss a dog and wham, your dead."

"Very morbid, when is dinner I want a drink. I have packed our cases. Are you sure the kid needs all that crap you bought it?"

"I am assured kids need crap. Where is my drink, and don't stint on the brandy, I need to drown out your fucking whining."

"Yes, they are nice and strong, I too need to sleep tonight, it is hot here even at night, has this shit island house of yours never had fucking air con?"

"My room has it, open the doors and let the sea breeze cool you Jack, you were always a whiney bastard."

"I had a lot to whine about, the prince was looked after."

"Why can you not let it drop, was that my fault?"

"No, but still..."

"...Make the drinks and shut the fuck up, all will be right in your damned world in the next couple of days."

"Tell me the plan, I mean I know nothing yet, have Liz and Caroline been in touch?"

"No, have you called them Jack?"

"No, there is no need, their part of the plan starts tomorrow, and if they have a problem they will call."

"What's your plan?"

" Caroline will take the rest of the clothes she has yet to deliver, now she has been allowed into the Greys house, she now has an in, so she will be able to wander into his rooms, when she has finished, she will drug the bastard kid and hide it in the hamper of clothes Ms Steele no longer needs, the housekeeper mentioned there would be loads to be given to charity, so hence Caroline needing the hamper, it will be much easier to hide him in, she could even be getting that Taylor lackey of his to help her down with the damned thing and she will then head to the apartment by the Pike Market. What happens then, I have told you my part, what's the big secret with your plan to get us back here Brad?"

"We will collect the girls and the kid, to all and sundry we will look like a happy family, going out for the day... I have a boat moored at Grey's marina; coincidentally, it is where he has his boat, The Grace. Mac, his boat builder friend, even maintains my boat for me, how amusing is that, Grey has admired my boat for months and his friend maintains it!"

"Is he you know double crossing Grey?"

"No, no he is just looks after my boat and a few others; he is loyal as they come to the bastard."

"Everyone has a price."

"Not Mac, I did a thorough check on him, when I worked for Grey and he is as clean as they come and loyal to Grey. I don't need him for anything other than to take care of my boat there, The Shady Lady. The Grace is always checked before the man himself sails her. So it would be pointless scuppering it."

"So we are sailing back here on your boat are we?"

"We are; now, where is my drink, dinners here?"

"Here, and it is fully loaded. Cheers..."

"Thank you Giuliana, Jack sit, Giuliana here has been slaving in all this heat over your damned rice and mushrooms so eat it before it gets cold..."

"In this heat, I doubt it, but your cocktail will melt that's for sure..."

"Sir, can I leave for the evening after dinner, it is my sister's wedding?"

"Yes, yes you can, in fact you can leave now Jack and I can clear away... Enjoy the wedding, give the virgin bride my best wishes and I look forward to seeing her again."

"Thank you Sir, I will be back tomorrow for breakfast, we need more of your mushrooms Sir, there is only enough left for another breakfast."

"I will see they send more. Go, or I may change my mind."

Brad watches as his cook and housekeeper walks away. He watches his greedy arsed brother eats with gusto, his carefully chosen wild mushrooms and smiles, 'I may have to get more if he doesn't start with the symptoms soon,' he thinks to himself, 'not long now Jack Hyde you thorn in my side... Eat the deadly Death Cap Risotto and drink your last drink; for in half an hour or less, you will start to become ill, and then become me when you die from the deadly toxins, somebody will find your body eventually, and it will probably be Giuliana, poor woman, when she returns tomorrow, he will either be ill or dead. I will have got rid of the bastard child of my father once and for all, you served your purpose and in death, you will serve me one last time. Why Jack you greedy ass, you have finished off the dish and an extra portion of my mushrooms too, oh too greedy Jack...' I wait and drink his cocktail, god this is nice...

"Can I have the rest of the cocktail, you make a mean Brandy Alexander, there's quite the kick to them..."

"Thanks, and yes my cocktails are rather potent... I think I will do us Papa Doble's next..."

If the Cyanide in that one hasn't killed you first Bradley Forrester, then the double dose in the Doble will definitely do the job... God I start to feel like shit, I need to go and lie down, I may have eaten my dinner too quickly, but his cook is amazing. In the three days I have been here, she has been great; her mushrooms are to die for, but right now, I feel like crap, but I have to wait and watch as my dear brother drinks his drink. The magic begins to happen and he starts to have a fit, he begins to convulse, because his death will be quick and painful I sit and make his last moments as bad as possible.

"Relax, it won't be long, if you fight it will take longer and the pain will be worse. Relax Braders, argh its hit your heart, and there it goes, you wanted to kill me to be me, too late I got in first, so Braders, all this is mine now, the island the money and the plan and Ana will be all mine, I don't like to share either brother. Thank you brother dear..." I get a sudden and harsh cramping and fuck it hurts. I watch for a while and laugh as he takes his last breath, his eyes hate me just as much as I hate him, kill me first will you? Tough, I beat you to it... Oh, but it's good to be me... Now I need to get to the house. I feel fucking bad...

Giuliana and the four men in black...

"Sir, I did as you ask and served them their meals, what do I do now, they were eating when I left. What will you do now; will you shoot them, strangle them or slit their throats?" She is not going to be the one to kill them, because that pleasure is to be all ours...

"You did well, please do not worry, death will be upon them soon enough. Now, go to the wedding, then come back as you were going to do tomorrow. When you get back and report their deaths to the police. The people I work for, they will see to it you get what he promised, the island and the money."

"He was a bad man, he took my sisters innocence, and when I ask him why he laughed and said he owned us. She is suffering... She had no one to turn to after you know that monster gave her a baby and then denied it, that man is a monster, we thought he was doing the right thing, when the baby things came, but they are not for his baby bit for the other. You were sent by an angel to care for us, the man she marries today, he loves her and will love the baby. So, we helped you get on the island, unnoticed and for this, you promise you will help us yes?"

"Yes, the island is yours as promised. Now leave, and enjoy the wedding, then when you get back tomorrow, report their deaths to this man." Handing her the card of our man in the police force here, she takes it and studies it. "He will come and rule their deaths a murder suicide, then the house is yours and I think the nursery here will be all the child needs, and the money will mean you and your whole family will be able to live very well here, all of you."

"How can I thank you?"

"For what, we have done nothing? They were hateful men, who hated each other. To get what was promised, you are to tell the police officer, who comes, that they argued all the time about money, women and their father. Now go, I need to check on them, it's been half an hour. My men will take you over the water, eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow, your life will be much easier Giuliana..." I watch as Kimble and Fox take the housekeeper to the boat.

"T, we have the island. I am going to check on the situation..."

"Report back. ASAP..."

"T, this is not my first time at a rodeo..."

"Fine, walk and talk..." We are not in the dark as is the case in most of our missions, but this is nothing like what we usually do, we are usually the team to call for help in kidnap cases, we are usually asked to find victims of the corporate kidnapping plots, not stop a kidnapping by killing the kidnapers before they kidnap, it is very unusual work for us, but a marker is being called in and it is being repaid.

"Walking, talking... How is Gail, have you not done the knee drop?"

"She is fine and yes, we did the knee drop and no you ain't coming to the wedding. We are taking a much needed trip to Vegas, when this shit is over, now walk 'n' talk Buster..."

"I'm looking at one dead body and I don't think it was just our doing." I lean down and smell his mouth there is no frothing, and no obvious sign of our poison. "Welch, has been fed Cyanide, he smells of bitter almonds and is dead as a Dodo... Let me find the other fucker..."

"Well it looks like Mrs Grey's plan to napalm the island was not needed. Marci, your feeding of Jack the info, it worked. Make sure the police here can read all we have on both of their plans. They could have killed each other here, and to think we could have saved ourselves the trouble of going." This voice I'm hearing in my ear is Marci, who is apparently, the best at the technical side. She has a sweet voice. As if on cue, her sweet voice hums in my ear.

"I have a feed into the house. Buster; go towards the kitchen, Hyde is passed out there."

"Right Marci, yes T, I am walking and talking... How's the housekeeper is she on her way?"

"Landed and greeted by her family. Troy is coming to help you. Kimble and Fox are on their way back Buster. Walk and talk, I know you struggle with multi tasking, you were never any good at it."

"I will have you know you were a lousy friend. He's where you said Marci, and he's still breathing, how the fuck, did you put the arsenic in the ice Troy?"

"What, yes of course I did. However, I will check," he walks towards the freezers, "fuck Buster, it's still there in the freezer, so how is he, you know dying?" I roll him over and he is choking, so I roll him back over and he then starts shaking and trying to grab at my legs.

"It seems brother number two is choking T, and it shouldn't take long, or should I administer the Heimlich manoeuvre? Would Mr Grey like a last word with Hyde, because if what I am looking at, and it is what he has eaten, he has a week or so to live, he is about to die in agony, he's been fed the death cap mushroom for dinner, it seems his bothers cook has fed him poisoned mushrooms. What do you want me to do T?"

"Let the fucker choke, once he has, get back, now put the thumb drive in the main computer and let Marci get the next part of the plan finished, then you can get your butts home."

"Are you sure, I can gift wrap him?"

"I'm sure, this way we don't have to deny anything, their greed and madness drove them to kill one another. We did nothing; in fact remember to flush the ice we did drug. Remember to use the gloves Buster."

"I'm on it T, Buster is in the office, we are stripping the place of anything Grey and Steele related. Marci, how's the feed for the rest of the island, do we have any unknowns in the area?"

"If you mean visitors, then no, god you super soldiers are too wordy. Now let the master see the hard drives and the-would-be hacker's files... This is the way to do it T, wow, he was hiding money everywhere, and in places I hadn't found, the charities getting richer by the minute and wowsers I have a file and a half to send to the prosecution of one Elena Lincoln. T, do I send it?"

"Yes, purge it of all..."

"...Of all matters Grey and Steele, on it T... This is not my first rodeo either... Buster there is a safe in the floor of the office, combo 20910. You will need all the contents of that too. Hyde has a wallet and a book, in the book is a safety deposit key."

"How do you know what Jack Hyde has?" I shift the rug and sure enough there's a safe, I key in the code and open the safe, its filled with all manner of Grey material and photos I never need to see of Mrs Grey again. The fucking pervert, those things are meant for a husband and his eyes only. He is getting a kicking before I leave this damned island, would that I could.

"I have Welch's feed of his brother's bedroom, it clearly shows him looking at it and Welch has the banks details here and there are voice recordings of their final dinner. I am sending you them T, you are never going to believe how they were going to kidnap Teddy?"

"I don't want to know, have Ryan and Reynolds secured the motel?"

"Let me check, I am multi tasking to the max here, whilst Barney and Elliot, you play with your planes..."

"I'm helping, there all the encrypted files are coming your way Marci. My drones are ace and have already paid dividends. Wanna play with my plane at the weekend?"

"Open lines here, there are four open lines Marci, Barney we do not need to hear your weekend plans." I thought she would go for a drink with me, shucks...

"Okay T. How is Boss Man?" Marci is busy tapping away and I hear her fingers, I presume she is quick?

"With Teddy, according to The Major, he had to let Elliot have a hold of his son; he is fine, but very possessive Marci talking is not working, we need the men off the island..."

"It's called the new Dad syndrome. How is Ana, Mom is Skyping her later. I can do this, in fact I have done this, that's the last and its coming your way T, alright. Now-It's-All-Done..."

"Fine, she and her father were talking to Kate and calming her down. Apparently, Elliot had his mom drug her. She is livid..."

"Erm, when you lot have finished, what do you want us to do, Troy has disposed of the poison we used, I have put the mushrooms in plain sight. I have also found the rest of the Cyanide Hyde used and that is in the trousers, he has it on his fingers too, the fucker has finally choked to death on his own vomit, though the death cap death would have been longer and more painful."

"Right, get home and thanks for the help. We will see you in Seattle, Buster, thanks this family is my family and I will do anything to keep them safe, I failed them before and I will never do it again."

"Okay, stop with the Bromance guys; get off the island quickly, there is a boat heading your way. It looks like the police." Marci is doing her job.

"We are off it and heading for the mainland. Monitor their arrival Marci, see who tipped them off, we also need to be there for Giuliana, she was the cook, but I have a feeling she had nothing to do with the mushrooms, because she wanted me to slit their throats, make sure they have the dinner scene to watch too."

"Okay! T, Ryan and Reynolds have the women. They are being taken to Ray's place. Barney warn them."

"I don't have to we have the Boss Man in on the feed. Boss Man over to you..."

"Barney, thank you. Guys thanks for dealing with the roach problem, from what I have heard they fought to the end to outdo each other?"

"They did Sir."

"You and your team, you have helped me in the past and I have never needed more help than I have these past couple of weeks, you saved my family, thank you. T, he will see that you are well paid for your work today."

"This was payback for T saving this very small band of brothers. Mr Grey we owed him our lives, he has a few more markers to call in, but this was our pleasure, to look out for his family. Now we have to cut our ties. We are being called to Mexico; three Americans have been taken from a conference on drug lords. See you when we see you T and Mr Grey, the package we are sending you, is for your eyes only and I mean that T, Grey's eyes only." I end the call; nobody should see a woman's bits as she is giving birth, but the doctor and her husband.

C POV:

"Is it over Jason, really over?"

"Yes Sir it is, death was in fact a suicide pact of sorts. Marci, what are they doing there?"

"They were coming to arrest him for raping Juliette, Giuliana sister. Apparently, the husbands mother caused a scene at the church and it came out, so they went to get his side of the story, I have left that DVD for them too. They seem to be happy they are both dead. The new father in law is chief of police there, so there will be no need to use our guy. It helps to speak Spanish, they are fiery people alright, oh and apparently, Welch collects the mushrooms each day, according to Giuliana, I think she is in the clear too. Now can I have some down time Boss?"

"Yes, yes sorry Marci, go do what it is you do. I think we can manage the rest, right Jason?"

"Yes, you take as long as you need. We have Barney."

"Aww shucks I wanted time off too."

"Barney, you are here she is there..."

"I can drive back, besides I want to show her my new toy, I mean the firm's new security devise."

"How old are you Barney?" I ask, knowing full well he is my age.

"I am as old as my tongue and slightly older than my teeth, as you know Boss Man. Now, can I go, I did my thing with the drones?"

"Yes, we will be here a few days, Jason have some time off with Gail and get yourselves to Vegas. That four way chat, we all heard."

"Fuck..."

"No, we are all happy for you really, in fact Ana has booked you the best suite at the Bellagio, for a week, so get in the jet and cool your heels with your wife, me and mine are safe here. Luke says he's more than capable..."

"He is and thank you, I will see you in a week. Barney, you are fired, only Buster was meant to hear that."

"Opps sorry, didn't hear you, you're breaking up, it's the drones fault, there is a lot of electrical interference, sorry gotta go T, see you when you get back." They end their calls, and I see Ana and Ray looking out of the window, well here goes seeing to the final piece of the kidnap plot.

"Kate, Elliot keep quiet and I mean it Kate, shush," Ana says as she turns around, "I am going to deal with them, I trusted them and they both used me, not you me."

"Can I at least punch Ms Acton, for being too fucking perfect at her job? Who is gonna dress me Ana, she is so damned good?"

"Hey I think you can dress yourself KK, I like the weather girl outfit."

"Elliot, you told them really and Ray is stood there too, you loud mouthed moron." Elliot smiles, keep it shut Elliot... Nope, too late...

"I may have already told them about your pointy stick and whipping my butt, I have a lot in common with Chris..."

"Crap, you did what?"

"Shush, they are here." I watch as Ana opens the door and heads towards Elizabeth Morgan and before either of them say a word, my fiery Ninja, lays Elizabeth out cold with one punch. She kissed the dirt before anyone could stop her. Wow... She rounds on Caroline and she smiles turns away, Caroline thinks she has escaped when Ana sighs takes a deep breath, swings back and she too is sent flying towards the dirt, just as Ms Morgan wakes, she looks at her sister also in the dirt, then looks at Ana.

"If you two want to mess with me try it, but touch my son and you will need to eat through a straw for months. I have all the evidence I need to send you away for years, you Caroline will be some butch prisoners bitch, and I will make sure you Morgan you spend most of the time cleaning the damned toilets, I am told they love to pick on busty mouthy red heads. Now boys take the trash to the police station, they are expecting you. Oh, and I am told Caroline, that orange is the new black, it will go nicely with that bruised eye you bitch..."

"We were forced into this by Hyde; I am so sorry Ana, they made me do it."

"Caroline you can take your 'I'm sorry Ana' and shove it straight up your ass, the only thing you're sorry about is getting could have told Taylor, you could have told me, you could have done a lot and you didn't as to you Morgan, you deserve this and more, after all Hyde did, you stuck with him, you, you are getting everything you deserve, everything and its Mrs Grey Caroline, Ana is only for friends to use."

"So will you eventually Steele, so will you. You, you little mouse will never be enough for him, he is only with you because of the kid, you bitch."

"I'm a little mouse am I? I have been called worse than a bitch, far worse. As to being enough for my husband, well I know I am enough. I have an endless amount of love from him, and for him. We have more than you will ever have Morgan, because you have nothing and no one, we have each other and our child."

"I have Jack, he will wait for me and I will wait for him."

"Enjoy the wait, but, if you hold your breath whilst you wait for him to come for you, then guess what? Yup, you will be dead before he does, because Jack, he choked on his own vomit earlier today, and he is dead and do you know what, I may have to do as James Brown says, I may have to do a little dance, sing a little song and get down tonight and celebrate ridding the world of that freak and his big brother. Yes, I fancy getting down with my man 'cos I can, now take them away boys, I have a loving family to get back to, bye-bye-girls..."

"You are so fucking dead when I get out, you are a liar; you are just saying that to hurt me, I would know if he were dead because we have a soul connection."

"That's such a nasty and bitchy thing to say to her Mrs Grey, tell her the truth." Caroline is crying. She will definitely be someone's bitch inside. Ana is feisty and being so un-Ana-like?

"Bitchy, really, well how's this for being nice and truthful then? I am sorry to tell you Ms Morgan, but your connection has a fault on the line 'cos he sure as hell is never coming back from seeing Bradley Welch alive. He died, and your soul connection is dead too, he ain't ever coming for you, and as to you coming for me? I think not, how do you think I know he's dead, if I didn't arrange it? Guess what you two; sleep with one eye open, 'cos I know where you will be for the next few years. How was that Caroline, wow you're right, I was bitchy, god it was good to be nice. Now get them off my daddies land boys. Remember girls sleep with an eye open." They're dragged off an Ana rushes in and I follow, she throws up, she wretches and she heaves, I hold her hair back and pass her a towel.

"Christian, I was a bitch, I was nasty and a vengeful cow, they are already going to prison and I made her feel so alone, she looked like I had ended her life. Christian I was not me at all. Why did you not stop me?"

"I think given the circumstances, you let them off lightly, now we have to go and tell our tale to Kate before Mom and Dad get here in their Winnie."

"Hells teeth, you are turning my father's home into a trailer park, is it any wonder I talked trashy?"

"They are fucking expensive trailer Baby, and your mouth promised to get down with me tonight, I liked that best of all."

"You would. God, I need to express these, you could even feed your son later, because I think being angry really pumps the milk, I am bloody drenched."

"I live to help you out there Baby, say the word and I will chug away contented as a bay, I di research and it's a bonding thing, good in India and good for you."

"Pervert..."

"Your own personal pervert, Mrs Grey, do you wanna start getting down, before tonight?" We hear a cough... Fuck the father in law...

* * *

Sorry it is shorter than normal, because my hands hurt like crappola again... It is very wet n cold here... still...


	16. Chapter 16

This is very unlike fifty shades of grey; it's my story, I'm just purloining EL James's characters:

* * *

As this was a short story, its coming to an end.

* * *

Chapter 16: THE FINAL CURTAIN:

Ana's POV:

Christian and I have been married for a year, today is the 29th of July, I laugh and skip towards the nursery, and my-oh-my how time has dragged. I shouldn't laugh, but it was my fault that we spent all that time apart. We have put the Welch and Elena thing in the past where it belongs. We spent a week with Daddy after the deluded brothers killed each other, yes hard to believe but had we not seen the darned recording and played it several times just to make sure. The girls Elizabeth and Caroline, they pled guilty to attempting to kidnap Teddy, hard to deny it when it too was on film and they had all the stuff in their bags to drug him, we asked Caroline why, and all she could say was she wanted the life I had, what the others had, she wanted my husband.

After a week's total rest for me, and fishing time for the boys, a week were Kate wrote a great article, wee the parentage of Teddy was questioned and rebuked by a very angry Christian and a his look alike son, on a networked television news program, yes the news paper article was not a enough to stop the news hounds, so we went national, and of course I came under fire from the child killer brigade, and yes I fought back, Ana Grey was like a lion and I roared, and didn't mew like a kitten, thanks to Charlie, I showed the doubters my teeth, when we did a piece for the news network, on the stress of P.P.D, that was where Charlie and I, we blew the myths of baby blues being an attention seeking thing, right out of the water. That was a busy week, so I really needed another week of relaxation.

"Mommy is coming hush little one." I head in to our boys room and see I have been beaten to it, his daddy has him and he is mid change.

"Hello Mommy, happy anniversary darling. Look Teddy Mommy is here, you can give her your gift now." I head towards my boys and Teddy is chewing down hard on a very familiar packaging.

"I have yours, but it's in our room. What have you got for me Baby Boy?"I take the package from his tiny hands. "Did Daddy buy this?"

"No I took it out of his allowance," I looked at Christina and frowned, "joke, Ana it was a joke, it came out of his trust fund."

"Christian, what did I say?"

"I forget, you say a lot and I take in a lot, but I may be old and have difficulty remembering all the areas you lecture me on, I mean school me in..."

"Nice catch Grey," I open the box and I am stunned, "What is this I was expecting jewellery, it's in the same box as my second chance earrings?"

"The first year is paper, so I have given you Grey Publishing, you own it, whether you help run it or get help I don't care, I promised you after a year of marriage it would be yours, and it is. Oh and this was in the way of the deeds so I had to pocket the pearls."

"Oh hell, what in god's name Grey, you are, well when I find out what you are I will let you know." He puts the pearl necklace around my neck the droplet is a huge pear shaped pearl on a rope of small perfectly round pearls. "Wow, thank you, how can I top this?"

"I may have several suggestions including another pearl necklace."

"Urghk, I have been married to a kinky freak for a whole year, give or take."

"Enough, now our boy is fed and changed, his granny is here to babysit, we are going to have an anniversary to remember. Mrs Grey, this way if you please, we have to get ready. What did you get me?" Christian whines as I grab Teddy and head to see his Granny.

"Wait and see. Lets ditch the kid..." I say as I head to see Grace.

"Anastasia..."

"Okay Teddy we can't ditch the kid, how about we hand you to Granny Grace?"

"Funny har-har Anastasia. Seriously what did you get me Ana?"

"Wait and see, I think you will like it." He follows me down. "Hello Grace oh, hello Carrick, how are you?"

"Busy, very busy. Here hand the little one to me, I have missed him this week, hello little man, come to Pop-Pop." I hand Teddy to Carrick. "My you have gained at least two pounds, how are you Ana?"

"Fine, really fine. Have you got his bag ready Christian?"

"I don't know have I Gail?"

"Yes Christian, Master Teddy's bag is ready when he is. Grace, there are extra milk in the freezer sack, for your home."

"Thank you, well we have to be going, we have Mia coming home and she is desperate for a cuddle. Another three weeks in New York, Christian, did you find out why she is forever there? She can only use the wedding excuse and a job interview so many times?"

"Mother, she is seeing someone we have all met, someone known to the family and I believe she will be moving to New York permanently."

"Who, who is it?"

"Hold on, Kate's brother is in New York? Ethan, is she seeing Ethan Kavagnah?"

"Ana gets the prize, however and take this from me mother, if anyone were to flip at the next little snippet Barney uncovered, I would be a-f-u-c-k-i-n-g-mazed, I took it well, so please mother take it as well as I did, okay?" I stare he knows spelling a fowl word is still swearing.

"Lord, she's pregnant, Christian, tell me now..."

"She and Ethan are married already; they have been since she went to her friends, the very day Teddy was returned to us, do you really think she would have left for a friend's wedding? Unfortunately we were in a mess with Welch and security slipped on Mia, we were busy with Teddy and Ana, and well as mad as I was to find this out, her security say she is very happy and stable, she very rarely leaves the apartment they have there and if she goes out its with him, her sending was a worry."

"What, Christian, is she funding his lifestyle?"

"No Mother, she has spent five thousand dollars, in total, in the last two months."

"What, Carrick has she asked you for money?"

"I thought she was getting her allowance from you?"

"And I thought she was getting it from you."

"As I said mother we are focused on Teddy and Ana. She has been happily married for weeks."

"Oh lord, ever since she was a young child she has planned her epic wedding, she didn't get it, her dream day, oh Christian..."

"Mother, father she is happy, she will tell you when she is ready, perhaps tonight is the night?"

"Perhaps, she did say she had something to tell us, something exciting. Cary, we have to get Teddy home. Mia is married my baby is married. We have to be going, you two have a wonderful night, and don't worry Teddy and Ray will be fine with us, we left your father fishing with my father. Come on Teddy Granny and Gramps are going to see your Aunty Mia and it seems Uncle Ethan..."

My husband has totally changed before I left he would have kicked Ethan's butt from here to New York and dragged him back with his hair. He has changed. I have to hope so. We wave goodbye to Teddy and his grandparents and as I sigh, Christian is behind me; his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist.

"So, what did you get me Baby?"

"Will you settle when I give it to you?"

"Well of course I will. What did you get me wife of one year?"

"Come on I wrapped it earlier. I am surprised you didn't see me?"

"I was busy arranging the surprise for later."

"Okay follow me..."

C POV:

As I follow my wife, we head to our room. This looks promising, especially if I think the box she was busy wrapping earlier was from my favourite lingerie store, perhaps she has her own special night planned?

"Now, sit and shut up, whilst I get it, you can do that can't you?"

"If I have to. Ana I love you, you do know whatever you get me I will love, right?"

"Good, because this is a non returnable gift."

"Oh, okay, I can't see why I would return ripped underwear Anastasia." She laughed as she went into her closet. She came out with the package I saw her wrapping. There are two packages and card. She hands me the larger of the packages, the then the small one.

"Open the small one first."

"Okay..." I rip it open and I stare at the thing in my hand, it looks like a thermometer, I rip open the second, okay, Teddy's old sleep suit... She hands me her card and I gingerly open this... "Ana, what am I looking at? Is this from Teddy? Are we, am I, I mean am I missing something?"

"No dear, but I have missed something, I am late and that there says you and I and Teddy are adding to our numbers, that is the pee stick and that is a baby grow that says. I love my daddy and that is..."

"This is a keep the day free, Ana, are you saying, I mean are you saying..." I chug on my water, I am so confused and too excited to believe the obvious, she is telling me we are pregnant, yes pregnant and I cannot fuck this up again, even I am not that stupid, two babies and I am speechless, so very unlike me, I chug more water, I have dry mouth.

"Do you want a bottle of something stronger?"

"Ana..."

"Oh god for a bright man you are so damned dense, yes we are having baby number two, due in eight months, it seems Mr Grey your looking out for the birth control was just as bad at my attempt at seeing to it when my father was ill."

"Ana, I don't need anything stronger than soda water, I am, we are, Ana we are having a baby, yes?"

"Yes, yes we are and this one is down to you, it seems condoms may have a best before date, dear..."

"Thank fuck for that, we are having a baby."

"We have a baby; we are having another one in eight months." Holy hell I am speechless, happy and speechless, I am doing this from day one, in sickness and crabby moods, swollen legs and crying, I am in this for two hundred percent of it all... I come around and she is sat at the side of me with a cold compress on my head.

"Ana, that was not what I expected, but it's one hell of a present Baby, one hell of an un-returnable gift and one I will love as much as Teddy. Oh thank you, I fucking love you Mrs Grey."

"Ready for your real present?"

"Nope, nothing beats the last ones."

"Even these?" She hands me a bag from that store and I look inside, shit my head is sore, what did I do faint, I do not faint, or I have never fainted, shit there is a first for everything.

"Can we, I mean can we do that, have sex, you're only just pregnant, what if..."

"...Christian, we are fine, Blip and I were fine, Teddy turned out okay and I mean we were at it like rabbits until, well until I found out about him. Bean and I will be just as fine; now, do you want me to help you lie down, because you hit the floor hard?"

"Why, why did I pass out Ana?"

"I don't know, you said and I quote, 'I'm the man, I made two kids one fucking year' then you went down like me on an ice rink. With a clout and a half as they say in Yorkshire, you hit the floor and smiled." I am the man who can deliver and we used condoms too, fuck it is easily done and I blamed her, I think I am going to be hearing about my failure to not deliver for a while, but I get, we get another baby and Teddy gets a sibling, we will fill this home and make it happy and then I remember, she's pregnant. I grin like a manic moron...

"I'm not doing that again Ana, I am truly happy and we are pregnant you are not alone and not doing anything like you did with Teddy. Here you lie down, put your feet up, do you want a cup of tea, do you need another pillow on your side of the bed, a warm blanket do you feel okay, any sickness, Ana any..."

"For fucks sake I am fine, pregnant does not mean I am incapable of still being me. Wow, worry much Grey?"

"All the fucking time woman; all the fucking time, you and my children are what bring me the most joy in my sorry life and I am supposed to worry, Charlie even said it is in my DNA, so shush, I am able to worry I got a doctor pass..."

"Well, what she actually said was no matter how much we talked about you and your need to over protecting me, you would never change, so we didn't bother changing you, we changed me and finally I accepted it for what it is, it is and was another form of your deep love for me. I love you; you and your doctor pass are going to be used a lot aren't they?"

"Yes, I have it and will use it, so in the spirit of compromise, that's no bed then, no cup of tea and no feet up?"

"Oh I don't know, the feet up and the bed seem doable, very doable, this time I may go rampant for sex. Lucky, lucky me..."

"Lucky me, now Ana change into that sexy maid outfit, really you didn't get the sexy nurse outfit and I like my sexy nurse?"

"Maybe next time. Now, you need to see the bag at your side of out bed too, it's the accessories pack for this outfit, I thought we'd try some soft kink?" Fuck me yes... She looks back as she grabs the bag and I hear the shower running, do I call John, do I call Charlie, I do not want to fuck up. I have too much to lose, I breath in and deeply, I open the bag and fuck me, there is a feather duster, that has massive possibilities, two pairs of black leather fur lined cuffs, a soft leather whip, and my wife has bought her own Ben Wa Balls, yes she can wear those, after we use this accessory pack.

I smile and look in the direction of the closet; I think I have time to change. It has been a long time since we did this, and for her to initiate this, is something that proves she is owning this, she is choosing what we do and not leaving it up to me. I can work with that, we both reap the rewards and then I remember she is pregnant and I grin like a moron. I'm the man who can for sure... I change and wait on the chair in our room.

I don't have long to wait, as she walks out I know I wow loudly, she has on her fuck me heels and the outfit, it is amazing, her tits are pert and alas she is leaking, okay I will not mention it, she is after all still feeding our baby boy, and for my sins, me...

"Does Sir have anything he wishes me to do, maybe a little dusting?"

"Yes, the furniture needs this to be used, but first I want you to come here," I stand and decide she can have the balls first, "open your mouth and suck on these Miss. What is your name?"

"My name is Fifi, and I am a French maid Sir..." She takes the balls and seductively moans as she sucks; it goes straight to my dick. "I like the jeans Sir..."

"Really, they are my favourites, now bend over and open your legs, Oh Miss Fifi, crotchless panties, I do approve..." I slip in the balls; Fifi is already wet with her arousal. I slide them in and play a little, I set the speed to low, and I am going to have to look up using these on a pregnant woman. My pregnant woman. "Now, the dust is thick around this unit here and the far table is in need of a particular good long dusting."

She walks over and she gasps as I put the speed up a little. She holds the table as the balls start to work, she gasps as she preens and dusts, and as she walks to the table that needs the longer dusting she mews as they hit the spot, she grabs the duster tightly and flicks it over the photos of our son and lays them down. Good idea... She looks at me and I point to the table by the window and as she starts to walk the length of our room she murmurs in elation as she feels the power of the balls, she's so close to coming, I set the power low and she gasps as she is given a breather, but not for long Miss Fifi...

"Miss Fifi, pay particular attention to the high shelf here, it was missed yesterday." I hardly doubt Gail missed any dust, but as she reaches up I flick the switch and she whines as she stretches, she grabs the table and shakes. I watch as she comes, she is a beauty to behold when she orgasms.

"Sir, I think I have dusted your room, is it done to your satisfaction Sir?" I smile as her eyes plead for the balls to be removed and I take my cue from her.

"It is, could you please make the bed, but first I think I need to check that hem line, come here." She walks with a slight problem; she is shaking still but she has taken her first time back using the balls very well. "Hold the bed there's a good girl. I lean down as she shakes, she is dripping wet, and as I tug on the chain, the balls are released and I pocket them. I wipe at the wetness and she groans as my fingers move slowly in and out of her moist folds. My dick is hard and she is coming again. I kneel down and suckle at her opening, she groans and I salivate, her come rushes down my face and I am so fucking turned on by her taste. I grab her butt and slap it lightly.

"I believe you have come several times without my permission Miss Fifi. What should I do to punish you for that?"

"Sir did not say I could not come. I don't think I should be punished Sir."

"How about I deal with your misdemeanor?" I place the hand cuffs on the bed and Ana bites her lip, fuck me if she isn't killing me?"Lay down face up, do you have a safe word Miss Fifi?" She looks at me as she shuffles her backside up the bed and I fasten the cuffs to her wrists, Ana gasps.

"My safe words are Green and Red Sir."

"Good, you may safe word Miss Fifi."

"Sir, thank you Sir." Fuck if her submission isn't the best gift she has given me, of course I am excluding, my children or rather, our children, this comes nowhere near those gifts, but in the sex department, hell yes, she has never given me this much submission and control, not without me telling her what I expected, because I did not ask for this scene, this makes this special...

"I am going to blindfold you Miss Fifi." I take out the gray tie and she bites her lip again.

"I like that tie Sir."

"It is my favourite." I wrap it around her head and cover her eyes. "Remember your safe words Ana, I mean Fifi?"

"I will Sir." I look at her nipples as the ooze their goodness, they are protruding through the slots in the top and I can't help but suckle. It is no wonder that my son is a breast boy, because she tastes divine and as I suckle she groans, I play care full attention to both and feed from my wife, it's such a bonding experience and I am a definite breast man. She is not as uncomfortable now they have been released of the excess and I am calmed as only Ana's milk can calm me. It is small wonder Teddy sleeps a lot...

I look at her body and smile as I stare at the place Bean will grow. My Bean... I take the whip and I outline her body letting the tendrils drag along the exposed skin, she is released from the cumbersome garment in my usual manner and the silky flimsy garment is easily torn from her delectable body, she still has on the heels, those fucking awesome panties and a push up bra, with no cups. The whip is seductively dragged over her heaving mounds and I flick her skin softly, lifting the whip slightly and softly stroking her skin with its soft leather kisses, she is not a woman who has ever been still and she never will be, she groans as the whip is abandoned and I pick up the duster and gently run it over her body, her legs and her breast are the moat receptive areas.

I lift her leg and place it on my shoulder, she is so open to me and I see her arousal, I kiss her calf and nip kiss up as the duster works with the other leg, I get to the apex of her thigh and she groans, she isn't quiet either, she would make a very disobedient submissive, she always was. and I loved it.

"Miss Fifi, is restless, do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes Sir, hard Sir, Hard and long Sir..." I pull the other leg over my shoulder, lean down to her sex, and suckle, she comes and I gasp at the harshness of it. I open my jeans and almost reached for a condom, fuck me skin on skin, she is going to be pregnant until she hits menopause. She starts to pant as she has heard the buttons undo and I have placed her legs to give me all the access I can get, she is open to me and I delve into her hard, my dick wants to explode as soon as it hits the silky warmth of her pussy.

I unclip the handcuffs as I multitask, I suckle I fuck and I lose myself in her. her hands come around my neck and I kiss my wife, not the French maid, but my wife. I cry as I pound into her, tears fall and she kisses them away, she takes off the tie and we turn fucking hard into gentle love making.

I come again and again, without ever leaving her warmth, the afternoon sun has long since gone, as has the dusk, the night sky has come to enhance our room. We make love, in the moonlight, when I come for a final time she gets the promised pearl necklace as promised, she is exhausted and has called red, she is not a lover of my coming over her breasts, face and neck I finish off and then fall in a heap on my side of the bed, exhausted then lean down and kiss her belly, I cry and kiss the reason for my total devotion to my wife, she is going to be so pissed off with my need to know everything she is feeling and everything about our child, our second son is in her belly, she could be having one on one sessions with Charlie every day.

We spoon in our mussed up bed and she sighs as I hold her belly close, as I then rub and hold. She is sleeping, and I am staring, what I expect to see is a baby belly and then I mentally slap myself, time is needed and lots of it before she shows. I kiss her hair and fall asleep, fuck the flowers and the candles in the boat shed, we can do that next year, this year her presents were the best...

Ana's POV:

I wake when the morning light breaks over the sound; the waters are coming in and are sloshing softly against our rocky shoreline, Christian is still holding me close but this is different, he is asleep on my belly and his stubble tickles me. I comb my fingers through his copper locks and sigh, he didn't run and he stayed with me, when I saw the pregnant flash over the 'thermometer' I knew I was either going to be alone or like this, the reason for not getting the Depro shot was so we could decide, what we wanted for our family, I had said I wanted two years between our children, he said three; I guess a year works too? I sigh as he kisses mu belly and he sighs and says good morning, I presume it is to me until he adds Bean...

"Good morning Baby."

"Is that for me or Bean?"

"Hahahaha, for you I didn't know you were awake, good morning Mrs Grey, Baby Grey and good morning home, remind me how many family rooms we have?"

"Ten, why?"

"Just wondering how many kids we can fit into it?"

"Oh, do I get a say in this?"

"Yes, of course, but we each agree a perfect number and then nature decides for us, I guess we go with the flow."

"We need to shower and get to your mothers, it's gone ten."

"Ten as PM?"

"As in AM. We were very tired."

"We slept in and wow I have never been in bed at ten, well not just sleeping, do you want a wake up booty call Baby?"

"God Grey you are so darned romantic. I want to shower we are a sweaty mess and we should have showered off last night I stink of you and sex and the necklace was one gift too far, especially when we agreed not to... I wiped it off but well your super sperm is, well urghkie, now let me up and if you are good we can have a darned quickie, I missed our boy, and we have to see what Momma Grey and Papa Grey did to Ethan, for that nugget I owe you a nurses outfit and I think a cowgirl dress up session. You were amazingly calm."

"I was feeling like a darned swan, calm on the top of the water looking graceful and elegant, underneath, a totally different feeling I was paddling so quickly and kicking so furiously, I was knackered. He is good for her, that much I do know and I will have to be that way around Elliot, he will be like a prized bull out of the stall and will kill him."

"Shower, sex, dressed and to Momma's House. Can we not tell them about Bean, not until we get the scans done at twelve weeks, a big ask I know, but the safety thing and it is the most dangerous time between now and then, you know for..." He cuts me off with a kiss.

"I will keep quiet, if we go and see Doctor Green, just for blood works and those tests, I doubt at this stage our son is as big as his name sake?"

"It could be our daughter Grey, worried much?"

"Nope, we are having a boy. I am good with a boy. I am comfortable with a boy." I bet having a girl will make those copper locks turn fifty shades of gray.

Well, we had a shower, got down right dirty and clean and dirty again, we headed to Momma's House at one o'clock. Teddy was in his crib, and was cooing, when we finally walked in, the family were having a late lunch. It was turned two, so okay we pulled over to have sex again, I am so in need of it, and he will be a happy bunny if I am this hornie through it all. Elliot and Kate had had words; Elliot was nursing a red eye, ouch...

C POV:

We arrive at moms and I am suck a lucky fucker, we made out like teenagers in my car, not since the car chase with Morgan, have we bounced around in a car, and it was fucking good. I see my son's hands rising and the pleasant cooing coming from his crib and I see the family sat in silence. Okay, who died, it is then I see the red eye, fuck I look at Kate's knuckles, nope, Mom's and Dad's and then Mia's nope I then see Ethan nursing a blooded nose and he has cotton string things stuck up his nostrils, it seems we missed a punch up?

"Way to go Bro, you fucking knew, she got married and you knew, way to go." My mother tutts. Loudly...

"I found out yesterday, and I am happy our sister is happy, are you not happy that she is happy, because I am happy she is happy, everyone are you happy?"

"Darned Dandy, you are happy Grey, way to go Steele, you have changed the moron. How do you work on Neanderthals? Elliot here is on a lock down no sex ban forever. This child will be the only one he has."

"Kate did you just say you're pregnant?" My mother screams and Mia sniggers at Elliot, the pair of them are married and happy, they argue a lot and make up even more. Elliot is great with Teddy, his main dude. He is silent obviously, he was not told.

"Well it seems like it, but I will be a monkey's uncle if I know how, we were not planning this at all. Now you two need to go and sort yourselves out, have you just had car sex?" My mother gasps, okay so all that tripped off Kate's mouth, it has shut down my brother in an amazing way. I smile at Ana as she goes for Teddy. I keep mom about Bean and watch as the table suddenly starts talking, Elliot is still sat with his fork in his mouth, where it was when Kate dropped the pregnancy bomb. At least I was the first to know about both Teddy and Bean. Mia laughs as the fork falls from his mouth and he stares at Kate.

"Katherine Grey, you said it was food poisoning and nothing to worry about."

"Obviously I am not a doctor and thought it was, okay, Daddy Grey? We are four months and a half months into this darned ride you got me on Eliot Grey, here this is the picture the darned nurse gave me, I asked her to sodding check five times, so there are five different poses, he's a poser like his Uncle Christian." I grin I am going to be an uncle and a second time father, wow I am so darned happy. If Kate has yet to swear, best I don't.

"I am having a boy?"

"Well I am having the darned thing, and yes that thing there is his hose." My mother grabbed her copy and laughed loudly.

"That Kate is the cord, the body is hiding the sex of you little one, and I have to have this framed, with Teddy's. My grandbabies are coming in thick and fast. Mia has just told me she and Ethan are trying for a honeymoon baby, oh and Christian, she and Ethan are having the Bali house for a month from tomorrow."

"Okay, get Taylor to sort out the housekeeping and staff."

"Thank you Christian, it was you who I thought would kick off not bloody Elliot."

"I am a much changed man, Ethan welcome to the family, but know this, mess with our sister and those will be a permanent fixture. What are they tampons?" He nods and grins; okay it seems he is relieved that I am much changed. I am shocked they thought so little of me and then I roar, nope they knew the old me very well.

"Yes Kate said it's what she uses when she pops her brother on his nose." Mia says as she stares at her husband. I make a few calls and then grab some food I am fucking famished; I am eating for two after all...

FOUR MONTHS LATER...

"Ana, I told you it was a boy; I am so good at this. How is he?"

Ana was convinced he was a she and I hoped and prayed for the second son. We are multi tasking, Ava Grey was born today and My brother is a sappy big girls blouse and is as happy as a darned kid in a candy store. Kate is okay and all is well with team Kavagnah Grey... Mark One... Mark Two, Mia and Ethan are having twins and their honeymoon baby has turned into honeymoon babies, Mia is bigger than Ana, and I will be amazed if she makes it to nine months, as she is only slight. We are adding into Moms vision of twenty grandchildren and I intend half of those to be ours. I am rocking this dad thing.

Ana is a very good mother to Teddy and Bean. We came clean at eight weeks I thought Ana had told Kate and I then told Elliot, who immediately phoned mom. GEH, has an amazing baby care centre, were the staff can bring their children to before school classes and after school classes, they can swap shifts, time share and I have been awarded a first for GEH, we have had for the first time received the best workplace and the best work place nursery and another first I was awarded the best boss trophy at the GEH family picnic. I am much improved boss, a much improved man and boss and a loving and caring husband son and brother. I snap back and see Ana cry, she had filled the new nursery with pink. Ava will be well dressed and Ana can fuss with her, dress her in frills and pretty pink things...

Nine months and it's a special delivery day...

Ana is having a caesarean, as the baby is bigger than Ana can delivery virginally quickly, she has high blood pressure and that is down to me, having Teddy put a strain on her heart and losing her is a non starter, she is given the epidural and I stand at the Ana end, Mom is in there as is Ray, we are watching when the first cut happens, Ana winces, Mom grabs my hand apparently Ana can feel pushing and pulling only. I am asked to see them pull out our son and I have a vision of hitting the deck, I look over the screen curtain of Elijah Carrick Grey make his way into our family. He is out and screaming. Ana is holding her hands out for Elijah and as I cut the cord, they wrap him and pass him to his wonderful mommy.

"We did it together Ana, he is beautiful, so beautiful and wow he is Teddy's twin..."

"God, will I ever get a look in?" Mom reaches for his little hand as he pager goes off. Mia is in too. She is pushing twin two out and we await their little boy. Grace has entered the world and Mom was rushing between the two delivery suites, three of her grandchildren will be born today.

Mom disappears as Ray takes hold of his grandson. He is an amazing Grandfather to Teddy and has moved into the home we had built for him, Teddy was the pull that brought him to Seattle, that and Gail Taylors sister, Janice is the help, the only help Gail will allow in her kitchen and Ana will allow to look after Teddy, besides Gail, she is his only nanny Ana would have and with two, she is needed. Our home is a hectic place and my Ana is the centre of our home she is what makes our house happy... Minutes later Ethan Christian Kavagnah makes his way into the world and I am majorly stoked he has been given my name, something Elliot understand and apparently, he has been promised the next slot...

ON OUR THIRD ANNIVERSARY:

My beautiful daughter was born, her timing was way off, she came three weeks early and was the easiest birth ever, and yes I got my nuts majorly crushed twice for saying that. We have decided to leave it at three, well we left it to mother nature to decide how many and she has said three was Ana's limit, Ana is not having more stress adding to her body, having Phoebe Grace was just too much and she had to be rushed in for a hysterectomy. So we didn't have much say in the matter. Ana recovered well and is happy and great at her darned job, Grey Publishing is at number one, in both e books and paper forms. My wife is an amazing woman, I love her and respect her ability to be everything she has ever wanted to be, and she has achieved everything through hard work.

Ava has a brother Thomas Eamon Kavanagh, who is just turned two and is Teddy and Ethan junior's best friends. Our house is a kindergarten at the best of times and amazing all of the time. Alas, Mia is not having more children naturally, though she is adding into their brood two adoptive siblings, Harry and Cassandra, orphans and beautiful, babies, well year old babies.

All is well with this once dark dominant bastard, who was a heartless soulless moron, that was until the day a brown haired girl tripped into my world and changed it forever, my life is my wife and my wife is my life, long gone is how I used to live. I lived to work and now I live for my family, I work when I have too and if the kids and Ana have got nothing planned. We are happy and loved and that's all that matters, to have love and be loved, to know love and to cherish those we love... Mom is the biggest believer in all things love, and all that it stands for, it just took me a while to realise it makes the world turn. I am a slow learner... Or I was... Now I am blessed to have love and know love. I was once told by a very mean and bitter woman, who is someone's bitch in prison, that love is for fools, well call me the Grey Jester, 'cos I'm that fool...

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read review and tell me what I missed, I am running of fumes lol... I can do a re edit if I missed or messed up


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